Why do some couples separate after losing a child?

Question

I don't have children myself. Is it because the pain they have shared is too heavy a burden, or something else?

So, Batu, why did you bother to "answer"? Ahh, yes, 2 sad points...

Answer 1

People cope with loss and grief in different ways - some of us want time alone, others want to be with those we love to ease the pain. When two people are going through something as tragic as loosing a child, if they are trying to cope in different ways, it can push them further apart. Sometimes this distance between a couple becomes too much, and they separate. There is also the problem that a partner can remind someone of their lost child, which would be a very painful thing to cope with on a daily basis.

Answer 2

When u lose a child the pain remains like a scar for a lifetime not a day goes by without u wondering and thinking what they would have been like. Its a mental torture, Some people find it difficult emotionally and physcially to deal with causing tremendous strain within a relationship to cope with. Some people will shut down completely not wanting anyone to invade on their grief, emotionally be upset for many weeks or months doing things way out of their character. No one can tell anyone about the hurt that comes with losing a child. I wont say u have to experience it because i wouldnt wish that on anyone. Time is a great healer in some cases others its the ruin of anything wonderful they once had. Bless everyone whos ever been in this situation and time is a great healer............

Answer 3

When a couple loses a child, the grief is so overwhelming that it can cause them to drift apart. That was not the case with my ex & I when we lost our 15y/o son while we were still married. I've seen many couples grow apart after the loss of a child & have also wondered why. The pain is almost unbearable & a couple can get lost in their own world while going through the grieving process. No two people grieve alike & I've seen couples make that a big issue in their lives after losing a child. That is very sad.

Answer 4

Some couples separate because they are unable to see the other ones pain.When you go through something like this you hurt so badly that it is hard to see that your spouse is feeling the same.And no two people handle grief in the same manner.When you don't see the other person acting the same way you are you feel like maybe they didn't care has much has you did.Of course it isn't that the other person doesn't care.They just have a different way of showing their grief.When this happens there is a breakdown in communication.You are to preoccupied with yourself and your grief you shut out the rest of the world.You aren't parent and you haven't went through this.So I know it is hard for you to understand the hell that one experiences when they lose a child.But imagine your worse fear now imagine it came true.And you have to live with this for the rest of your life.You have to relive it every time you see a picture of it.Or see or smell something that reminds you of it.Has for staying in a marriage after experiencing something like losing a child.It is nearly impossible but if you can find a way to look outside yourself and your pain long enough to see your spouses pain.And understand that your aren't the only one who lost the child then you have a better chance of your relationship surviving the tragedy.

Answer 5

My parents lost a daughter from SIDS when I was nearly 5. It is a very difficult to comprehend why things happen. There is so much love in a child. It was there at the conception, at the birth, and only grew leaps and bounds to immeasurable levels. To have that taken away is like losing a part of who you are. Mourning takes on many forms, and if the relationship wasn't strong to begin with, it could be imposable to recover from. Some people blame themselves, each other, God, whatever...and they can't forgive, or move beyond thier pain. It is very sad for sure. My parents didn't split after the death of my lil sister. My mom had another baby, and she is terrific (Of course we all grown now) but later they split. Which is sad to overcome something so tragic, to end it over some "nothing". I don't know if my answer helps, but I tried.

Answer 6

The pain is just too much for them. They constantly remind each other of their loss, and they already have poor communication. That's probably one reason. Some couples use having children as an excuse to "save" their marriage. Big mistake. What's a little child suppose to do? Council them? Come on. Once that child is gone, then they are back to square one, just a few years later with the same problems they always had.

Answer 7

Its complicated. Some couples are not strong enough to go through the kind of emotional turmoil that losing a child would incur. There are a multitude of reasons and the one you listed could very well be one. Losing a child can change people, and sometimes they can be hard to love after something like that happens. I hope this helps.

Answer 8

Grief over a child is a terrible thing; it takes all of your resources to simply survive; so there is nothing left for your other half.
In addition, people have different ways of coping, and the partner who sees their half seemingly getting on with life, may become resentful;
some couples may try to blame someone for their child's death, and the obvious scapegoat is the nearest and dearest; if that happens, the couple usually break up. It is very very hard to come back to trusting each other if this is the case.

Answer 9

a child is the worst person to lose. you are the parent, you are supposed to die before your child. when that doesn't happen, it becomes very stressful beyond the normal grief. it may be something like they were your only child and had no kids so you won't have any grandkids. because of things like that, you no longer live the same life. there may be blame but i don't think that is a big part of it. i think it is too stressful to go on with your daily life after you lost a child. it's easier to forget, but you can't when faced with a daiily reminder every day when you wake up next to the person that helped you create your child.

Answer 10

I guess because that is one of the most difficult things to happen to a couple and they are both greiving individually instead of together. Men and women cannot feel the same way after that and I guess it just puts a lot of space in a relationship until it falls apart. Some do I guess, not all. My mom lost a baby at 7 months before I was born, she got pregnant with me 2 weeks later and here I am.