I just want to know if I will go to hell if I divorce and maybe someday remarry. My husband has a horrible temper he ignores the factor that I am severly depressed. I just don't want to burn in hell for being happy! The other man makes me so so happy! My mom says divorce is not an option! But, my husband got arressted the other day for slamming me into a wall and my mom wants me to tell the police that nothing happened!
2007-01-27 02:10:00 · 29 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I also have a 17 month old son to care for. I don't intend to go with the other guy right away.
2007-01-27 02:21:51 · update #1
No matter what your mother or the Catholics say, you will not burn in hell for divorcing your husband and possibly someday remarrying someone else. You are a grown woman who can make her own decisions without parental interference. If the new man in your life is a good man and is makes you happy, go for it. Also, if your current husband is slamming you against walls, it should give you some indication as to what kind of person he is. No matter how angry he is at the situation, he needs to get a grasp on his anger.
I realize this is easy for me to say but, if I were in your shoes I would not recant your statement to the police. If you let him off the hook on this incidence, who is to say that it will not happen again with the possibility of escalating. I do not know your situation, but more than likely if he considered your needs and acted upon them before things got to the point of no return, maybe you wouldn't be leaving him. Ponder that for a bit.
Also, I would be cautious about openly dating while you are separated and in the midst of a divorce, especially since there is a child involved. I hear custody battles can get nasty.
2007-01-27 04:13:54 · answer #1 · answered by J T 3 · 4⤊ 0⤋
Wow, for the first time I am actually more angry with the abused wife than the abuser! When you were all living under the same roof, I can understand you got brainwashed and scared, but he left you and moved in with a woman. You get your independence back, self supportive, feeling great, fall in love with a great guy and all's it took was your husband telling you he was moving back AND YOU LET HIM!! You were out! You were out! You had the home, the kids, the job and you LET HIM COME BACK! Then you were put in the hospital and now he's this and now you're sick of him. COME ONNNNNN SISTER!! You are a mom and are responsible for protecting those kids and that means keeping girl beater away for good, but you couldn't put them first, huh? They probably were terrified watching him bully his way back in knowing full well what Mommy was going to have done to her! Sick! What advice do you want? Seriously, what advice could anyone out here in cyber space give you that you don't already know? You had several months with your new bf didn't the two of you talk about your past and the abuse? Most men would offer to stand by you and never allow you to be hurt like that again. I would think you were planning a future together, you can kiss that goodbye. That man probably has lost such respect for you to ALLOW him back into your home, your bed and around your children. Well, you feel sorry for him...that's beautiful. Then don't cry when CSD takes your kids as they have witnessed abuse and that's considered child abuse. You better make him very, very happy if you don't want to end up in the hospital for the fourth time, or the morgue. GET HELP!
2016-03-29 04:57:50 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your mom has a warped look on reality! Ask your mother if she'd prefer to see you dead or alive. File the police report.
YOU don't need nor deserve to be in an abusive relationship. No one does. And DO NOT let some religious belief keep you in an abusive relationship.
Falling for the other guy? Maybe he looks like the knight in shining Armour because he's not the one hitting you. And that's a normal response.
This is your life and you have the right to live it without fear, broken bones, or emotional trauma.
Go stay with a girlfriend or other relative. Go to a women's shelter if you need to. But what ever you do, DO NOT TELL YOUR MOTHER WHERE YOU ARE! She'll probably tell your husband and I'm sure you'll be paying the price.
2007-01-27 02:21:37 · answer #3 · answered by Ella 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I say "think". If you decide to leave, you need to have a plan. I'd press those charges because you'll have a clear cut case when it comes to the divorce. Your mother is not in this marriage and it is not her life to decide. Don't let her decide your happiness. She'll have to learn to like it. If she loves you, she wouldn't want you in a marriage like this!
Go to a lawyer. Plan this out. Then when you have some money asside in your own account. Take your baby (never ever leave him), and leave. Don't stay with your mother. Get a place and a job set up and a caregiver. You need to really get it planned out to live. As for the other guy, don't put him in this picture yet. It will only make things worse. He should support you emotionally and not financially. If your husband finds out you are cheating, you may lose anything. Also, you are entitled to half of whatever he has (house, bank acct cash, etc) regardless if it is only in his name. If you had it during the marriage it is half yours. Get a good lawyer. Good luck. P.S. You will not do to hell for getting a divorce. The good Lord doesn't like seeing good people suffer.
2007-01-27 02:33:35 · answer #4 · answered by noitall 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No, you will not go to hell for divorce!
Get yourself a good lawyer, and maybe a restraining order against your husband -- he can't be allowed to harm you! Maybe you can make some kind of arrangement (it may take some time) to move into a friend's house (don't tell your mom), so that you can be safe, and think things over--about what is right for YOU.
You deserve to be happy, and you deserve to have a healthy, loving relationship. You didn't mention if children are involved; that would complicate the situation, but they, too deserve better!
Please seek professional help!
2007-01-27 02:18:44 · answer #5 · answered by Joya 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Life is too short to have to suffer through it. If the marriage has broken down and beyond repair, I suggest to file for divorce. Don't feel you are making someone unhappy in your family that tells you not to. It is your life and why spend the rest of it in an unhappy, unrepairable situation. If you haven't known your new man for enough time, are you sure you are in love with him? You should give yourself time to really make sure if you are, or is it the body chemistry that may be talking. It can make a difference. I would get the divorce, live common-law with your new friend for a year and see how the two of you get along. Good Luck
2007-01-27 02:21:16 · answer #6 · answered by Yafooey! 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
READ
The Bible gives only two reasons in which divorce is permitted: the first is in the case of abandonment of a Christian by an unbelieving spouse (1 Corinthians 7:15), and the second is if one partner is involved in a lifestyle of infidelity (Matthew 5:32). Although God allows it in these circumstances, He has never been an endorser of divorce. It should be assumed that two Bible-believing Christians will not mutually agree to divorce, but should practice the forgiveness and love that God freely gives us. “'For I hate divorce!' says the Lord, the God of Israel...” (Malachi 2:16).
The Bible is silent on the issue of marital abuse as a reason for divorce, although it is obvious that God despises the mistreatment of wives by their husbands (Colossians 3:19, 1 Peter 3:7, Ephesians 5:25-33). Abuse should not be tolerated by anyone. No one should have to live in an abusive environment, whether it be from a family member, friend, employer, caregiver, or stranger. Physical abuse is against the law, and the authorities should be the first ones contacted if this occurs.
The best way to prevent ending up feeling trapped in an abusive marriage is to get to know a potential spouse before making the commitment to marry. The signs of being an abuser are manifested in one's personality. These “red flags” are always there, but are often overlooked or even ignored when attraction and infatuation take over. These signs can include: irrational jealousy, the need to be in control, a quick temper, attempts to isolate the other person from his or her friends and family, drug or alcohol abuse, and disrespect for their partner's boundaries, privacy, personal space, or moral values.
A wife (or husband) who is being abused should get herself, and any children, out of the situation immediately and find a new temporary home. I can find nothing in the Bible to indicate that separation (not divorce) in this instance would be wrong. Although friends and family will likely tell the woman (or man) to immediately file for divorce, God places a much higher value on marriage than the world does.
Once separated, the husband (if he is the abuser) has the responsibility to reach out for help. First and foremost, he should seek God. “For everyone who asks, receives. Everyone who seeks, finds. And the door is opened to everyone who knocks” (Matthew 7:8). No one has more power to heal individuals and relationships than God. He must be the Lord of our lives, the Master of our assets, and the Head of our households.
Both husband and wife must commit themselves to God and then develop a relationship with Him through His Son, Jesus Christ. “And this is the way to have eternal life – to know you, the only true God, and Jesus Christ, the one you sent to earth” (John 17:3). This should be accompanied by intensive Christian counseling – first individually, then as a couple, and even for the entire family if necessary.
During this time, the wife should let her husband know of her unconditional love and support, and devote herself to much prayer. Although the effort must be made on the part of her husband to make the changes, she should not give up hope if he is at first resistant. However, if he never even takes the first step, she should not consider returning to him until he does.
The abused spouse should not return home until a trained Christian counselor decides that the family will be safe in the same home as the former abuser. Together, the couple should then commit to serving and obeying God. They should spend individual time with God daily, attend a Bible-believing church, begin serving God through a ministry, and get involved in small Bible study groups that fit their needs. “What this means is that those who become Christians become new persons. They are not the same anymore, for the old life is gone. A new life has begun” (2 Corinthians 5:17)!
2007-01-27 02:54:05 · answer #7 · answered by AlienJack J 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Wow. I would keep my private business away from my Mother from this moment on. Did she tell you that CHEATING on your husband WAS an option? You SHOULD HAVE ALREADY LEFT THIS ABUSIVE MARRIAGE. However, you are already CHEATING in the eyes of the Lord with this other man. However, your husband has broken his biblical marriage vows to you, and although you should seek the advice of someone licensed to give advice, I would advise you to at the very least divorce this abusive man. However, I may caution that the grass is not always greener on the other side and will remind you that some men QUICKLY, and I mean QUICKLY lose interest once you are "free" to be with them.
2007-01-27 02:18:00 · answer #8 · answered by BartenderWJT 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First of all your moms advice is not good advice. You should never stay in an abusive relationship. If your mom feels divorce is not an option, then would your death be a better one for her? Leaving your baby without a mother? I know she loves you and wants the best for you, but her ideas are all mixed up about mrriage, and the after life. It sounds like she has a lot of fear in her. Please do not stay with this abusive man. And NO you will not go to hell for leaving and finding happiness. God, or who ever you call him wants his children to be happy and to live their lives being true to themselves. He wants you to love yourself and take care of yourself because in doing so you are loving him. This is your life, not your mothers. Choose happiness, not abuse or possible death. God has a better plan for your life.
2007-01-27 02:28:18 · answer #9 · answered by sweetpea 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I say you need to divorce the jerk. ASAP.
Don't focus on the new guy. Take it easy. You need to be "single" for a while.
As for hell, I find it hard to believe God would expect you to hang around and take beatings from an abusive man.
Him being convicted of felony assault gets you a fast-track divorce in most locales. Do it.
2007-01-27 02:15:52 · answer #10 · answered by fucose_man 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋