Should help my parents?

Question

My parents have always liked my sister much more than me. During all my childhood and teen years I felt like trash to them. Now I'm 25, I'm an engineer and hardly talk to them. I like my sister, she's 23 now, and we've alwys got along, though my parents didn't like me. Even in my teen years I didn't get in any serious trouble and was a very good student, but anyway I felt like trash. I think it's because I'm a male. I got extremel resentful and will never ge over this.
Now my parents had a problem and asked for my help. My sister can't help them. So, now they want my help despite everything. I haven't decided yet, but I think I won't help them, I'm not stupid. They simply don't deserve my help. It's kinda easy to say, "Oh, but they are your parents, after all they took care of you, yu only have 1 set of parents, etc", bu so what? I have my feelings and they were kinda aunfair to me, there's no such thing of uncondional love

Answer 1

I know all of this is easier said than done and trust me, I know how your feeling. I've been the black sheep of my family all my life. Think about it this way. If you help your parents now, Then that makes you the bigger, better person. Also, if you help them, down the road when they hurt your feelings again, which you know they probably will, you'll have something to throw back in their ungrateful little faces. The decision is yours, but that is my opinion.

Answer 2

Ask yourself how did you become an engineer? Did they pay for your training? If I don't help will they be homeless or anything like that and also you say that your close with your sister? don't you think she will be upset that you wouldn't help when you could? Last but not least there maybe no unconditional love but there is Karma(what goes around, comes around) as your parents are obviously finding out now. Two bad things don't make it right, just because they were shitty towards you growing up, be the bigger person just this once and from there the ball is in their court. If they still treat you like **** then you can say I helped them I did my part, that's it I'm done.

Answer 3

You are right that there is no such thing as unconditional love,even an animal will fight back if consistently hurt.I have always said to some of the children I have helped raised about their resentment towards their parents for some lack of love given or shown them,that if you have enough sense to see that you were mistreated,then you have enough sense to know that it is wrong.You should not want to behave in any way like you were treated and you should live your life every day in complete opposition to your perceived outcome.OK so they weren't good to you,do you want to be like them?Are you gonna let their treatment of you destroy who you want to be inside to prove to them they hurt you?What will you gain by doing unto them as they were unto you?Going through all you did should help you be a very good parent one day and going through all you have ought to make you a more understanding person for you know what it feels like to feel rejection.Jesus was here to show us how to be among them and not be as them.Help your parents in any way you can that won't put you in harms way,that's the healing way and soon all the resentment you feel inside won't hurt so much.Being good to them isn't your way of saying their treatment of you was OK,it just says that apples may not fall from trees,but some time one good apple is worth the whole barrel.Blessings to you.I do hope you find peace and understanding.

Answer 4

Gil, you don't say what kind of help your parents need. Maybe they seemed to be tougher on you because you were male. Now don't laugh, there was a myth out there that male children were to be brought up to learn not to cry, not to show emotion such as anger or disatisfaction, many of my generation (1950's), brought up their children around this theory.

I bet your parents would be surprised to hear the way you feel did you ever discuss it with them, while you felt it was happening? Or is it still happening? I'll admit there are deadbeat parents who exploits their children but they are the minority thank God.

You see one day you will be passing down morals and values to your offspring.

Answer 5

Okay, I don't want to be all GODY and say there is unconditional love......and so on
I guess since your sister is younger that your parents felt that she needed attenetion....so that might be the reason for them to "treat you like trash" as you say..
Now i have been in a situation like this...
i helped out even though i didnt want to becasue as a human being,
that is what is good
i ***** about every little thing and hate veryone
but i still do the good things casue i noe its the right thing to do
even tho i dont feel that happy doing it
i do it for no reason
hope i helped

Answer 6

If you feel that way, do what your heart tells you to do. I've been where you are and know what you mean. I wouldn't help my parent's either. To this day, they still don't support me in the things I do. So, when they need my help someday, I won't be there.
So, don't bother. Yeah, they're your parents. But they could have treated you a lot better. And they should have thought about that a long time ago before they asked for your help?! "Gee, we better treat him like a parent should treat a son because we might need his help someday. And not because we'll need his help, but because that's what you're suppose to do." Right?
Do what you think you should do. I wouldn't help them. Maybe I'm mean. But I know where you're coming from. I'm almost 30 and my parents still don't believe in me.
Good luck in your decision.

Answer 7

I have also had a bad experience with one of my parents. My parents divorced when I was 2 and then my dad remarried. My mother never really talked to me or my older brother at first. Then she would call and talk only to my brother. As I got older I realized that this was wrong and how bad it hurt me that she didn't want to talk to me. I finally told her how I felt and said she didn't realize she was excluding me. So she would talk to me when she called and every once in awhile she would visit. Now I am 20 and she will call me some times. I still feel left out of her life and have a lot of built up resentment towards her. But then I think if I don't try to keep what little relationship we have alive then who will. After all she is my mother. As much as I hate her sometimes I dont want to ruin the fragile realtionship that we do have.
My advice to you is to help your parents if you can. Maybe they didn't realize they were excluding you. If they did did you ever talk to them about it. Who knows if years from now you have kids and they want to know why the don't get to see grandma and grandpa. Is it because you didn't get along with your parents? Think of the example you have givien them.
I still say help them if you can keep what relationship you do have with them alive. It may help you out in the end.

Answer 8

Sit your parents down and tell them straight up why you feel the way you do. Honesty is the best policy. They might not realize the hurt and resentment you have been carrying around for years. Whether you actually help them or not is up to you. Share your feelings. They are the only parents you will ever have. Don't leave anything to chance and regret your decison someday. You will feel better after talking to them. THEN make your decision.

Answer 9

I had the same issue in my family.
On good conscience you can help them out. You may resent a lot of things in the past, but you may also resent more if you don't do anything.
Maybe your parents were more "attached" to your sister because they already knew you had your act together and that you didn't need that kind of parenting. And maybe it's something you need to speak with them about, get things off your chest so you can move forward.

Answer 10

Sounds reasonable to me. You are right, there is no such thing as unconditional love. Just keep in mind they may resent you even more if you don't help them now.

At the end of the day only you can decide whether to help them or not. It also depends on what exactly this help involves, as you didn't really specify.