my boyfriend is serving in iraq and we talk as much as we can...i write him letters, emails and always make sure that im here when he calls...im always working on packages to send...so i never want him not knowing what im doing and im always here for him....but sometimes when we talk on the phone he will ask me what im up to...im honest...when i go out with friends i tell him...when i have lunch with the co workers or dinner, i tell him...but his attitude seems to drop a little when i say im out at night...although i keep reassuring that im loyal no matter what....is there something i can say or do that will make him feel secure that i only want him? ive been told that your mind plays tricks on you over there cause of all the time you have on your hands, and soldiers are being cheated on left and right...but that is never a thought in a million years for me...im a doing all i can? am i missing something else?
2007-01-27 03:33:20 · 10 answers · asked by nonyerbusiness 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Just keep reassuring him. Being in a war zone messes with your head in ways you cannot even imagine. He knows he is powerless to leave and just has to trust you.
2007-01-27 03:48:00 · answer #1 · answered by ZCT 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I know from experience that it's difficult for your bf to be separated from you. He is lonely and probably feels like you're livin' it up without him. Just reassure him that you love him and be there for him. My husband, (boyfriend at the time) and I were separated for over two years and this was when internet didn't exist! :) Hand written letters a card everyday, buying a deck of cards and taking out the KING OF HEARTS, writing a note on the card..stuff like this goes a long way. Word of advice..don't rush into marriage, I'm not sure if it's been discussed, however, I've seen a lot of military marriages rush into marriage, then here comes the baby, and each of the individuals involved haven't had quality time together to get to know each other. If you're both in it for the long haul, marriage can wait. (My husband and I waited 6 years, and two deployments) before we married. It was worth every minute of it. He questioned me when he was away, but I did reassure him no matter what I was his. It's been 20 years, and three boys later. Good luck to you and may God watch over him and keep him safe.
2007-01-27 03:55:37 · answer #2 · answered by Lisa D 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Well I think its great all the things that you are doing. But put yourself in his place, in your mind.If you were there and he was here would you like to know that he was out at night? I think that always give the impression of "no good" Day outings and such are fine, but if you were mine and i was him I wouldn't be feeling to secure knowing that you were going out at night no matter what you say you are not doing. He is probably picturing you dancing with other men and drinking and he knows he is not able to be there to satisfy your loneliness so.... Do him a favor stop the night parties and he will feel a lot better. Also hearing how much fun you are having is hard to handle while he is there wishing he were with you. You may not think that your information is hurtful because you don't mean it to be, but it more than likely is.
2007-01-27 03:49:32 · answer #3 · answered by *queenfairy1*Antioch California 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You have to understand one thing.....when a soldier deploys time stands still for them. Your life goes on. You get to watch the news, eat a BK, Hang out with friends and go to bed when you want. On a deployment things are different. Your man has probably heard many stories from other men who have lost wives and girlfriends. All you can do is assure him that you are faithfull. When he returns give him time to adjust to "normal" life, after being in Iraq he will need alot of support and understanding.
Also you may not want to tell him all the great times your having going out with friends. Remind him of all the great times the two of you have had.
In the end if it is meant to be you will end up together. Good luck!!!
2007-01-27 04:04:36 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
ive been there and worked side by side with the guys... the number of people being faithful is way less than those not, so im sure hes just worrying that youre going to do the things that everyone else is doing. if youre not, then thats great for you! i am now my husbands frg leader, and theyve only been gone 5 months and we already have a least 3 divorces being filed. email him ALOTdont rush him off the phone when he calls, and send him hot sexy "for his eyes only" pics ;)
2007-01-27 03:51:35 · answer #5 · answered by *never give up* 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Maybe he is sincere and needs the reassurance.
But listen to the other writer has a good point, sometimes when people are suspicius and constant questioning is because they are the ones doing the bad stuff, sorry to say. There are women soldiers over there and many prostitutes from different countries(european) when they go on R&R to U.A.E or where ever.
2007-01-27 03:51:42 · answer #6 · answered by takethepain2579 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Honesty is always the best quality. Brutal honesty isn't! Yours is in the gray area between honesty and brutal honesty. Please don't mess with his mind any more. I know that you never intended to do it. Why not just downplay the fun stuff. He's in misery over there. He knows his life can be snuffed out with one small sniper bullet, at any time. Combine that with my wife is back having diner parties, out kicking up her heels with friends. How would you feel? The marriages that made it so well during the Vietnam war were those where the wives were aware of the psychological trauma that even not combat veterans go through. You don't have to give him the horrible details of your life. Just that the mundane chores of everyday life are handled, by you. The joys of life can be clouded over a bit.
2007-01-27 04:02:16 · answer #7 · answered by delux_version 7 · 0⤊ 2⤋
you know that will be exactly my situation in march... see my fiancee is going irak but at this present time he is in training and when we talked which was a week ago he asked me if i was cheating on him... i think that this is their main concerned because of so many stories they heard about others soldiers. one of our friend who is also in the company as my fiancee was married to a woman who toke all his money and ran with another guy... how horrible!!!!!!!!!!! and he is not the only one who has stories like that, you know... all you have to do is to prove when he comes back that you haven't done anything... show him as much love as possible whe he is home... and above all don't let those questions make you mad and destroy your relationship with him... but he wont stop asking you no matter what you do As long as he is in irak...
good luck, and stay strong
2007-01-27 03:48:35 · answer #8 · answered by sholla 1 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Seems to me like the man has been fooling around on you.
If he's accusing you of fooling around, he's been fooling around.
How do I figure this much? My late husband was fooling around, and I didn't know it, but he constantly suspected me of doing so and made my life miserable for it. I found out later that he was cheating on me.
Don't kid yourself, soldiers cheat on spouses back home with others in Iraq. My niece is going through a divorce, now, because her soldier husband, who is stationed in Iraq, found someone new. Don't believe everything your beloved is laying on you. You want to be the well informed one. Do your research and talk to other military wives whose men are in Iraq.
Best of luck to you.
2007-01-27 03:45:05 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 1⤋
Its a tough situation,just look past all the questions.Deep down he knows you are not cheating.I know this from expieriance.Its great you are being faithful,unlike so many other wives who are not.Keep it up,and pray for his safe return.
2007-01-27 03:42:29 · answer #10 · answered by Robert B 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋