How do I control my hatred and anger I'm feeling towards my soon to be ex-wife?

Answer 1

It sure is hard, isn't it? Hopefully time will help ease your anger and hatred. Find a way to forgive her - and by forgive, I don't mean forgive and be her best friend, but your hate and anger aren't really hurting her in any way - but those feelings are making you unhappy. If you can find the forgiveness, you'll be able to let go of the hate/anger. But be patient with yourself. Coming to a place of forgiveness and healing after the end of a marriage takes time, relflection, more time, more reflection. It won't happen overnight. Good luck with moving on and forward!

Answer 2

Well, first off, remember that keeping angry feelings wont help you heal at all, and in order to go on with your life and be happy, you need to heal.
I dont know what happened between the 2 of you, But if you can find someway to forgive her, and really forgive her, forgiveness takes time, we have to know for sure when we forgive someone that we really mean it, which in turn would be never bringing the subject up again. Once you do forgive her, tell her you forgive her, No matter how much you may despise her and no matter how deep the anger is, Tell her, You wouldnt believe how much this will help you heal...Ive done it.
Once the healing process begins, the anger goes away...
Whatever it is that she has done, just find a way to go on, If you have children with her, Please try to get along for the childrens sake...
I hope this helps some...
Forgiveness is the Key...

Answer 3

Think of all the power you are giving her by being angry and full of hatred. You don't want to give your power away do you? Right now, she is controlling your life.
Do you have children? If so, it is imperative that you give this bitterness to the Lord, he will bear the burden for you. The children mustn't be exposed to this negativity that you are feeling.
Hate and anger only hurt you, and those you love the most, in the long run.
So, even if you don't have children, ask the Lord to forgive her for you, because maybe you aren't able to do so at the moment. Eventually, you will be able to forgive her, and take control of your life again.
God Bless You

Answer 4

You can't, sweetheart. When you say 'control', that translates to me as you saying 'bottle up'. It's never good to surpress anything, because you're not dealing with it, you're tucking it away 'until later'. It's still there, and your anger will most likely just build and build until you find some outlet for it, that you'll probably regret later.

Deal with it now. (In a non-violent manner might I add)
Acknowledge the reasons why you are angry. If you need to speak with her and let her now exactly how you feel, do it. If she wont listen, write a letter and leave it for her to find. If you cannot be around her, leave her presence when you don't need to be near her, and reflect on how you're going to make your future a better one.

I may not have completely addressed your issue, but all I'm saying is never to surpress, regret, or dwell on anything. It's unhealthy for the body.
Good luck, and God Bless....

Answer 5

Try to avoid her as much as possible. When I went thru my divorce, talking to my ex husband just got me more upset and angry. Remember also it is a normal step of dealing with divorce to feel both hatred and anger. You might want to channel that anger by working out instead, or hitting a punching bag! I would say try to avoid drinking and drugs, both will bring out more anger and other emotions as well. Focus on something else. I went to business school during my divorce and did great, it helped me out alot to change my focus. I also met some great new people.

Answer 6

This is really a tough one. You have my sympathy.

You already are on the way though. You recognize that you must get to a place where you can forgive or you will be a prisoner stuck in a bad relationship forever. You must escape this in order to move on and love again.

I found spiritual help in resolving this, and you may have to also. However, even science recognizes the importance of forgiveness to our mental (and physical) health.

Ultimately the answer is pretty simple, but difficult.
You must decide that you are going to forgive, and then practice it. The power of your will is awesome. It may take awhile, but you will get there. One morning you will wake up free, and you will be truly blessed.

Answer 7

If you want to ever be happy again, you will get rid of those feelings. They may be directed at her, for a betrayal or whatever, but it is you who will suffer the consequences of harboring these feelings. They will eat at you, consume your thoughts, make you not easy to be around, and unattractive. Squashing any chances of you finding your real true love. Practice letting the anger go, we all have made mistakes, and we all have hurt the people we love, Your X is not a bad person, she just wants happiness, like we all do and she was not happy, so she is off to find it. Wish her happiness . and wish the same for yourself. : )

Answer 8

If she is the one who ended the relationship, it becomes a matter of forgiving her and time for the wounds to heal.

One thing you can do is put some physical distance between you and her for awhile for your anger to cool. Then you may be able to talk to her if you wish. Although it is best just to cut your losses and forget about her.

Answer 9

Avoid contact with her in any form unless it is absolutely neccesary. When she calls, be nice but if and when she starts in on you just hang up. She might call back but either refuse to answer or pick up and tell her that if she starts arguing again you will hang up again and not answer.
Something that help me when my ex would call and start her crap with me was I found a new hobby, video games. That would let me take my pent up hostility out in a creative and fun way.

Answer 10

I don't know if you have a relationship with the Lord, but just pray about it. I know it sounds cliche, but it really works. Try to express the same love that Jesus has for us to her. If there are kids involved, this is really important. Hope this helps.