What are the best ways to help heal the wound left by a husband who abandoned the family for another girl?

Question

I have asked my husband not to come back anymore. I have had it.He is now living with the other girl i learned. He is a hesitant provider to the kids. Im now dealing with my broken heart and compensating for the emptiness he left my 10 year old son. I just want to heal and move on.

Answer 1

The best way to mend a broken heart is with a new love..

Answer 2

My husband left me too but he did it with a gun to his head. The anger at being abandoned, I think is similar.

Moving on is hard to do when you have been left behind. I found it helpful to stay close to my family and friends and to let them help me when they ask to.

I try not to spend too much time alone, to be with others when ever possible. if I didn't make a conscious effort to do this, I am sure I would brood and continue to mourn long beyond what is healthy.

When I had been alone for a little over a year I decided to start seeing other men in a social setting and it was wonderful to find I was still desireable and sought after and hadn't lost any ease I had had around them.

I moved closer to my sister for comfrort and support. There is nothing like someone who really knows you well to help with the really dark days and someone who you can just drop in on and not even have to talk is something to be cultivated.

My friendships became stronger, more important and helped me to get thru the worst.

I also began to get out into the world again, I took a few classes, met a couple of special men, started to date and things are finally beginning to get a little easier.

Keeping a journal of your feelings and how your days are going is also helpful. It will show you how far you have come on days when you feel like you are standing still.

Hope you get something from the things that I did and that you begin to heal and live your life again. The world is not such a horrble place if you count on others to help you thru this. Good luck, sister. You'll be fine.

Answer 3

I disagree with Common Sense. you need time to heal. You are in a lot of pain right now, and understandably so. Take some time, really work on being close to your kids. you'll be surprised at how, when you think you are holding them up, you'll find that they are holding you up too. The same thing happened to me and my daughter after the divorce.

After some time, then think about moving on to a new relationship. I'm usually not about revenge, but in this case, the best revenge is success. When I remarried, my ex wife went nuts. It was proof that I was truly over her. My wife is a better mother to my daughter than her own mother, and we have another chilid on the way. There is life after divorce. Just take the time to heal yourself first. If you don't survive, nothing else matters.

Answer 4

Girl!!!! Time.... I know that sounds terrible and not really an answer but time heals all wounds. For your son its tough you cannot compensate for what hes missing all you can do is be the best mom you can be and let him know your there. Dont bash his dad he will figure things out for himself and come to his own terms about things you just love him and be there when he needs you to be. It is such a tough thing to have your heart ripped out to begin with but then to have your son its tough. I can truly understand though honestly. My first husband didnt just have another girl he had a drug problem and I had to put an end to all the stealing he would do and the things he would do to get his fix.... with the kids he was great to them he never did anything to them or in front of them and he was always great with them..... But they were too young to knwo the truth, When I made him leave it was the hardest thing I ever had to do but the best for all of us but the kids didnt understand and for a while were mad at me for making him leave. It truly is a hard thing to deal with. It took time to get over the pain I felt and the anger I felt for him not to be able to make a choice for us and stop doing what he was doing.... but time is what it took. I have moved on with my life and remarried and we have been together now for 5 yrs and things are better than they ever have been. For you.... don't ever let any man make you feel unworthy of the love and respect you so much deserve. My motto is I can do bad by myself!! Use that in any situation when it comes to a man and never let anyone treat you in any way less than what you deserve. You hold your head up high cuz you know what.... so many woman settle for something less and you know what your NOT. Whether he left or you threw his sorry but out hes gone and you are doing it! It takes a strong woman to do what you are doing keep your head up high and breathe! Any man thats worth your tears will do his best not to make you cry and the ones that do arent worth your tears..... Time girl time will heal your heart. Dont let this make you bitter and turn your heart because I know right now you are hurt and angry and you have that right but when the time comes dont be afraid to let it go. I will keep you in my prayers I hope this helped.

Answer 5

Time, it takes time. Been there done that. I was married 24 years to the bride of my youth. But she left and refused to come home. It took me two years to even begin to feel normal. Even after 5 years I was not able to have a meaning full long term relationship, but today 7 years later, I am married to a wonderful woman who things I am the greatest since white bread. The ex wife is also re-married. We are "friendly" for our children's sake, and I will always have some love for her. But I have to agree with some of the others, put your life in order and succeed. If you can go back to college if you need a degree. Make your life better. I am always nice and kind to my ex, it my way of saying, I am a good person. SEE

Answer 6

well...my dad kinda abandoned us, but not for another girl. it was more for some alcohol. to be honest, nothing will heal the wound completely. in fact, this wound will create who you will be in years to come, it's going to stay with you forever, and no matter what, at times you're going to want to cry. after ten years, i still cry under circumstances. i'm a 20yr old guy in college. i cry about it still. its horrible...yes...but there's not much you can do. and even if there was something you could do about it, there wouldn't be much of a point. the thing to do is learn from this. don't let it get you down, and believe me, its tough. make your son promise you he isn't going to become like that, and raise him like that. this is one of the toughest things in life, so use it. you know you'll get by. if you can get by this, you can get by anything. its hard as shiit but its not the end of the world. be strong, you have your son, make him strong. you and him are the family now, act like it. don't let your son forget about his father though...both you and him will regret that. the only thing that gets me by is strength...accept the fact that that hole is going to be in your heart forever, and don't try to fill it up, because you can't. and you'll get depressed when you find out that you can't fill it up. focus on the other parts of your heart...be strong....

Answer 7

If you can send the kids to grandmas for a night and have a good cry and eat a lot of chocolate.

Then make sure none of his things are in the house. He will start supporting his children right after the judge talks to him so give that time.

Also start going to church and out with friends. I do NOT say find another guy. You just got rid of one and DO NOT need to start another relationship .

Try to occupy your time for a while it will help with not having to think about him.

Answer 8

Is not easy but move on. Remember your husband has a problem not you. In the healing process try to go out don't stay home feeling depressed and lock in. Try working out it helps with mental/physical stress and depression cause by broken heart.

Answer 9

I've been in your situation with a boyfriend before, and it is real hard to mend a broken heart after you have been betrayed. Finding a new love would be the best solution, but that is easier said then done. Just take each day at a time, and you would notice that over time your heart will mend. You will just sum up this whole experience as a lesson.

Answer 10

I know just what you mean, My ex took off and move to another state 2000 miles away just so he didn't have to share any of the responsibilities. All I can tell you is take your sweet time to date again. Don't go out unless your ready to. DON'T let your friends and family set you up on a blind date either. Don't let them give out your phone number unless you give them the OK first. If they do, let them know exactly how you feel about it. I swear my sister-in-law had her heart in the right place but lord knows it drove me nuts!!! One guy she gave my number to couldn't even get my name right . I corrected him and he would still get it wrong. Then I went out with him just once just to humor her and oh my god, I wanted to beat her up for it. He was so handsie. I thought I was going to have to beat the cramp out of him before I even got home. As soon as I did I got rid of him for good. Then she set me up with another loser!! I didn't go out with him and when he called I hung up on him as soon as he told me where he got my number. Concentrate on your son and only him, Give yourselves a year or ten to move on. Make sure the next guy is the right one. If he doesn't want to be involved with your son any dump him on the spot. Always make your son the priority and when the right guy comes he'll respect that and want to be apart of both your lives.

Answer 11

I no men get really offended by this but it happens over and over.It doesn't take much to be replaced .Men have no heart when it comes to their sexual needs.When they start an affair it's always about the sex and being appreciated but what it comes down to is his selfishness his needs being meet nothing else.He walks away from the woman he once loved he walks out on his only son and for what someone who claims she loves him.Does this man stop and think about his son and his future. Shame on this man and all men who walk out on there family just for new puss y.