What should I do with my spouse's clutter?

Question

My husband has way too many books, media, outdated clothes, magazines, gadgets, memorabilia from his childrood (such as thousands of baseball cards) and out of style ornaments, many of which sit in plastic bins. He doesn't want to throw anything out because it is sentimental to him. I want to keep my house from overflowing, plus I'm a neat freak. Should I get rid of certain things anyway? I admit, sometimes I do that and 99% of the time he doesn't notice. But I I hate to throw out anything that isn't mine!

Answer 1

My husband sent this question to me as we have this problem too. We have always rented, and typically lived in small places, especially in the last 5 years. We have one 15 yr. old son, and i'm trying to teach him not to accumulate clutter. Yes, i have stuff, (old highschool yearbooks, some memorabilia) but i periodically get rid of it. The only papers i have kept from university are really good papers i wrote, transcripts and maybe some financial (student loan) stuff. It all fits neatly in a small portion of the 2 file drawers in our 4-drawer filing cabinet; 2 of which he has too, but they are somewhat disorganized and could be a bit more efficient. He has papers, just notes, from university (from 20 years ago). That's ridiculous in my books.

He has made some improvements, but still has a long way to go. I just have to keep on him about it. It gets tiring, but we don't have the option of putting it in a room just for him. Besides, the other people are right, give him a room/storage space/shed, it just gives him a place to put even more stuff. I chuckled at DB Cooper's suggestion but thought that Focus was very thorough by addressing different possibilities with resources. I'll be interested to see who gets Best Answer.

I think it's just persistence and patience. You really want to almost teach a new behaviour, but maybe that's not your responsibility. He does have to take responsibility. Maybe some "professional" help is necessary. The Rubbermaid containers are a good idea. Give him a limit of how many he can keep. EBay and Craig's List are good places to get rid of stuff. CL doesn't cost you anything to post. It's best to take photos and put them on your post. Just be careful, cuz CL is filled with stuff that people are trying to get rid of. He might find something that he "needs". Baseball cards are only worth something if you sell them. Get him to take them somewhere and get them appraised. There are probably only a few of them that really are worth anything. Maybe hold onto them, but put them in something that will protect them, but sell or recycle the others that are worth little or nothing.
Maybe tell him that he can keep the money that he makes from selling stuff, but that he can't keep buying a bunch of little stuff. Maybe something big that the whole family can use, but that would be more for him than anyone else.

Good luck with this. I'll be watching this question/answers. Oh, I just want to pass on the title of a book. (see below)I decided to just leave it in the bathroom, where a lot of important info is seen, lol. I told them (husband and son) that I wanted them to look at it and implement some of it. I know they have read some of it, but the implementation might take a bit longer.

Answer 2

I have the same problem with my wife. She's a compulsive shopper and has soooo much stuff and it's all over the place. Our living room is all but unusable. In her case, however, little of it is sentimental. I can probably throw or put a lot of that stuff away and she'll never miss it. Like you, I don't like to throw her stuff away, but I know what she'll miss or use later, and what she won't. (We've been married 20 years, so, yes, I can read her pretty well in this regard.)

In your case, though, you might want to sit and talk to him about it (if you haven't already) and try to work together. I had a lot of stuff from childhood that I finally parted with, and, honestly, don't miss it. Your husband might feel that way as well about some of his stuff. You've probably heard the old saying that if you haven't seen or used it in two years, you probably don't really need it anymore.

The fact that he doesn't notice some things missing says that he obviously doesn't need them. Hope I've helped.

Answer 3

I will share below some links that may help. You may want to see if your husband indeed has OCD hoarding disorder.
Check out
http://www.ocfoundation.org/1005/index.html
for their special hoarding section.

Also consider joining the yahoo group Friends of Hoarders at
http://health.groups.yahoo.com/group/Friends-of-Hoarders/
where you can exchange information with others with similar problems.

See if he will visit http://www.clutterworkshop.com/
and consider taking the online class there. He may not be aware of his problem and that others share it with him.

Although you have succeeded in sometimes discarding his things, that is indeed "risky business" (if he does notice, he may buy replacements to decrease his feelings of violation, and many times chronically cluttered people are very visually aware). It also obviously does not make YOU feel good about yourself.

Storage units are generally NOT the answer: Chronically cluttered people will tend to fill any available space, and once that is overflowing, the house will begin to fill again. And it can be significantly expensive.

I would try to open a dialogue about the problem, see if he will admit to being uncomfortable himself with some aspect of the situation, and see if he would be willing to seek help for the problem.

Answer 4

in my view i'm a neat freak and extremely prepared. i'm also a dork in that i go with to do laundry so i must be keen to do the laundry, and that i do do the laundry in my domicile (it is me and my BF). He does his own little such issues as: leaves bottles round besides, leaves the face wash on the counter (must be lower back interior the bathe for me), leaves espresso in pot, dishes in sink....it hasn't extremely began to harass me and perchance it is the position the actual incontrovertible actuality that we are no longer married is on the marketplace in. In time, it ought to grow to be an concern for me yet for immediately they're little trivial issues that i do not get disillusioned about. appears like he's very busy and convinced, has a cluttered ideas. you could try stating it, if it would not replace i wager you should imagine about even if it is a conflict you're keen to strive against...to me, see you later as he's no longer leaving towels and underclothes on the floor, i do not care. life is too short to nit %. issues that are not too substantial.

Answer 5

DO NOT throw his stuff out. You will just cause discord in your family. Instead tell him if he doesn't do something his stuff will be living in the house and the two of you will be living in the back yard. Give him 1 room to display or warehouse his stuff, and he must only keep what will fit in there...then that room is off limits to you, so it doesn't drive your"neat freak" self crazy.

Answer 6

Get a storage unit and have him pay for it. Tell him that anything not used in the next year goes to charity, a garage sale or the trash. He has a problem with feeling secure and may need therapy. It can become a major problem, a pack rat syndrome, unless you stop it now.

Answer 7

I was in a similar situation but with a family member sharing my home i mean in the house we had no room for all his 'junk' [well to me it was junk] I said OK the guest room is all yours ill even get shelves put in etc and all your 'junk' can go in there Well it worked for about 2 months then slowly it began creeping back in so I warned him if i found any 'junk' in the main rooms longer than 3 days it would get thrown out and when it did it got thrown out the back door if he wanted it he had to go and find where i threw it!!! He moved out 2 months later as as he said 'I did not understand his feelings' do i feel bad yes and i sorry no

Answer 8

That is kind of risky because what might seem like junk to you might really have meaning for him. Tell him that he is responsible for organizing his clutter and if he doesn't do it in a reasonable time that something just might come up missing at least he had fare warning

Answer 9

You should not be throwing out his stuff. If you want to get rid of all his stuff, buy you a shed to store all his stuff in it. He may have not noticed that you have thrown anything away, but when he does notice something is missing, it is gonna be hell to pay.

Answer 10

You are sooooooooo right. He needs to do something with it. And unless you can get him to do something with it, you will have to keep you neat freakness in check. You could suggest that perhaps he should rent a storage unit or purchase a shed to put on your property and keep the bulk of his "treasures" there.