What it's like being married?

Question

I am a single girl and I know real life isn't a fairy tale most of the times, but I consider marrying someone you love to be a truly fantastic experience. Anyway, I know quite a lot of married women who wish to go back to their single days and I know also a few ladies with fabulous hubbies...So what is it in marriage that wears people out the most? And are the women with fantastic hubbies just lucky?

Answer 1

Marriage is wonderful if you marry the right person for the right reasons. I mean you have to marry someone you actually like and respect, not just someone you find physically attractive! By "respect" I mean someone whose ideas, mentality and intelligence you value. You don't have to *share* all their ideas, views etc. but there has to be a solid basis of friendship and mutual trust there. The physical part fades with time and age, but the things you can share on a mental/spiritual level are the things that last.
You have to work at it, too. My mother used to say it was 60-40 the other person's way. I don't agree with that, I think both parties should be equal in respect as well as responsibility, but you have to be willing to give more than you get, while still hanging onto your self-respect. But it does mean making an effort to be pleasant instead of snapping sometimes, being willing to give in on unimportant issues instead of always having things your way, etc.
This is an odd little illustration but a valid one, I think: When I was first married we went to the beach on holiday. I had never eaten shellfish so I didn't know what it was supposed to taste like; I ate some that tasted odd and got very, very sick. (My husband hadn't eaten the same thing or he would have stopped me.) He went out at midnight to find a doctor who would come to our hotel, held my head over the basin and said, "Oh, honey, I wish it was me instead of you." And I could see he meant it.
We must be doing something right because we've been married for almost 25 yrs.

Answer 2

I believe firstly that a solid marriage requires a solid foundation being good friends in the beginning can help tremendously. Some people believe marriage is a fairy tale but believe me it takes patience understand and recipricol respect. Also the material nonsense isnt the importance of a good marriage the little note in ur purse saying love u or take care goes along way. Its the care and understanding that makes a great marriage. Unflortunately some people are forced into debt of buying a house, car, holidays and then children this is where the problems arrive. A true saying is when the bills hit the mat the love can go out the window. I believe that u should live how ur budget presents itself. As long as ur happy and this person makes u feel special u have everything. So when u find the right man u will know marriage is all worth its weight in gold. We have one life lead it with no regrets. Best wishes

Answer 3

It should be like that, a fairy tale when you marry someone of your own free will and the one you love.
Only, it's like everything else, the novelty tends to wear off.
Some partner tend to take you for granted and you become frustrated.
Well, it's a big deal already.
There always be a child and an adult in a marriage.
Possibly always the same on, or in a more healthy relationship the role will change.
When it doesn't, again comes frustration and then it starts like that.
You either get used to it and over it, or you don't and try and manage to get things back on track, or you walk away.
Sorry. I've become cynical.
But the best start, it's obviously to love each other genuinely and respect each other, and above all, never take each other for granted.xxx

Answer 4

Hard Q to answer. Marriage is not "dating forever", it's sharing a bathroom with someone of the opposite gender. Thank god I have my own shower room now. I think it's the many forms of selfishness that wears out a marriage. And selfishness can rare its ugly head with many marital issues: finance, sex, child-rearing and, well everything else. If a spouse isn't thinking about the team, then the other spouse suffers, then the suffering spouse finds a way to pay back the other, and then it bounces back and forth.

Women with fantastic hubbies usually are fantastic women who understand their men, and what makes them happy: some sex, some appreciation and letting them have a little time to themselves. We call it "decompression time". These fantastic women that make men fantastic also understand things NOT to do with their men: gossiping, stuff at work, and complaining about stuff a husband can't fix. Us men don't like feeling helpless when it comes to being a husband.

There is ZERO luck involved with a happy marriage.

Answer 5

i don't feel any different now that i am legally married. i only feel like if i want to change my life life some day for one reason or another i have to answer to the government. but when i was so called single and just having long term relationships, the ladies i spent time with were woman just like my wife, and we had good and bad times together. and some of them turned out to be pretty hard to live with, so i was able to leave with out worrying about the courts. and every one can change that's a fact, so it makes me worry more than when i was single. over 50% of marriage fails and this is a true statistic. i think what wheres people out the most is number 1 money # 2 sex ,and family. if you have enough money to keep your self happy with out working your self to death, and lack of sex can end a marriage really fast. and if you have in laws that suck and will not stay out of your business this can really wear you out.if i had it to do over i would not get married ever not legally, i might have a ceremony but i would keep the courts out of it. woman with fantastic hubbies are not just lucky, they work very hard to make and keep there hubbies happy and fantastic. and hubbies work hard to keep ther wifes happy.

Answer 6

Maybe it's married women who thought a married life would be better that a single one. Maybe these married women don't really love their husband. I am 22 and married at 21. I have been with my husband since I was 13. Every marriage is different though. What wears women out the most would probably be knowing that they are going to have to spend the rest of their lives with just one man. That means spending time with him and living in the same house with him. That means doing his laundry, cooking and cleaning, sharing the same bed, long nights of snoring, talking in his sleep, and hogging the bed. Most guys won't help doing any of the chores of the household because they feel it's the woman's job. That's where most marriages fail. It's not 1920 anymore it's the 2000's. I was lucky. My husband beats me to most of the cleaning when he isn't working and it amazes me. Every woman that is in a marriage should consider herself lucky. Unless her husband is a dead beat, no good, alcoholic abusive psycho. But there are so many different things that could wear a marriage out. And it's not just luck. You just have to seperate the losers from the winners. Good luck though!

Answer 7

I have a fantastic hubby. But we still bicker and argue. It's hard work living with another person, having to solve life's problems, and in general having to always be in tune with someone else's needs and feelings. I feel very lucky that my hubby and I are pretty much on the same wavelength most of the time, but still, there are those days I want to wring his neck.

I think it comes down to when you get married you have to accept that no one is perfect -- and accept all the flaws of your spouse. Coping with that -- or not -- is what makes or breaks a good marriage. It's not all candy and flowers even for the happiest of couples. But communicating your needs and what bothers you are so key.

Answer 8

The key is to find a person who you are truly meant to be with. I married extremely young, and hated it. I still wanted to be single, and go out with my single friends... like when I was in college...

I got divorced just over 2 years later...

Now, I am happier than I have ever been - I am married to the most wonderful man in the world... he makes my excitement 100 times better... and is able to lessen my sadness by 10 fold!

Overall... I have found the when you are with the right person - marriage is fabulous - but if you marry the wrong person - it can be HELL!

Answer 9

I'll tell you what wears people out the most...when people get married because they feel the need to get married, so they concentrate more on the chase and capture than they do on being real and open about who they are. It is truly awful when you find out they are totally different than the persona they put out there to "attract" a mate. So my advice is be totally real, and make sure you're holding the other person's feet to the fire to be real too. Because that's the only way you're going to know if you truly love this person and more importantly, truly compatible (and the two don't always go hand in hand).

Answer 10

For me marriage was the best thing i ever did me and my wife have plenty of rows but we are best mates at the same time and yeah she frustrates the hell out of me but it would be boring if we never argued or frustrated each other we still have good laughs now we have a good life not rich but happy it is not a fairy tale that would be boring. A good marriage is dependant on what you put in to it if you want a good marriage you have to work hard at it it is a struggle but well worth it and i wouldn t swap married life for the single world ever