should i feel guilty about it?

Question

i have a lot of close friends who are having problems, whether its cause of their past,home or just boyfriends. Im lucky as i dont have any of these problems as i have caring parents and my life tends to carry on with relitavely little problems. Because i have little problems all my friends lean on me and pretty much confide everything in me.I dont mind this most of the time and im happy to help but lately its been getting a bit out of control. I can think of around 10 people at the moment who i sat down with last week to listen to their problems and its starting to get me down because i never seem to have any time to myself.The other day i was behind with work at college so i went to do some but two of my friends phoned and asked where i was,i told them i was in the library doing work and that i'd see them at lunch but when i saw them next they were very cold towards me as if i should have put them before my work and i felt really guilty.should i be feeling like this,am i being used?

Answer 1

No you shouldn't feel quilty of putting yourself first. they have to understand that you have your life to live. and tell them that you don't mind, but you need time for yourself to get your things done. and If they don't understand then they are not really your friends. good luck. you did the right thing. and always put yourself first at everything you do.

Answer 2

Of course you shouldn't feel guilty! You sound like a nice person to have as a friend, and all these people have come to rely on you to confide in because you're a good listener. It sounds as though these people have selfishly come to rely on you being available with a sympathetic ear, so when you unexpectedly put yourself first they were a bit put out.

Two points: friendship is a two-way thing, it can't be all give or all take. These people may be going through a bad patch, but which of them do you think you could rely on to listen if you needed a shoulder? Keep them as friends, make an effort with them.

On the other hand, if there's someone who brings you down, ease them out of your life. Do you keep giving the same advice to someone, or hearing the same old moans from him/her, without any evidence that things are changing? If so, I would give up - some people are not happy if they're not wallowing in misery, so let them.

Answer 3

I would lay odds that you are a young girl of about 16. Well reading your post it sounds as though YOU need a friendly ear. The other peoples problems are REALLY getting you down at the wrong time too.
Tell the others that you have problems as well and that at the moment you really cannot handle other peoples problems as well.
It sad but a fact of life. For the record girls can be VERY nasty to the point of bullying over this sort of thing so try to get into a group of friends that are a group especially a mixed group that DO things.
This maybe the ATC, Army Cadets, or something similar.
Live your life.

Interesting its all girls that have answered 'cept me.

Answer 4

first of all, well done on being a strong person on whom your friends feel they can rely. Ther's a lot of people who would want to have a friend like you.
But I understand that having too many people leaning on you can be difficult - I've been there myself. You have to put your college work first, and tell your friends this; however, tell them that you have to get your assignments in but you will make room for them. Say that you are sure they would want you in a fully attentive mood and completely able to help them, rather than you being worried about your own problems. And then schedule a time with them that suits YOU! It's really about managing your diary, and prioritising your work. Don't be worried about alienating them. There's a saying that "misery likes company", which means that some sad people want other people to be in the same boat as them, then they can all moan together.
You're not being unkind, just be firm and tactful. I'm sure you can do this.

Answer 5

Congratulations on being a friend who is respected and someone who listens and helps. But dont let your friends bring you down. Let their lives serve as a reminder to you that you are very blessed and consider what you do to them a gift. But do be careful about giving too much. Do what you can and tell them you care and want to help but for instance, I really need to take time right now to finish my homework, etc. They will understand if they are your true friends. Give them an alternative such as I can talk to you tonight like you did or tomorrow. Be firm and dont give in. And dont feel guilty, you are well within your right. Good luck in college. Enjoy your friends and your time there. It was the best time in my life and I bet it will be yours as well.

Answer 6

Shouldn't feel guilty. You do have a problem as in friends are taking up too much of your time. You did nothing wrong and your studies are very important, if you end up with no qualifications you'll really know what problems are in later life. Don't think your friends are using you, just you are always there for them and they are taking you for granted. Explain if they want to problem share again you want to be there for them and if it is totally inconvenient tell them why and arrang a time suitable to you both. If the take offence at that they are not very good friends.

Answer 7

You should talk to yur friends about how your feeling about carry there weight and make them understand that you to have a life to live and your trying to do that by going to college and sorting out your future. You make as much time as you can for them but them not understanding you cat come at the beck and call when your studying is just not right and i hope you will realise this. You are obviously a very nice guy you just need to learn how to say NO.
Goodluck :o)

Answer 8

the only person u can look after is your self, if everyone did this, we would be alot happier, im not saying help ur friends but help them in the right way!!! advise them to get help if they need it, but u cant do it for them!!!!! ill put my hand up and say im prob like ur friends and say ive had a bad up bringing but it can be worse!!!!!!! the simpliest thing that we can all do to make us happier is take a look at what we have and be grateful for what we have!!!! maybe ur frineds should try this!!! it might give them a different perspective to theire problems!!! good luck but even listening to other peoples problems can damage ur happiness subconsicielsy(cant spell sorry! lol ) even counsellours need to off load problems they here every day think about it!!!!! just like a comp u can over load!!!!! hope this helps

Answer 9

Yes--you are being taken advantage of. Sometimes you have to practice "tough love" and have them figure out things for themselves. You need to take care of you and not feel the least bit guilty about that. Set some boundary lines, or these people will have you dancing like a puppet on a string. Help them to grow up. You will be doing them a big favor.

Answer 10

I would suggest that feeling guilty about it is some sort of self punishment.... Of course without guilt humans would have no conscience, no discomfort that leads to change... but it can also be a form of self punishment that does nothing to change circumstances and cause personal growth. We can never feel guilty enough to change the past, or other ppl's circumstances... we can never get sick enough to make some one else well. Maybe all your friends come to you not because "i have little problems all my friends lean on me".. maybe you get some kind of payoff (emotionally) being "the helper"... maybe you feel needed or superior.. or .. whatever it is for you... there is a negative payoff... additionally, constantly being in the midst of all that negativity will bring the strongest person down (karma)... what my friends and I have been learning to do for one another is to help each other change the negative into a positive... we all need to vent sometimes.. but that negativity only breeds more of the same... and the more we think about and talk about the negative, the more we invite it into our lives... when we focus more on positives it gives the negative less power and soon life changes. I think the best help you can give your friends is teaching them to focus on the positives. enough of the negative energy... and in order to be of any kind of support for others we need to first take care of ourselves... and studying is part of taking care of yourself... and ppl always get mad when they don't get their way; when we make changes, those around us will fight it because human nature does not like change.. especially when they perceive that they are not going to get their wants met. Furthermore, all that negative energy is very draining... which means less energy for you. How much of your energy are you willing to give away? I hope this helps.

Answer 11

It sounds like you have a very giving spirit, and people can sense this about you. Of course they will be attracted to you for this gift. But it is up to you to keep a balance. You have to take care of yourself first always, or you will not have anything to offer anyone else, and you will get burnt out. Don't be afraid to say no or put off helping until you feel well charged. Your feelings count too, and if these are true friends they will not be put off when you need time to yourself. Take care of your gift. : )