i have tried to talk to him but he just seems to shut down. he says he loves me and still does a lot of the old things he used to do to show me that, but i just feel like how i feel doesn't matter to him anymore. what do you suggest?
2007-01-26 22:19:31 · 18 answers · asked by angeldolly 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
He is obviously stressed out. I don't want to be pointing fingers, but are you making love with him with lots of enthusiasm. Maybe your husband is frustrated, but loves you too much to talk about it. You may say that everything is great in bed, but is it? Maybe you should try doing more. Nothing crazy, just wear something pretty and seduce when he comes home from work. Make him happy to come home to you. No matter what a man's problems are, if the wife is waiting for her man like that, he will be a very happy man at home.
2007-01-26 23:37:21 · answer #1 · answered by A dad & a teacher 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
In a situation like this it is easy for someone to tell you what to do and what not to do. Only you can make a final decision about what you want to do in your marriage. If you want to change things then you start little by little building a relationship. If the child is his then he and you need to talk alone and each of you will need to be supportive of each other. The child will need a mother and father. You may even learn to love the child. It is not the child's fault what has happened between the two. This is one issue. Your cheating may be the big issue. Each of you will need to learn to trust again. It is up to you to rebuild the trust in your marriage. Do your part as much as possible. If he does not return your affections or acknowledge your feelings then God would not want anyone to live in a marriage that is going no where's. God does not believe in divorce but when two people are unequally yoked and the other does not want to work in the marriage to make it work then one has to either make a decision to stay or leave. Leaving is the hardest part but staying is hard especially when there is no hope in a relationship. What do you love about this man? Weigh the Pros and Cons and whichever comes out on top then that is your answer. Write all his good points down along with why your want to stay. Then write all the cons down and why your want to leave. Perhaps this will help you decide what you need to do to be happy.
2016-05-24 04:53:02 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
He may be going through something that he doesn't yet feel safe sharing with you. Hang in there & hold off the pressure. He is still reassuring you so it's not like he doesn't give a damn. Be patient & reassess things again in a couple of months or so if things don't change. Get on with your own life & even start something new to help keep your mind busy & away from the stress at home currently. Best of luck.
2007-01-26 22:28:08 · answer #3 · answered by Mishell 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am married and I have faced the same thing. I agree that words hurt us. Do you start off the verbal lashing?
This is what I do -- I don't react. He feels bad later on. He is ridden by guilt. If your husband continues to do so, then have a heart to heart talk.
If he makes you feel that you don't matter to him, weigh your options.
I believe what I see on the Oprah show. The show gives us this advice --- never allow anyone to make you feel small. Go to a counsellor and have a mediator. If nothing works, take a firm decision. It is your life.
2007-01-26 22:30:01 · answer #4 · answered by priya_ray2 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need marital counseling, and FAST. It sounds as though there are several potential problems: an affair, boredom with the relationship, depression or falling out of love. Before you panic, be honest with him. Sit down with him. Holding his hands, look into his eyes and say, "You know, I love you dearly. You mean the world to me, and I cherish this relationship with you. I think we've fallen into a funk in this relationship, and I would like to go to counseling with you, because I want our marriage to be better." Then just listen to what he has to say, no interruptions. If he doesn't want to go, go by yourself. If you can't afford it, there are agencies that charge a sliding scale for counseling; find one and use it. I don't know the dynamics of your marriage, but talk to someone. It may just be a phase, or you two may need a major "marriage tuneup". The counseling will help you to develop some marriage skills you may need, or give you the strength to determine if the marriage is salvagable or needs to end. Good luck and God bless.
2007-01-26 22:28:15 · answer #5 · answered by Judy W 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
It sounds to me like he is cheating. You need to tell him that either he is going to talk about this, or you are leaving. I bet he starts talking. Stand up for yourself. Don't let him say hurtful things to you. My sister went through the same thing. She thought her hubby was sick or something. Turns out he was just fine. He was cheating. If he isn't cheating and he does still love you, then he would be willing to talk about it. Maybe you should just drop it for a week or so and let him chill out just in case it is stress or something. Just pretend nothing is wrong and when he says hurtful things, just say "when you can say something nice, then say it, but otherwise pretend I am not here. I have done nothing wrong".
I bet the truth will come out sooner than later if you stand up for yourself.
2007-01-27 00:03:52 · answer #6 · answered by Spacey 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
There is definitely something going on with him. You need to keep trying to get him to open up about it. Usually when people say hurtful things and back off they're angry about something. It doesn't necessarily have to be anger toward you. You could just be getting the brunt of it because you're the person he's closest to. If it is about you he'll give you a hint about what it is in what he says when he says those hurtful things. Good luck.
2007-01-26 23:48:03 · answer #7 · answered by mjm52 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Offer an ear if he is stressed about something. Sometimes we can take it personal when they are just blowing off steam. Make sure you give a man some breathing space when he gets home from work. We all sometimes just need our own personal space for a bit. Make sure you are looking after yourself whilst he is moody. Take yourself out to the store, library or out for a movie. Be there for him but you don't have to take his crap or be there all the time to hound him for what is wrong. Sometimes if you back off and look after yourself whilst still being supportive, things might just swing around. Good luck!
2007-01-26 22:28:10 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 0⤋
Talk to him and ask him how he feels and tell him honestly how you feel and why... Communicate to him and then become a good listener and LISTEN to what he has to say with an open mind and heart.... If this does not change or help the matter then seek help and counseling for your marriage.
2007-01-26 23:51:57 · answer #9 · answered by Lady Hewitt 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Do you know what things would help you to believe again that he loves you? Find out and talk about it. Please don’t keep telling him that "i just feel like how i feel doesn't matter to him anymore", because he’ll get tired of it. You will probably be right, but really: it won’t be worth the effort.
2007-01-26 22:31:10 · answer #10 · answered by Hansje 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋