Need help w/ my wife; Part 3. some more info?

Question

Cliff notes of my marriage: See other postings to get the most information #1 post “Will My Wife Turn into my mother-in-law?” #2 post “Need some help with my wife” Both posted today 01/25/2007.
My wife has depression. She has continues to lie, steal, deny, be stubborn, difficult, (on things that made no sense) and maybe cheat (not sure on that one) I have two step children, she’s been married twice, my first time. Treat them very good. She moved from the south to the NE where my job is. Within a month noticed my wife undermining the me/ family. So much that my step daughter underwent counseling for depression (cutting, “can only be happy in the south” her mom’s doing, and unsure of her sexual orientation. Spent thousands but, my step daughter was worth it. I was to work & she was to be the home keeper (One of our pre-marriage agreements) did the opposite till I said OK to her working ,now doesn’t want to work(and isn’t) Gave her plenty of cash & a credit card for emergencies. Used that card 15 to 30 times a month for 10 months (till she gave it back/ I said enough, I was very kind and loving) all while I am tending to my terminally sick mom (Talk about blind sided). Went through many more card methods nothing worked (no trust/keeps lying & stealing in other ways to) Found out a was funding my wife’s secret bank account. Within 6 months, Mother-in-law hit me up directly for money (which I gave to her) and later found out she expected monthly handouts because I have a good job.(wife denies all)
Found out I was going to lose my job in a couple months (airline down cycle) she refused to get a full time job cause “I don’t want to do any of those jobs” Said it will be temporary to get us through this tough time. I said let’s keep the kids(hers) in private school and keep the house. Still wouldn’t get a job. Sold my motorcycle, golf club membership and my SUV to lead the cutbacks. She demanded new furniture while I downsized. Luckily I found a job. Said she could have a tubel (sp) reversal (before marriage) not true .See below, felt really doped on that one, I know she knew that). There have been some good times, she is nice looking , can be a sweetheart, sex is good, my family all likes her (but they don’t know any of this). Just this week found out that my wife also has secret PO Box, she got 3 more cards in her name, pays her cards debt w/ my (families) money. I could write about her behavior for hours. I would kindly forgive all this stuff but it keeps on happening. It’s been bottled up for years except for our two councilors. I’m afraid nothing is working. I’d also like my own children

If you meet her you would like her. But she acts different around other people and 80% good around me and the kids. She also has many great qualities (she hide the others pretty good before our marriage) Sex drive is fine, never denies me, good cook, good looking, good mother in many ways, nice personality, doesn’t really drink and is outgoing Her other crazy behavior is overshadowing all her nice qualities. Why do I stay? Maybe a sense of duty, commitment, feeling of responsibility to the kids etc… When do I call it quits? I’m thinking now but I’m trying to seek out others veiws before I act. Also want to shelter her kids.

Here is another big problem she can’t have children. She said she could have reversal but that was a lie (she knew it) so I have to spend 30k on IVF, started the process and before it happened, Doctor said she can’t have a child. I realize that she may have not known that part but why do I pay a Doctor to tell me her tubes were singed not tied when she knew it. Again an example of her lies than deny to the end) Maybe this was my breaking point. Lying about not being able to have kids is a big deal, right? That alone Do I file?

Answer 1

This is a question only you can answer. you love her very much I can see it in your words. But you need to hava long talk with her about this behavior. Maybe she doesnt know she's doing it or doesn't care. Only she has the answer to that question.. But you should take a break from each other and see how things change. What ever you do DO NOT TELL YOUR FAMILY about all your problems. They will hate her and if you guys work it out theres not back back for her

Answer 2

Hmmm...What are you doing?! It seems like you're not sure...on the one hand your wife seems completely awful, selfish, irresponsible and manipulative. Then the first thing you say that is good about her relates to her sex drive and how she "never denies" you. She is smart enough to be able to successfully manipulate you for money and lie all the time, and while those are ugly characteristics under normal circumstances, so is thinking of your wife's best characteristic as her sexual willingness. I'm sure she picks up on what you value... and I think she sees herself as a good looking capable woman who wants to live a nice lifestyle that she does not have to work outside of her home for. What you are missing here, is the fact htat your wife thinks that you have an unspoken agreement where she will let you have her physically whenever you want, and she gets to financially use and/or manipulate you however she wants. You are a lot alike, whether you admit it or not...you both are willing to trade things and give in just enough to get by but never really be happy because you don't bond through any sort of friendship at all, and I bet you never did. That is awful and I'm sorry if iut's true, but you need to realize the situation or you'll never be able to get past it and move on to someone who is a better match for you.

Answer 3

I think you should move on because if you really want to start your own family even after 30K she still may not be able to have kids.,We see it happen all the time.Also if she is a lier she will always be one there just like cheaters and it only gets easier after they get away with the first one and then she has to tell a lie to cover up the first one so on and so on.I do understand your point about the children however you simply can not stay for the kids it will not work.Sounds like you know the best thing for you to do and also sounds like you have given her plenty of chances now it's time to cut your looses.Sorry but that's the sad truth.Good luck I hope you make the right choice for you.Never forget we only live once and we are in charge of our own happiness.

Answer 4

You have a drained battery and either a bad alternator or some connection to the alternator. The clincher is your car runs when hooked up to the booster cables, as soon as the jumper cables come off the car dies, if the alternator was good the car should keep running. If the battery had a charge even with a bad alternator the engine would start and run for a while till the battery was drained.

Answer 5

Your wife has secret bank account and PO box's what is with you if it were my wife she would be on the next bus South and that's no lie I hope you were smart anuff to get a pernup if not her past behavior may be all you need. SEND HER A S S PACKING!!!!!!!!

Answer 6

The only reason why you would stay in this pathetic excuse for a marriage that I can imagine is because it gives you a reason to continue writing these rambling, pointless questions. If you want a life, get out.

Answer 7

If your ready to file and can follow through with the difficult times up ahead. When you say it . do it and mean it, don't waffle, period! Liars and Cheaters are creatures of habit and seldom change their spots, trust that to be true!

Answer 8

Get the hell out of there Man....DIVORCE NOW before its too late for you, she will carry on as she is you wont change her, know the saying " A LEOPARD NEVER CHANGES ITS SPOTS"

Answer 9

Yes, sweetheart. I'm sorry. File.

Answer 10

never be cynical about love; for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment its as perennial as the grass.