What can't my heart let go?

Question

It's been a while now, since the one I loved just suddenly decided to end it. But why is it my heart won't let go? We were best friends (she said that, I felt it) and we were in love. We had a life ahead of us, and for it to just hit an abrupt end, I feel cheated in that a life has been taken from me.

What's also hard, is seeing her carrying on as if nothing happened, and everything is ok, not really realising I'm hurting inside and it showing on the outside. I'm so hollow and lost. Nothing rhymes at the best of times, but I find myself soldiering on. In fairness, it's not like her to show her emotions, when it comes to the poignant side of things, only for her to carry on with her happy go-lucky-ways. It is to this end, I still don't know what it is she feels or thinks.

I wish the pain would go away, only it doesn't. Strange isn't it? Well, enjoy your weekends everyone - I do apologise for lowering the tone, but I'm still a little lost. Take care though, God bless.

Answer 1

Everybody has their own ways to deal with bad and good stuff, don't blame her for getting on with her life.
Your heart can't let go because you need more time to recover from the split.
All the best!

Answer 2

My wife and I split up for about 4 months a couple years ago. She stayed with a friend, I stayed at the house. She woke up, went to work, and according to the bank statements she went out to dinners and to stores. As if nothing at all was wrong. I on the other hand could barely make it out of bed, go to business meetings, and function. I lost about 20lbs from smoking a pack of cigarettes a day and not eating, and because it was summer time I usually jumped in the pool instead of taking a shower. Just when I had accepted the fact that my marriage was probably over, she came home.

Bottom line my friend is that you never get over having your heart ripped out. Take the pain, deal with the pain, and put it away. If your ex appears on the outside to be functioning normally, then good for her. But just know that every time she sees ANYTHING that reminds her of you, she hurts just as badly. Your favorite song, your favorite TV show, the last time you went to a certain restaurant, etc etc etc. She feels it too. Guys for whatever reason just have a harder time unplugging from things before they're ready. When women decide they're all done, then that's it! They're all done!

One last piece of advice.........no matter how badly you want to call her, email her, see her, talk to her, etc etc DON'T! It's the absolute worste thing you can do. All you will do is come off as being pathetic, needy, and desperate. It won't be the same YOU that she misses and still loves deep down. Don't ruin the memory she has of you by being a big p-u-s-s-y. TRUST ME! Smile when you see her, be polite, and do your best to pretend that everything is smurfy. But whatever you do, don't think that now is suddenly the time to show her how vulnerable and hurt you are. It wasn't until I stopped calling my wife, emailing her, leaving her notes, leaving pictures out on the counter, and gave her the time she needed to think long and hard without me constantly bothering her that she finally came around. I don't know the details between you and your ex, but maybe if you give her a few weeks or a couple of months she'll come around too.

Answer 3

no it doesn't just go away, its like a process we must go through, there is no time on it, depends how sensitive we are, we will never know how they really feel, is it they hide it and they are unhappy too, or is it that they really have no feelings for us even after all that time. the pain does not go away easily, especially if we must see that person on a daily basis, best to put some time and distance between u and her. yes u thought u and her had everything going for u, but did u really know her? yes u were cheated, it's really a death of someone we loved, and wanted to be with, but she did not feel the same, for whatever reason she chose a different road, and if u fail to accept it, and continue hurting like this, and fail to get some help u run the risk of becoming emotionally ill over it. good and bad happens to all of us, and it's how we respond to it, that can either push us past it, or keep us there in the pain. she can go about her happy ways because she is not hurt over this, if she were u would see a different reaction out of her. we have to accept the bad in our lives, as it does happen to us as well as the good. what may help u is some spiritual therapy. unfortunatly there is no easy way to get the hurt to leave u, it is a process we go through, a grief process, and eventually we accept it, we do move on, but the pain? sometimes even after years have passed we can still remember it, and still we think about it, but not as often, and the pain is less severe. good luck

Answer 4

sounds like you were blindsided but I doubt it.Something was happening to the relationship all along but somehow you decided to miss what it was.Best friends?don't think so.best friends tell each other what's going on,you act like you weren't present during this relationship if you say suddenly she ended things.I realize that the death of a dream is sad ,but what you were building was being built on sand and this is the outcome,crash.Just know that what's not meant to be shouldn't be.You wanted something that wasn't good for you so at least be glad it's over,the dream is over and you must see clearly all that went on in this relationship so you learn and your new journey and relationship will benefit from what happened here and now.It's not a loss,it's an opportunity to have a better love than the last.Enjoy the new journey and try not to repeat the same things that you did before,do some things different,doing different brings different results and that's what we want something new and different.Good luck.

Answer 5

We've all been there and the healing process is a personal journey that you have to make on your own. You know that you have the support of friends and family, and sometimes that isn't enough, but you'll get through this.
I'm sure she's hurting too, and I'm sure she feels remorse and guilt when she runs into you. She probably didn't want to hurt you, but maybe she wasn't happily in love and knew in her heart she needed to end it.
A little piece of her will always be carried in your heart, and even when you are laying close to the love of your life, your memories will always wander back to her and what life would have been like.
It hurts, but with time it all becomes a little easier.

Answer 6

I am sorry for the pain you are experiencing. Instead of looking at her and thinking she is so happy, realize that she is using a different coping mechanism than you. To put on a happy face and carry on is a good way to heal also. It is non productive to just sit and mope and feel sorry for yourself. Yes, you are hurting, it is a fact, but the greater fact is that it doesn't help you move forward to a better place. Take some time to greive each day but dont wallow in sadness, get busy living too. Remember that saying Fake it till you make it. It works. You will find a greater love than the one you lost. : ) Take Care

Answer 7

Anyone going thru what you are going thru will tell you that it takes awhile to recover. You are not alone as you can see in most of your answers. I have been dealing with my sadness now 7 months and the only thing I can say that even though I still hurt I know I am better than I was when it first happened. I think of him every day that is no different than when he first left. It is just a different level of sadness. At first I didn't think I could get thru it. It was like I was walking in a fog for period of time. Now even though I think of him, I now go thru each day like I am supposed to. You have to go thru this in order to get to the other side. I mean deal with it every day and tell yourself that you too will get over this. Appreciate all the baby steps you take in recovering from this. They may seem small but I promise you when you look back from when she first left you will be able to see that you are getting better.

I wish you the best of luck and I know it helped me to know that I am not alone in my sadness and that everyone has gone thru this and makes it.
God bless you too

Answer 8

oh i really feel for you. this happened to me too, its hard to understand when it ends so suddenly and you were thinking every thing was ok. i try not to see my ex around cause it would break my heart. i try to keep anyway from the places i know he will be because i have to try and move on but its sooooooo hard. i don't think trying to find someone else really helps it just makes it harder because when it doesn't work you want them back more. i just try to keep busy, spend time with friends and family. but try and remember its them that have lost out and if someone can treat you like that did they really love you anyway ?? i wish you lots of luck because its a horrid time but it does get easier.

Answer 9

Because you've allowed yourself to think that the love you felt was from her or because of her. The truth is that you have an amazing love within you that you were able to share with her. Now that she is gone, that love is still there but you are ignoring it and putting her love above your own. You need to put your thoughts back in the right perspective and you'll find yourself moving on happily with your life and finding new people and new ways of expressing love and receiving it.

Answer 10

We often look back at the great things we have lost and our souls are empty and meaningless. Turn to look at the future because the more you walk with the future, the further the past will lie behind.

To ease your ache, begin to bring new things into your life that will grow and blossom and bring you to happiness.

The more you yearn for things to be as they were, the less likely you will be able to progress.

Let the past go free to where it belongs, then you too, will be free.

Best wishes.

Answer 11

a broken heart sucks,i,ve been there too bro.there,s really not much one can do except accept the lost and try to move one.at first the pain is so bad it depresses you,you don,t see things clear but something better comes along and it becomes much less painfull.meanwhile try to get out meet others,do activities with family/friends,i think you be ok in the long run,good luck.