How do you weigh life against those that are already living?

Question

I am about 7 weeks pregnant and am in a bit of a complicated situation. I have already terminated pregnancy years ago when I was 17 due to 'inconvenience' and it was the hardest thing I have ever done - I don't think I can do it again. Keeping this child would involve hurting people that I care very much about, I made some huge mistakes and am now living the consequences of those actions, but I would tear apart my family and it would have negative impacts on everyone involved. I feel that I should be taking responsibility for what happened - it would mean giving up my goals (getting my degree etc.) at least for the short term, but I can't think of a viable way to financially raise my child with no support. Government support just doesn't cut it. I'm a mess and I can't figure out the "right decision" and if this new baby is more important than the innocents that I would hurt if this came out. Am I being selfish if I terminate or am I doing the best thing for all involved?

Answer 1

Selfish! Knowing that you have already terminated 1 pregnancy because of inconvenience you should have been more careful to prevent getting pregnant. You should have been more responsible and I think this baby is a living thing and yes your going to hurt people, but your an adult and you need to be able to handle the consequences of your actions. You made your bed now lie in it. That baby is just as important.

Answer 2

PLEASE, PLEASE PLEASE DON'T ABORT YOUR BABY! Even if you cannot raise or support this child, there are lots of people out there who would LOVE to adopt your baby! There is a reason that you felt awful after "terminating" the last pregnancy you had--because it is not about convenience or personal choices, or anything like that, but rather about a living being! You say you are about seven weeks along--well, the baby already has a beating heart. Even if having this baby "hurts" some people in your life, NOT having the baby would be the ultimate hurt--killing a child who depends soley on YOU for its life! Talk about the ultimate anti-feminine thing to do--terminating a pregnancy is completely anti-mother, anti-feminine. It's disowning that which makes you utterly and completely different and unique from the men of the world.
There are lots of crisis pregnancy clinics all over the US. Look in the phone book and then go talk to them. They can talk this over with you and even help you with finances, etc. if you decide to raise the baby yourself or help you with the adoption process.
It's very important that you are feeling the weight of this matter, and realizing how badly you felt the last time. Please know that if you make the same "choice", that will only compound your guilt and "hardest thing you've ever done" feelings. It won't make anything better. It's true when people say that two wrongs don't make a right! Those who will tell you that "it's your choice" and "it's your body, you have to choose what's right for your life" and just reciting some pithy little truisms, but they fail to mention the life-long scars of guilt and sadness that abortion leaves.
You ask if you are being "selfish" if you terminate--well, you probably already know the answer to this one. The "best thing for all involved" never involves killing someone! That little baby inside of you is completely and utterly dependent on YOU for its life!
Good luck--I hope you make the right decision!

Answer 3

Well, you haven't concidered adoption in your statement. Also.. having a child is not the end of your life. You can get a degree, you can work full time, you can have a social life.

If your family would be so upset about you getting pregnant that it would tear everyone apart then it sounds like your family doesn't have a strong relationship to begin with. My sister got pregnant and kept the child at 14 (delivered at 15). THAT was hard on my family.. however it's now 10 years later and everyone is happy and healthy.

I think you just need a fresh perspective on what having a child is like. Is there a father that can be involved?

Answer 4

Terminating a pregnancy because of financial reasons (and this being your first) is extremely selfish. There is no "perfect" time to have a baby. Two abortions also means increased risk you'll never get pregnant again, be lucky you managed this time around. So you might have to put your degree on hold...boo hoo. A degree doesn't guarentee you'll find a job after anyway! My husband has a degree in biology, his HBsc and today is a licenced electrician! Think about it. You'll kill a baby for some status and you're not guarenteed to suceed anyway. Lots of people make a great go of life and don't have any fancy paperwork to show for it. Its all about how ambitious you are. Really think about what you're doing here.

Answer 5

Well to answer your question abortion is seflish period!!! Seek adoption if your not ready. I don't understand why more people don't. But in a way I do because they think abortion is just a quick fix. That baby didn't ask to come into this world. You made your bed now lie in it! You shouldn't be caring about everyone else you should care about that baby. A baby shouldn't tear a family apart families learn to get through the worst things and yet become stronger. This isn't going to ruin everybody's life forever even though I don't know the circumstances. Time is everything!

Answer 6

I personally don't think that abortion is ever a good option. There are SO many families out there that want a child so bad, and would give anything to have what you've got. If you can't find a way to work the baby into your life, than give it up to someone that could. Give it a better life than you could offer it, but please don't kill it. As far as your family goes, I don't know your whole situation. But if they will really be that against the pregnancy, don't even tell them until you have to. This is your choice, not theirs, and I hope that you choose the right thing

Answer 7

I got pregnant with my first baby under some awkward circumstances. As a result, I had to tell my parents and friends and family about things I wasn't proud of... I couldn't hide the fact that I was pregnant. It has been the most liberating thing I've ever done. Everyone (though they may have been disappointed) forgave me, and accepted me, my baby, and his daddy. Now there's no secrets... I know we're loved... and life goes on. You'll find a way to take care of this baby. Please don't kill it... it deserves to live and be loved. You'll thank yourself someday.... soon, maybe.

Answer 8

I have said all my life,if a girl gets pregnant she needs to except that responsibility!Don't kill an innocent baby,who never asked to be here in the first place!Part of the responsibility is having that baby & if you dont want it or cant support it finacially,than put it up for adoption!Thats taking responsibility!At least your doing what you were susposed to do.You made it,now you have to deliver it,it's your job.Please dont kill an innocent baby,there are lots of people in this wourld that would love to adopt a new born!

Answer 9

A life is a life even inside . That baby inside of you is very special. You CAN meet your goals and have a baby ( I have) I had my first 2 children when I was 15 and 17 . If you dicied you do not want to raise a child please let someone that dose have the oportunity. I know many good families that would love to have your baby. I would have your baby. Please give your child a chance at life and let him/her live

Answer 10

Without knowing the exact situation it is hard to give advice but it sounds to me like adoption would be your best option. You could even see about doing an open adoption so that you can still see your child and let them know that you loved them but you wanted him/her to have a better life than what you could have given them at the time of their birth. Good luck!