I need advise in how to approach my husband?

Question

My husband doesn't take care of himself, he eats crap and smokes and does not seem to understand the consequences of that and what is actually doing to his body. I am not perfect myself, not a perfect body but at least try to watch what I eat, stopped smoking. Sometimes I feel we are in two completely different worlds and he doesn't want to do none of the stuff I am trying to. I feel like little things like that are going to doom our relationship, and we are going to end up failing. Sometimes I try to forget about it and just don't worry about the food . For example, yesterday we ordered pizza and I ate only two slices, I was full and even made me feel bad cuz I haven't eaten pizza in a long time. He finished the rest and that really upsets me, he always takes it to extremes. The only thing that he says is that I lecture him..and everytime I say something he looks the other way. What should I do?

Answer 1

Lecturing him doesn't work...show him the way that you are doing, and how good it's working! Sell the sizzle! The second you start lecturing him, he "turns you off" so to speak, and doesn't hear a word you say.

Answer 2

When you first married him...did he smoke and have the same habits that he does now? If so, you knew what you were getting into and should not try to change him. That will only result in more conflict and possibly eventually a seperation or divorce. Just because you changed doesn't mean he has the willpower to change. Smoking is a VERY hard habit to break as is overeating. Not everyone can just up and quit smoking after years of doing it.Try to accept him for who he is while at the same time postively encouraging him to change his habits and live healthier. Make meals that are healthy and buy healthy foods when you go grocery shopping. Encourage him to go walking with you or even hiking, swimming...you could get both of you a gym membership. Also, buy him some nicorette gum and encourage him to try it. All you can do is try and use constructive criticism not deconstructive, judgemental criticism. Don't make him feel that you are downing him for his lifestyle. Let him know that you want him to be around for a long time and he his hurting his health. Just don't be forceful about it. It will take a long time and alot of patience.

Answer 3

When I read this, it mirrored my situation. My husband smokes and eats to extremes. Everyday I come home from work there is a fast food bag shoved in the garbage and an empty soft drink container on the coffee table. That and he smokes a pack a day. He says it's his outlet to stress. That's just a sad excuse for me. I have talked to him about it but doesn't work either. He tells me "I hate the way I look. I am so fat." He is a little on the husky side, but I just encourage him to eat better and join the gym. I have even offered to join with him too. If you have grocery control in the house stay away from all of the high sat fats and junk type food and focus on what is healthy. He obviously needs to learn portion sizes...I think, as does every man I have met. He needs to teach his body how to feel full. If you get him to go with you to the gym there are personal trainers there and, at most places, a nutritionist. His habits are off the charts for crazy. He needs to snap out of it, otherwise it's just a heart attack waiting to happen.

Answer 4

Hopeless?
It seems so, since we know a lot about nutrition these days.

However, lecturing obviously does not work. What else could you do?

I would cook healthful food most of the time, the type he likes, but the healthier version. His taste buds will gradually change as his body cleanses out. When we cleanse too fast, we feel bad, since it is hard work for our body. Cleansing gradually is much healthier. Yet, a very week body needs healing food right away to rebuild itself. A still somewhat strong system may cleanse too fast on identical, healthful food. This then may look like a disease, when the toxins are stirred up and coming out of the body.

Of great concern may be the smoking. As we all know, there are hundreds if not thousands of toxic chemicals to a cigarette, which numb the body and seem to "calm" as that person may interpret it. It may be best when a friend or close relative he trusts will gently talk to him about it.

When he is willing to quit smoking, he may want to try a clove bud in his mouth to calm him instead of a cigarette, or best see a hypnotherapist. They often have good programs to quit smoking.

As a step to protect yourself, I would ask him to only smoke outside the house and outside the car. Otherwise, you have to inhale all the toxicity from the cigarettes, too. If he agrees to this, you have already gotten somewhere. If he does not agree, you may want to ask someone he trusts to gently talk to him about it.

You may also want to detoxify your home using incense, as churches do. You may use inscense sticks, frankincense on charcoal tablets or a bundle of sage you can buy in health food stores.

Much success on the way to healthy living!
Cordially, India.Magica

Answer 5

this is a tough one my ex husband was just like this if i bought ice cream at the store buy the end of the night it was gone i usually didn't get any he drank a case of beer every other day and smoked a few packs a day what really striaghtened him out was the heart attack he had and than everything changed he was an extreamist in good health hopefully this doesn't happen to your husband but unless he is willing to change it most likley and as for smoking which i am sure you know is hard to quit and success will only happen when he is ready same goes for his eating habits he is the only one who will have the strength to change him self you could bag and plead but unless it's his decision it will ultimately fail i also think if you keep nagging that it make him resentful and even more reluctant to change so just keep with the things you are doing for your oun health and hopefully at some point he will realise that what your doing is what he should be doing good luck to you leave it alone with him for a little while and see how it goes...

Answer 6

Glad you still have him around to care about him. You could plan an evening at home. Tell him to get dressed up. You gonna give him a nice candle light dinner. Serve only the healthy foods. Include the things from salad, soup, main course, and dessert.Tell him it is a no smoking dinner date at the restaurant of love.... which is your heart. Let him see how you went out of your way to prepare him such a delight... with all the trimmings but lowcalorie and fat free and most of all good tasting. Give him a jump start to better eating. Show him how good it can be.

Answer 7

Its nice that your concerned for your husbands well being,but you cannot dictate to your husband what he should eat,or how much he smokes etc..My suggestion for you is to do the weekly shopping and cook healthy meals for the two of you,and that doesn't mean putting him on a diet because your on one,and you have to be reasonable with your purchases still allowing him the things he likes doing this gradually he may not notice.Buy more fruits and veggies,make well balanced meals and try not to worry so much about what he is doing and take care of yourself.When he is ready to get healthy he will,but you bickering at him will only make him open another bag of Cheetos and resent you.

Answer 8

Is he unhealthy or does he just have a strong appetite? My fiance can eat a whole pizza by himself but he's in good shape, has a nice fit body and is healthy. About smoking, yes he definitely should stop that but it's really hard, no one I know is able to stop smoking, but it is possible. Maybe he can work on it but you can compromise and just ask him to smoke outside away from you. If he is eating unhealthily all the time and doesn't just have a big appetite then you should just talk to him... make him eat healthier. It won't be easy because people want what they want, but it'll be worth it in the long run. You can't let your marriage fail over a few boxes of twinkies and camels... you need to talk to him.

Answer 9

If you have tried to talk to him before, there is really nothing else you could say to him. This is something that he has to do on his own. Just tell him that you are worried about him and that you don't want to loose him. If you cook at home start out slowly changing the things you cook. There are alot of healthy recipes out there and there are ways to make even the worst foods out there more healthy. Like cooking with olive oil, using low-fat or even fat free products, bake instead of fry. Grill a lot. Most guys I know love anything that was cooked on the pit and it is healthier for them too. That's all I know, you can't force him to change, it's his decision.

Answer 10

Continue to be a good role model. Eat healthy foods, exercise, take good care of yourself. At some point he may find himself admiring that about you... and maybe, just maybe, he might go for a salad one night instead of half a ham. But harping at him will just make the matters worse. So, go about your life ... quietly and with good, healthy living habits. The only thing I would draw the line on is smoking in your presence because we know second hand smoke can be very harmful.

Answer 11

I sympathize with you on not taking care of himself. My wife thinks that I am nagging her when I try to get to quit smoking, visiting a doctor or dentist. She tells me that it is her business, and not mine on how she takes care of her body or health.l
Now we do not have the problem with over eating or taking each others portions. When we order pizza, we normally have about three to four slices left over when we finish eating.
I just with she would stop smoking and visit a doctor or dentist for a checkup, but that is out of the question.
Every person is different when you approach them, so I do not know how your husband will react when you approach him on the things that you listed above. I wish you the best of luck in the world, because my wife will not listen to me or the children.
Have a wonderful weekend.-