daughter 15... seems to becoming agoraphobic?

Question

my daughters grades have gone down .. she has always been very shy but now seems to be panicking about leaving school. she hasnt signed up for anything after May. she is also refusing to go out alone, but this has always been the case. with friends she is happy to go. she says she is feeling very insecure... she doesnt tell me she has no homework and has just managed to fail all her mocks. someone must have been through this...any advice.?
for the most part she is still quite young for her age, no make up boys, drinking drugs etc... she's quite open with us but just seems so worried at the moment.
any advice gratefully received... Nikki
xxx

Answer 1

Sounds like bullying, emotional as well as other.

most part she is still quite young for her age, no make up boys, drinking drugs


Thats a problem...


much as parents would love their little girls and boys to stay sweet littlwe 8 year olds life aint like that.


And those who dont grow up with good pulling chat up skills, pulling boys/girls, eventually progresing to boy and girlfriends and getting kissed and felt up, (ie affection and being wanted) getting into 18 rated movies, sneaking off to parties and rebellious hair etc.


End up like this only far far worse to come.


Unless you sort this NOW...

You have self harm appearing... poss problematic drug use (ie using to block out pain the quickest route to addiction no recreational use and more serious drugs like heroin or serious drinking alone and in secret).


Then as the isolation and lonleyness kicks in Id put your kid on suicide watch and take what she says seriously as little things maybe a goodbye.

Suidice is common in teenagers for things like this unable to eel with growing up and finding loe and handling realtioships.


Only they tend not to know all that much and pick sloppy ways to do it that result in very slow and painful deaths like slow strange hanging where no neck break drop or painkiller ods which take 3 days and hurt like hell and after a point can't be stopped even if the kid changes their mind...

I could be nice and tell you what you want to hear... It wont help. Bein nice is saying what Im saying as been there and still fucked up in 30s having never been able to form a proper realtioship and destined to a life alone hence all the help to teeangers so they don't go thorugh it.


She needs someone to lead her astray... Not in a really bad way... just to loose the gooddy goody aspects and teach her to live a little, live life, grow up and get a bit of independance and social and love life.

You may worry about her getting pregnant...

Id worry more about a dead daughter as thats where this is leading for whom being alive is less fun then being dead.


Someone to get he into concerts...


Music scenes like metal, goth, rave ie the alternative scenes are welcoming and get people involved and less judgemental.
More friendly.


Martial arts lessons like www.kravmaga.co.uk would be a real help especailly if being bullies and better then karate.

And dance lessons say if in the uk Pineapple dance studios in covent garden... Say break dancing... would make her popular in parties and later nightclubs.

As said needs someone to Say like in the End of the movie greace to trun her from little girl sandy to rock chick sandy.,


Assertive lessons also help.


And having the girls take her on a make over to sexy her up clothes and loose the glasses, hide the braces, tight top, teach her to be proud and confident of body etc... The fact she is a girl and come out of that shell.

To get her into parties you dont (pretend) know about only with people who while a bit wild will look after her.

Get mates to get guys interested in her or get her into a spot where guys will notice.



Things like skateboarding or extreme sports like surfing help (bikinis def help) as lots of boys who like girls up for the sports which boost confidence and tend to avoid trouble makers.

Like Avril Lavenges Ska8ter Boi video

Also if not sorted and tougnening her up and boosting that confidence when she does get a guy will be a whimp and easy abused and pushed around.

Rather then the Cyote Ugly bar dancing girls who are wild and confident and control the boys .

You need to recruit people to get her out and dirty her up a bit...


get her acting her age.

Someone who wont get her into a gang or serious trouble.

As said your freaky looking music cultures are actually the safest.

All the fights I saw and nasty ones were in the normal smart dress venues.

In the metal ones I fall over, several pick me up. And people dont get that drunk... in the smart dress no trainer ones... yob and vomit city.


Oh and removing the computer may help.

Answer 2

Take her to a nutritionist and/or doctor. Make sure you all discuss what nutrients she needs and how she can get them from a vegan diet. I'm talking numbers here. How many grams of protein, how many grams of fiber, how much vitamin A, B, C, etc. Figure out how to do this WITHOUT the supplements. (Aside from a multivitamin, which is useful for everyone, and perhaps a B complex if she's not going to be eating enriched foods.) If your daughter is serious about going vegan, she will step up and show you by going along to the doctor with you, asking questions, and making a strong effort to eat right with her new diet. Agree to a trial period of a month or so. Then go back to the doctor. See how her health is and what the doctor thinks. Insist that she learn how to cook. There are tons of meals out there that can easily be made vegan, but for the ones that aren't, she should be able to throw together a little something to supplement the parts of the meal that she can eat. It also wouldn't hurt to have her get a job and buy some of the expensive stuff (like frozen dinners/vegan junk/prepared foods) on her own. She really isn't going to be horribly limited by her dietary choices... I could easily cut animal products from my diet and still eat something different and delicious every day. It takes a bit more creativity, of course, but it's not difficult. Good luck to you all.

Answer 3

I don't know the source of your daughter's problems but I don't think it is a bad thing that she only wants to go out with friends. At least she has that! If she is suddenly self-conscious about the way she looks, she may not like going out alone on errands. And why would you expect her to go out alone to social events; that is not a natural choice for a teenager.
The drop in her grades is a serious matter - sit down with her every night and read a book or work on bills or whatever - and make sure she produces homework. An hour or two each night - stick to it faithfully and she wil feel like you are backing her up in her efforts. Tape whatever shows you will miss on tv and watch them later. Make dinner simple. Let the phone pick up messages during that time. Talk to her teachers by e-mail (that is easy to do these days) and tell them that she is working for x amount of time every night on schoolwork - then they will know she is not just ignoring work. They will give you more guidance for getting her grades back up.

Answer 4

Fortunately, this is a problem that often responds very well with cognitive-behavioral counseling and/or medications.

The counseling can help her get past some of the fear as well as look at the root causes and try to uproot them and work them out. This may be all she needs to do.

If she needs medication, it can help take the edge off of the anxiety so it's possible for her to enjoy life. People are often resistant to putting kids on meds, but if it's going to simply balance out brain chemicals so they're where they're supposed to be, it's like using insulin for diabetes.

Speak with your MD and if s/he isn't familiar, you may want to find a good adolescent psychologist who work panic/agoraphobia. You might also keep an eye out to see if you're observing signs of depression or OCD as well so you can let her doctor know.

Just assure her that you're on her side and you'll work this out together. Also, let her know that she's just going through a rough patch right now and it'll pass and things will be better.

Answer 5

I would say talk to the school about your daughters behaviour there with out her knowing as if she finds out she might not trust you again. Maybe talk to your GP or nurse about your daughter and see what advice they have to offer you. My children are only young but I do hope this situation gets sorted out for the whole family.
Good luck

Answer 6

Have you thought about the possibility that she may be being bullied? You can phone the school, and ask for an appointment with her teacher, but do this without her knowing as she may feel more pressured into performing for you.

Good luck.

Answer 7

1

Answer 8

I was a bit like that at her age-virtually locked myself in my room,couldn't be bothered with school,was moody, was drinking, etc..but with me it was because i was struggling with my sexuality and didn't know what was going on,who to turn to etc...could it be that?No offence intended but give her the opportunity to 'come out'/talk about it just incase. Our daughter's friend has been behaving like that recently-running away etc though and we suspect she's gay (gaydar goes off everytime she's here!) but her parents don't give her a chance to talk about it.Try that avenue maybe?

Answer 9

u arent a regular mom
ur a cool mom

Answer 10

Perhaps this link could help:

http://www.briomag.com/briomagazine/relationships/a0005048.html