Last year my husband was caught on myspace chating with other women. I have found again some requests. help.

Question

My sister was the one who found out and told me. recently, I found documentation where he had been chating again. Nothing asking to meet anyone or anything like that, but i never got over the last time. The first time he chatted and met with males and females secretly for dinners and motorcycle rides. The dishonest hurt. He also would ask for naked pics over the net and make like it was just a big joke. I'm really hurting. No, he should not have to tell me everything, but why should he hide things from me. Please help. I really don't have anyone to talk to.,

Answer 1

I would leave him. ONCE A CHEATER ALWAYS A CHEATER! How do you know for sure that he did not meet them and have sex?

Answer 2

He is hiding it because he knows it will hurt you. He just didn't think it through enough to know if you ever found out it would hurt you more.You need to talk to him about your findings and how it has made you feel. Make sure he gives you clear answers. Guys are visually stimulated so looking at naked girls needs no explanation. Going to dinners and motorcycle rides without you needs explaining. The reason he is hiding these activities from you needs explaining. You defnately have to work these issues out. Would he feel it was okay for you to do the same?? If so, a committed relationship, a partnership, a wife, is not what he deserves. He can not have his cake and eat it too. You do not have to be included in all of his activities, but you should definately have knowledge of them. Absolutely. He should have nothing to hide. Its what he would expect of you right?

Answer 3

I would ask him and yourself why he feels compelled to participate with other women and not with you..sexually? Can you talk to him without critcizing him or knocking him? Can he mention that he finds a certain type of woman attractive? Are you a jealous-type or have "high than thou" standards for your relationship or your marriage? If you can't be honest and let him be honest then he's probably keeping a lot of other stuff from you too. It's hard to hear but at the very least you'll know where he's coming from. I've been married for 20 years and it took a lot of communication regarding boundaries, respecting one anothers wishes, and expressing our feelings. Differentiating between fantasies between him and I, and inappropriate actions. Good luck, my best advice is communicate, communicate, communicate. Listen and don't judge. Don't get me wrong, don't be a push over and let him walk all over you..but be flexible. You have more control than you probably realize, don't think that you're not desireable or he doesn't want you. Because women pretty much control everything. ;) You have to learn how to understand and meet his needs so he doesn't want to look anywhere else.

Answer 4

FIrst of all, did the two of you discuss how you felt the last time this happened? Was there any resolution, or did you just let it blow over? And do you have a healthy relationship where you can discuss things openly? I think there are bigger problems then him chatting online. You say the dishonesty hurt. I can understand that, but does it not bother you that he's been meeting with other men and women? Are you saying that if he openly told you what he was doing you'd be ok with it? Does he really care about you or your feelngs? if you told him how you felt, would he want to change things to avoid hurting you, or does he even care? I think these are bigger issues than him chatting online.

Answer 5

Well if he is not being honest about that then what else is he lying about, Tell him you want to seperate just tell him its not working out and that he has no business being on the net talking to other women, when he has you. He is lying about the naked pics also, he is asking for them and not as a joke either. He is probably cheating on you get rid of him before he gives you an STD.Tell him you are threw with him, you can do alot better.

Answer 6

It really sounds like he is cheating on you - I mean fully cheating. It would be in your best interest to assume the worst. I know that you want to believe him when he says nothing is going on, but all the signs point to the fact that he is lying. My husband cheated on me so I know how you feel. When a person is in the midst of an affair they do something that is called 'gaslighting'. Gaslighting is when they will say anything to make you think you are wrong, they will tell you that your crazy, that your paranoid, thay will seem to be very offended by the accusations and may even get aggressive. This means that unless you have solid proof which backs them into a corner and gives them no choice but to admit what is going on, they just won't. Many people who are confronted with evidence that proves beyond a shadow of a doubt that they are cheating will STILL deny it. You need to trust your gut feelings because they are usually right. What you need to do is to figure out how you feel about a) the fact that he has been with at least one other woman, and b) how you will feel when he continues to lie to you. If he IS man enough to own up to it, then you have a better chance of working it out. Most importantly - remain calm. You need to let him feel that it is safe for him to open up to you if you are to have any chance at all of finding the truth - but expect denial. You need to confront him and tell him about the texts you found - unless you feel strongly that you need better evidence first. I'm sorry your in this situation. Try to get in touch with the woman, call her off his phone and see what she has to say for herself - but again, keep calm and don't attack, that will never lead to anything productive. It may be that she has no idea that he is married, in which case she will be in shock also. Take it a moment at a time and try to keep your head together as much as possible.

Answer 7

hmm. this is a hard subject. but i think if he goes back over the line[which he has done] and starts up again, that you should have a serious talk. especially since last time he asked for naked pics and met up with ppl of both sexes... tell him its not a joke and that you have suspision that he is starting this cycle again. maybe even have someone you trust [like your sister] come over and help you guys talk it out, this way you have someone with a different, yet respectable perspective. maybe even go to a marrige therapist, even though it sounds weird.
and yet if he starts it up again or cant change his ways i'd dump him, even though it is harsh, but the stuff he is doing is not right, especially since you two are married, he should be over that. but if you guys divorce then he can go on his merry little way.

hope this helps=]

Answer 8

I would get the Internet disconnected, take the computer to Good Will and take a vacation.

He needs to decide if his cyber buddies and addiction to online porn is more important than his flesh and blood wife.

You cannot trust someone who sneaks around behind your back requesting naked photos of their women. That is not what you do when you are a married man. That's how you act when you're a horny 17 year old living with your mama.

Get rid of the Internet, give the computer to good will and take a vacation. He needs to figure out what he wants our of married life. You need to figure out that a real man does not treat his wife with this level of disrespect.

Answer 9

The person that you should talk to is your husband, find out what his problem is, and why is it necessary for him to seek companionship on the net. Ask him if he thinks that the two of you need to go for consoling? And if this time he wants to play it off like a joke, do not accept it, say you have a problem, and it needs to be address. Ask him how he would feel if you did it. Tell him it hurts you to know that he is degrading himself like that, and it needs to stop! I hope that you can get this issue resolved!

Answer 10

Cancel your internet subscription.
Sit down and have a long talk with him about how this is coming in between your relationship and how you would rather not have internet in your house if its causing problems.
Tell him how what he does hurts you and how you are even thinking of maybe ending things if something doesnt change.
Cancel the internet, and spend that time getting to know each other again, going on dates and having candle lit dinners.

Answer 11

You're right that he doesn't have to tell you everything, maybe he should be telling it to a marriage counselor instead. You need to blow this wide open. Confront him and tell him how you feel about this- how much it hurts you. No married man should be "fooling around" on his wife, and that's just what this is! Insist on going for counseling. If he refuses, go yourself. A counselor will help you deal with your emotions, and help you discover where you want to go from here. This guy doesn't deserve a marriage license- he's acting like a kid!