We've been married for almost 5 years. During that time she's found every excuse not to have sex, she has never been interested in doing things together, she has kept all her finances separate and secret from me, and she stopped wearing her ring for about a year. I tried planning vacations together, romantic outings, cooking her dinner every night, and so on. Finally I got so frustrated I told her I was unhappy and that I we weren't working out and it was senseless to stay together. Also, in the meantime I had met a friend that has turned into a romantic relationship.
Now my wife has suddenly turned a 360--she says she's sorry for how she treated me and wants to make things work. I still love her but I'm not in love with her anymore--I care for her and want her to be happy but I don't think we have a future together. She just cries and says she can't understand why I'm not willing to make it work. (She doesn't know about the other person)
Am I a terrible person for giving up?
2007-01-26 15:50:26 · 16 answers · asked by xaow20 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I did the same thing to my hubby, and yes, when I saw that he was unhappy, I did a 360!!! Completely!!! I wanted to do nothing but bow down...give it another try...with nothing in the way. If the other woman is that impt, you wouldn't be asking if it's ok that you ask for a divorce! It wouldn't hurt to give it one more shot! You never know. You would be amazed at how fast us ladies will straighten up! lol You never truly know how to love until you think it may be lost! Just keep that in mind! Good luck!
2007-01-26 16:05:12 · answer #1 · answered by laurayvonne113 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I wouldn't say you are a terrible person for giving up but the fact that you have been seeing someone else behind your wife's back is very mean. I understand that you did everything to make your wife happy and it didn't help but you should have left your wife sooner and not starting cheating on her. There is no excuse for cheating, it is just so wrong. Perhaps your wife has changed now as she is afraid of loosing you but l guess it's too late, the damage is already done. You should be open and honest with your wife about how you feel and the other woman. Leave her and be happy and allow her to move on and find her happiness also. Best of luck to you
2007-01-26 16:07:20 · answer #2 · answered by kazzadanni 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Remember you are still married and this other woman only got in the picture cause your wife wasn't doing what was right. You got involved with her cause you thought the grass would be greener and while you are still married which means the foundation this new relationship is built on is lies and decent. Don't find yourself in the same situation with a different person two yrs from now. Let the affair go and start doing some of those romantic things for your wife again, you may find yourself falling in in love again.
2007-01-26 16:08:26 · answer #3 · answered by spirit2 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Try some marriage counseling to see if there's any chance for the marriage. Your wife may or may not have changed because you finally stopped tolerating her indifference. It sounds like she has some issues of her own. However, having an affair is only going to complicate things. If you truly care more about your girlfriend than you do about your wife (and there are no children), then get out of the marriage and move on. But if you still have feelings for your wife, try the counseling. I would suspend the extra-marrital relationship until you are free of your marriage. Otherwise, your wife WILL find out and then it will get darned ugly.
2007-01-26 16:08:25 · answer #4 · answered by Yo' Mama 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am not saying you are a terrible person BUT you really need to give her another chance and work on your marriage and try giving it another shot... She is really and truley sorry so i feel that you should do this for her and for your marriage before giving up. You need to dump your friend and work on your marriage. You also should be honest with your wife and tell her about the other woman too... This is only fair.
2007-01-26 16:00:21 · answer #5 · answered by Lady Hewitt 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
i think she may be truly sorry, but she is only sorry because you want to divorce her. if you never would have told her about this, she would still be the same woman. you are not a terrible person for this at all. she let it get to this place, not you. she never wears her ring and that tells me that she is presenting herself to being available. its on you, but i dont know if i could do it.
leave the other woman alone. you are still married. dont cheat man. it is only making men seem a lot worse. dont do it. if you do divorce her, then stay with the new girl.
2007-01-26 18:25:58 · answer #6 · answered by young grown man 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
your other romatic relationship is stopping you from giving your wife a chance of changing things. your wife deserves a chance though for the 5 year marriage. you should've talked to her earlier about this before u met this new lady. it's tough but you should be fair to your wife, hold on to your other relationship and try to work it out before you give up. it's for yourself and for her. if you don't figure this out, you may get into the same problem again in another relationship. relaitonships change but we don't! good luck!
2007-01-26 16:05:36 · answer #7 · answered by xyz 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Under current situation, it sounds that you don't have a child with your "wife", correct? If so, you better make decision soon before things are getting complicated. Once you have a child with wife, it is very difficult to change your direction, is it? I have seen some of my friends suffering from these kind of family problems.
2007-01-26 16:03:18 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
YEP, and even worse then you thinking your a terrible person is the fact your using issues that should be between the both of you,TO JUSTIFY YOUR OWN GUILT. You've been married for 5 yrs and now you pop up with an excuse.I hope she finds out! Quit blaming her for your DIRTY DEED...
2007-01-26 16:11:28 · answer #9 · answered by Skinz 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
hmmmmmmmmm..tough one...I would think a separation is in order, time and space for both of you to figure out what you really want to do. you may want to consider some marriage consoling during this time...and as much as you probably do not want to hear this....end the other relationship until you are legally a free man. best of luck.
2007-01-26 16:03:47 · answer #10 · answered by catywhumpass 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋