The baby's father refuses to pay (which I don't care much about) but as far as visitation comes in. I don't want to see him again, I suggested a mediation centre, where he could not bully and manipulate me and we would have a sensible arrangement with the view to perhaps picking up the baby when it is older. He is adamant that he will not do that, I think he want to lord it up in my new house and be critical over parenting skills. I am being unreasonable ? He refuses to tell me where he now lives (because of csa) so there is no point suggesting his house, however with a new born, would you really want a inexperienced man to be left alone with a baby or in a centre with help?
2007-01-27 00:20:13 · 18 answers · asked by oceanwaves 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
No he's not on dole, earns plenty but prefer to spend money on himself and flash watches and cars.
The money is not the issue though, the child will not go without, it is access.
2007-01-27 02:42:08 · update #1
Id say no you were'nt being unreasonable.
Don't let him see the child until he gets a grip and stops being sooooo petty.
If you don't know where he lives then think of the risks that may be involved if he decides to kidnap your child (this DOES happen!)
Also, it's YOUR house and no one should be allowed to come in and tell you what to do in it.
If he threatens with court then tell him thats all well and good but does he really think a court will hand over a baby to someone who is clearly more as immature as the baby itself?
2007-01-27 00:34:18 · answer #1 · answered by Rainbow-Taster 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If he wants access but doesn't want to take responsibility for his child financially, then I think you have every right to call the shots!
It sounds as though he is trying to bully you and I would advise you to see a solicitor who specialises in family law to get legal advice. If you go by the letter of the law, he may complain but you know that you have done the right thing.
If he wont give you his address then I think he must be prepared to forfeit some of his parental rights too.
I would suggest a mediation or visiting centre. This will ensure that his access is closely monitored. This will keep your baby safe and means that you don't have to have contact with him.
If he has been abusive, threatening or you have genuine concerns for the welfare of your baby, raise this with a solicitor.
You may be able to access legal aid (in the UK) if you are on a low income.
I'm really sorry that you are having to deal with such an idiot. Good luck!
2007-01-27 08:34:11 · answer #2 · answered by Rats 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You sound like your in a real dilemma. First and foremost your right with the safety of the child being the first concern. You definitely need supper vised visitation. At this time, I would seek professional advice. Your baby is entitled to any and all financial support due to them. If you don't need the money now for the babies development-you will definitely need it when your child goes to college later. Also, your child didn't ask to be here so make every effort you can to provide the best life ever for that baby. Also, it's important that your child not be exposed to bullying and manipulation at such a young age or ever if you can help it. Children learn from behavior that is modeled to them.
Good Luck to you all
2007-01-27 08:43:26 · answer #3 · answered by trasista4 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
if he is not willing to pay you any cash for the child and if he is on dole, tell the dole and they'll make him pay.
if he isnt paying you do know also, that he has no right to see the child until he does pay. he can take you to court and you'll win.
as for him having the child, you will have to be there supervising him with the child until you feel ok with him to be able to look after the child properly.
if he's being so silly not to let you know where hes living, then he's obviously playing games and he shouldnt have any right to have contact.
i'd honestly not let him have contact until he agrees on a reasonable payment for the child. if he refuses then its his loss and if he wants to see the child, let him take it to court. it'll cost him out of his own pocket to take it to court and the judge will decide no doubt he can have contact but has to pay too and a agreement will be made there and then.
if he decided to harass you at your home or bully you then you can call the police and get an injunction on him.
2007-01-27 08:37:14 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Quit letting him call the shots and file for custody in Family Court today! If he is using the child to continue to control you that is wrong and having a custody order in effect will set clear guidelines. If you have safety concerns about the baby being with him that should also be brought up in court. A good attorney is recommended.
2007-01-27 08:26:25 · answer #5 · answered by Shelley 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like you are better off without him.If he really wants to be a father to the child he will go for the centre with help.
2007-01-27 08:27:34 · answer #6 · answered by Poptartash 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
if the father refuses to pay then you can refuse him to see the baby. especially if you don't know where he lives. don't play games with him about the baby. let him know up front that you don't want him to see the child if he gets mad and calls the cops they wont do anything because he wont pay. but you better get that in writing cause if you don't it will bite you in you butt.
2007-01-27 09:04:16 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
i would tell your lawyer to have him have visitation in your house since you got a new borned baby i wouldn't leave your baby along with the dad since he's not used to taking care of a baby talk to a lawyer to see if he can visit your baby at your place and the judge will make him pay child support
2007-01-27 08:45:04 · answer #8 · answered by sweetgranny06 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
if he can't be mature enough about it but still wants visitations tell him you can set it with or without the courts involved (mediation center of course) and if he still is acting stupid about it, maybe you should get a lawyer and have them document each and everytime you have tried to set it up, that way if he takes you to court and denies that you have tried you will have documentation about it already.....document everything so he can't lie on you
2007-01-27 08:26:17 · answer #9 · answered by ? 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Take him to court and get it in writing you need to protect yourself and your baby. Epress your concerns so they will be addressed. File for coustody... I have found that it is important that custody be established...even though you are the mother.
2007-01-27 08:28:48 · answer #10 · answered by Wat Da Hell 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋