for married men.....?

Question

Just curious y men don't like to seek marriage counseling...is it cause they don't want to tell someone what they are doing wrong or is it cause they just have too much pride in them to admit that it might help

or could it just be that maybe they don't want to fight anymore...which is the most reasonable answer

Answer 1

I'm going to guess it is a societal constraint.

Boys are encouraged not to cry, not to share emotions, to be a man, etc etc. They are not encouraged growing up to share their emotions and talk about things like this.

As a result men are often not well equipped to seek this kind of help and have therapy or counseling.

Answer 2

Every case is different. My wife and I haven't been to any counseling since our pre-marital counciling, but we've talked about going back. Everything is great, but we were suprised at what helped (and what didn't help but didn't hurt) in our pre-marital counciling.

For a lot of guys I've known, it's hard to articulate what's keeping them from going. That means I can really only guessed based on what they can articulate and what I know from 28 years of being a guy. Pride, money, and not wanting to fight are all going to be major factors. But I think another part of it is the fear that it will become one more tool to use against them. Face it: most women are better at social stuff than men, and women tend to find people to help them gang up on their husband. There's an answerer above me who is the perfect example of this: he goes to counciling alone because it's suposedly all his problem. Most men are (on some level, I think) afraid that this is what will happen to them, and the counciler will become one more person the wife uses to mentally beat up her husband. Finding a counciler you can both trust would go a long way toward solving that, but then you've still got to break through the pride issues.

Answer 3

My wife and I have gone to marriage counceling, and I think it's VERY important because if problems come up in the marriage and the couple is having problems communicating, I think they should go to a marriage councelor, because this person can be a neutral person to help mediate and help to give suggestions about healthy conflict resolution.

My wife and I have seen a pastor from our church, and it's really helped alot.

I think alot of guys don't like to go because they feel that they are not doing anything wrong, or because they feel that the councelor is going to side with their wife and say that they are doing all this stuff wrong.

And it is also a pride issue, men as a whole we feel that we can fix it. And we don't like to ask for help. So yes it is a pride issue also.

Answer 4

It is not only men that do not seek marriage counseling, there are women out there that will not seek marriage counseling.
I think it is the person or persons that are afraid to seek counseling.
Have a wonderful weekend.

Answer 5

In many cases, I think doing something wrong is taking my eyes off of the floor six inches in front of my toes and accidently seeing a female. For all of the things I have been falsely accused of that hurt her "feelings", she is the one that needs mental help. According to her I have cheated on her with every woman in this small town and sure I know almost all of the women (and men) in this town because I had a public business here for 22 yrs. If I said hello to a woman or gave her a compliment like "you look nice today" I could have just as well have gone to bed with them. I did not hurt her feelings, her insecurities and jealousies caused her to hurt herself. Her Dad is a cheating piece of CRAP and I'm the one that had to live with it for 22 yrs. I guess she thinks all men are like that. Divorce will be final on Mar. 29, 2007. She is still the love of my life and I have no interest in any other woman. I just can't live with it anymore.

Answer 6

It's not just a man thing... people in general do not like to face up to their own inferiors. When someone seeks the intervention of a counselor, they will be forced to admit that the problems they have in the marriage are not one sided, and admitting to ones imperfections is difficult.

Answer 7

I am in marriage counselling. Alone.

My wife has gone once with me. She says the problems are all mine.

My counsellor says I am an anomaly in that she almost never has people come alone to counselling who aren't having affairs or have drug problems or something. People rarely come in because they are "unhappy and want to fix it". They usually come in when the boat is already sinking.

So, going in for counselling, I think, made my wife feel that she was right all along - the problems are mine.

Answer 8

Maybe it's just the man you married. I went to marriage counseling when I needed it. On my own.

Answer 9

We get tired of fighting. Most accept the fact that things can't be
fixed. A counselor is like a pesky neighbor, wants to know everything to tell everyone else.

Answer 10

Many men are pridefukl and do not want others to know that they have a problem with their relationships. You could choose to speak with a preacher if you are church members. If you are not members of the Lord's Church, then you could look for a Non-denominational Church near your home and visit to make sure that they follow the scriptures. Ask some questions and see if they can answer why they do things during their services. See if they can give Book, Chapter, and Verse for what they are doing. Then set up a BIBLE STUDY for both of you to attend. This should be a time of each week that you can both be there. Write it in your schedules and on your refrigerator. Do your weekly reading and study together. This can be fun and GOD will be pleased with what you are doing.

To become a real Christian, we are told that we must HEAR the WORD in John 6:45, Jesus said, “It is written in the prophets, And they shall all be taught by God. Therefore everyone who has heard and learned from the Father comes to Me.” We are also told so in Romans 10:17 So then faith comes by hearing, and hearing by the word of God. We are told the we must BELIEVE in Hebrews 11:6 But without faith it is impossible to please Him, for he who comes to God must believe that He is, and that He is a rewarder of those who diligently seek Him. We are also told so in Mark 16:16, Jesus said “He who believes and is baptized will be saved; but he who does not believe will be condemned.” and in John 5:24 "Most assuredly, I say to you, he who hears My word and believes in Him who sent Me has everlasting life, and shall not come into judgment, but has passed from death into life. We are told that we must REPENT (or turn from sin) in Luke 13:3 I tell you, no; but unless you repent you will all likewise perish. Also in Acts 17:30 Truly, these times of ignorance God overlooked, but now commands all men everywhere to repent. We are told to CONFESS CHRIST in Romans 10:9-10 that if you confess with your mouth the Lord Jesus and believe in your heart that God has raised Him from the dead, you will be saved. For with the heart one believes unto righteousness, and with the mouth confession is made unto salvation. We are also told in 1 Timothy 6:12 Fight the good fight of faith, lay hold on eternal life, to which you were also called and have confessed the good confession in the presence of many witnesses. We are to be BAPTIZED according to Acts 2:38 Then Peter said to them, "Repent, and let every one of you be baptized in the name of Jesus Christ for the remission of sins; and you shall receive the gift of the Holy Spirit.” and Mark 16:16 He who believes and is baptized will be saved; but he who does not believe will be condemned. We are to CONTINUE to be FAITHFUL UNTIL DEATH according to Revelation 2:10c Be faithful until death, and I will give you the crown of life. We also know that Paul wrote in Romans 14:12 each of us shall give account of himself to God. It is important that we not ignore what is written, change what is written, or add to what is written in the New Testament which is our Christian Guide. Have a great day!
Eds