What do you think of this poem?

Question

At the edge of the universe
there is no life, no people,
but there is a sense of humility,
it's humbling, and sad

The edge of the universe,

Is where I was born,
Where I live,
And where I will die

I am the edge of the universe

And I will swallow you whole,
and spit you out,
away from your mother and father,
brothers and sisters,
everyone

But when you look back,
at where you came from,
and what you've left behind

You will smile, and welcome the darkness

I wrote this for a Creative Writing class and was hoping to get some feedback

Answer 1

Honestly, I don't think that being esoteric automatically makes for good poetry, or writing of any kind. There seem to be two, and maybe three, different speakers: the first being born at the edge of the universe, and the second being the edge of the universe (I was born in Phoenix, AZ; I am not Phoenix, AZ). The poem starts with a detached, objective voice describing the edge of the universe, where there are no people, yet human emotions are sensed (by whom?) It then moves to the first person and finishes in the second person, with a narrator that addresses someone else from a place where there is no life? I'm not slamming the poet or the poem--It does have strong sense of isolation and otherness, but doesn't gel as a whole.
P.S. If you are dong this for a creative writing class, I encourage you to submit it and workshop it with the instructor and the rest of the class; you'll probably hear much the same from your instructor as I have said above, but the fact that you have something completed that evokes emotion is great. Revision is a writer's best friend--just ask Walt Whitman.

Answer 2

Deep, totally awesome, great perspective......I felt the edge, I understand, and smile....Thanks for sharing

Answer 3

It makes me feel sad for the poet. Very cynical and lonely.

Answer 4

ummm....well done...nice poem but a little bit sady

Answer 5

i like it but I wouldn't call it a poem. prose, perhaps?

Answer 6

Unique, I like it.