A thousand howls shook the foggy night sky.
2007-01-26 17:42:29 · 24 answers · asked by jared c 1 in Arts & Humanities ➔ Books & Authors
It is a little interesting, but rather clichéd. I'd go for a better visual and auditory image like... "the fog, which hung in the air like a thick veil, swelled and shook with the eruption of a thousand deafening howls". Just a suggestion. Put more description into it and it will grab people's attention more.
The better they can imagine it, the more interested they will be.
2007-01-26 17:57:26 · answer #1 · answered by Keegarosan 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Uh, no. A howl cannot shake the night sky. A howl can pierce the night sky but not shake it. And I hate to tell you, but the sky is NEVER foggy. Cloudy yes, foggy no. Clouds are in the sky, fog is closer to the ground. Really awful sentence you wrote!
2007-01-26 17:53:59 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
Not really. A thousand howls?
How about, "A symphony of howls infused the foggy night sky."
2007-01-26 18:08:39 · answer #3 · answered by Yinzer from Sixburgh 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It's a little generic, but certainly not bad. I prefer something that really "grabs me". Sharp dialogue and description...ie:
"The tranquility of the calm, foggy night was shaken by the piercing cry of a thousand eerily beautiful howls being unleashed into the lonely sky."
2007-01-26 17:58:46 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
Yes.
I especially like the visual of a foggy sky shaking.
What are the next few sentences? You can set a variety of different moods for the book based on how you write the following sentences. Are they abstract, contribiting to a profound and evocative setting, also placing more importance on aesthetics than the actual story? Does it lead into a very down-to-earth and mundane description of a person running? Transfer to a dramatic gunshot? I would keep reading, but it takes me a few sentences to form a positive opinion of a book.
2007-01-26 17:48:42 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 2⤋
No. Sounds pretentious. First sentences don't grab me. It's the first scene and sequence that hooks me and most readers. I'll even stick around until the end of the first act to get hooked. Work on your storytelling and don't think about the gimmicks and writing myths such as needing a strong first sentence.
2007-01-26 22:55:45 · answer #6 · answered by i8pikachu 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Like in the comic strip Peanuts where the bird always starts his story with "It was a dark and stormy night..." Not meaning to offend, but is is rather juvenile. Come to think of it, it may make a good beginning for a horror story for children -- of the Goosebumps genre if you know what I mean.
2007-01-26 20:24:34 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
It would not get lots extra appropriate than Christopher Moore. Love the above "Lamb" commencing off line by utilising the way. I additionally love the commencing up of "a grimy pastime." Even the 1st financial disaster call - "with the aid of fact i could no longer stop For death - He Kindly Stopped For Me." the 1st line is: Charlie Asher walked the earth like an ant walks on the exterior of water, as though the slightest misstep would desire to deliver him plummeting in the process the exterior to be sucked to the depths under.
2016-11-01 09:47:42 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Probably, but I don't judge by the first sentence. You have at least the first 75 pages to get my attention, then I'll throw it away if I don't like it.
2007-01-27 05:21:43 · answer #9 · answered by Kristie 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
yeah. it seems dark and mysterious and stuff like that but like the others say. it seems cliche. Maybe you can add more description. I would definitely love to read the rest.
2007-01-26 18:31:03 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋