A strange rustling sound could be heard. Mary, being a light sleeper, was aroused from her sleep immediately. "what was that?" she said semi-consciously. Rubbing her eyes, she got up and saw her friend, Jane, still sleeping soundly in her sleeping bag. I shook her lightly,"wake up Jane, i said. But she was not even once spurred. "wake up, Jane..." before i could finish my sentence, the same rustling sound interrupted me. There was it again! The strange rustling sound! “ Jane! Wake up!” i shook her again with a greater force. Jane mumbled something unclear to me before she went back to sleep again. Sighing, I decided to explore the source of the strange rustling sound myself.
I got out of the tent quietly, and there was no one in sight. All my other friends were still sleeping with the sound of faint snoring heard in the background. I took every step quietly, not wanting to wake them up. Following my instinct and where I thought I heard the sound from, I walked towards the woods. I hoped I was going in the correct direction, when i suddenly slipped. "Oomph!" I landed with a thud. “Ouch...” i moaned in pain. As i was trying to get up, I felt that the ground was wet and it was unusual as it was a dry day. In the dark, i tried to look at what was on my hands. It was hard at first, but with the pale streaks of moonlight coming down, I could see that it was deep and dark in colour. What was it? My guess was that it was: blood. “Blood! Yikes!” I bit back a scream. I ran to the nearest tree and wiped my hand furiously against the tree trunk, trying to get the blood streaks off. Beads of perspiration ran down against my cheeks.
2007-01-27 01:53:27 · 4 answers · asked by monochrome 4 in Education & Reference ➔ Homework Help
You have the beginnings of a good story, but you have a few problems that you should clear up. The first, is you started the story in the role of narrator and in the second, you took on the role of the first.
secondly, you try to wake Jane up and later you state... I took every step quietly, not wanting to wake them up.
thirdly, you should probably straighten out the conflict in sentence where you wrote: "As I was trying to get up, I felt that the ground was wet and it was unusual as IT WAS A DRY DAY> this does not fit with the night time theme of your story.
You could also clarify your thought: What was it? perhaps with a line such as this. "What was it? My guess was; that it was blood. Biting back my scream, I ran to the nearest tree, wiping my hand furiously against the trunk. Beads of perspiration dotted my forehead." (We already know its blood, therefore we just need to know what action you take and perspiratioin generally does not run down your cheek.)
I hope this helps a little.
2007-01-27 02:16:03 · answer #1 · answered by sgt_cook 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I can't help you finish this story however, I did notice that you switched from third person to first person.
Let me explain, first you made the main character "Mary", then you switched it to "I"
Its better to write in one or the other.
So either you are the light sleeper or change all the "I"s to Marys.
Hope that helps.
2007-01-27 10:00:03 · answer #2 · answered by noodles 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
And then Mary awoke,it was all a dream.so she was just about to wake Jane and tell her of this scary dream,Then she heard a rustling noise........to be continued
2007-01-27 10:05:30 · answer #3 · answered by liam h 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
(continue) I dashed back to the others sleeping soundly in thier bags and jolted them awake with my screams of terror,"Wake up!"
2007-01-27 12:13:46 · answer #4 · answered by robyn 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋