My husband has a narcotic addiction. I asked him to leave when I overheard a doctor tell him he tested positive for cocaine.I really love him and want my marriage to work but my 17 yo daughter said she would leave if I let him come back. I work nights so she has to be here with him alone when he's high. He also embarasses her when her friends are here. My daughter is pregnant (2 months), (she also had a miscarriage in aug). He says that he has it under control. I asked him to either go to rehab or marriage counseling. He said he could do it on his own. He says he hasn't abused them since he's been gone.He left in Oct. He's lied to me before. He has heart and back problems and goes all over the place to different hospitals saying he has pain. I don't know if he's telling the truth or not. I miss him. I'm lonely and feel scared with all the pressures I have with work and my daughter. I love my daughter with all my heart. Her daddy died of cancer when she was 5. What should I do?
2007-01-26 14:24:42 · 10 answers · asked by ktzmom 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
do what u think and feel is right for u but i would make sure hes in a detox serious of his addiction and becoming clean and being in recovery and he goes into therapy and u all do group therapy like a family even your daughter. tell ur daughter u respect her feelings and for now u want to see and try approach of all i suggested and if all dont work then all have to move on but your daughter needs to support your decision what u decide and u got to respect what how she feels and thoughts and what her decision is and what and how she feels if u take him back if she dont end up having a change of heart about how what she feels now and fact u dont trust him makes it sound at same time and fact your questioning the realtionship sounds like u got doubts and need to move on
2007-01-26 14:35:19 · answer #1 · answered by ? 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I know you love your daughter, but what right does a 17 year old have to call all the shots in your house? She can't seem to even manage using birth control! At 17 she has been pregnant twice in the last 5 months? Sounds like she needs some counseling too. She is not likely independent at 17, nor ready to take care of a baby. She needs you as a MOTHER, not a girlfriend. Your relationship is obviously out of balance.
As for the husband. He's lying. He has a HEART CONDITION and still does cocaine? He obviously has a death wish. Tell him he can come home when he has his rehabilitation certificate; and then only if he agrees to marriage counseling. Make sure you get a BIG FAT life insurance policy on him now! Keep the premiums paid! If that is not possible due to his heart condition, get a policy that will at least pay burial in two years. One of those guranteed acceptance without medical questions policies. Most people do not have any idea of the hell they'll go through trying to raise money for a funeral without insurance. I've been there. Trust me.
As for you, you have too many stressors in your life. Work, a recidivist at pregnancy and an addicted spouse. IT IS TIME FOR YOU TO TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF!
Set some limits. At work, do what you can in the hours you're paid to do it and rest assured what you can't do will be there tomorrow. Join a gym. You need to work off some of your stress. Set ground rules for your daughter and the baby NOW. She was determined to get pregnant, you need to be determined that she will be a mother. Insist that she join a group for parents-too-soon classes at planned parenthood. If she needs sitting services to go back to school, many high schools now provide them. She needs to go to one and apply for welfare benefits and daycare benefits until she can do better.
You have got to get up off the floor and stop letting your loved ones march all over you. Tough love begins with yourself!
2007-01-26 22:53:42 · answer #2 · answered by amazingly intelligent 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You should be strong and make him stay away for your own peace of mind and the welfare of your daughter and unborn grandchild. It is difficult at first when a split occurs. Each day it gets a little easier. Don't saddle yourself with an unreliable drug addict. It is like carrying a 200 pound weight on your back morning, noon and night. If he has truly stopped using, he will be willing to take a drug test. If he can stay clean, he can find a job and go to work and hold the job for at least 6 months to a year. Then, and only then, should you even consider seeing him again.
I know it is hard, but you are only asking for major problems in your life if you let him back in without knowing these things for sure. Time will tell. Give it time to prove itself one way or the other.
2007-01-26 22:38:28 · answer #3 · answered by Slimsmom 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You are concerned about the pressure of work and your daughter. How in heaven's name will the pressure be eased by having a narcotic addited husband in the house? You will lose the daughter and replace her with an addict. From what you say he cannot control his addiction, he needs professional help and can't be taken seriously unless he gets it. I would never let him back until he demonstrates to both you and your daughter that he is serious about coming back to live as a family. I'd stay clear of him until then.
2007-01-26 22:38:39 · answer #4 · answered by smilingtalker_au 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I dont think its wise to let him come back home , atleast not until he gets help for his problem. He should try rehab , and theres also group sessions that you and your daughter can go to , to help you understand how to deal with someone that has an addiction. You both love him , don't give up on him, he needs you. If hes willing to do that , then hang in there and hope all goes well. Good Luck, i'll be praying for you.
2007-01-26 22:33:38 · answer #5 · answered by babykins 2 · 3⤊ 1⤋
I can't believe you need advice on this. Your daughter should leave if you take him back. I doubt she wants to be around a drug addict nor wants her baby she is expecting to be around this crap. When your daughter has her baby she could have the baby taken away from her if she lives in the home of a drug addict and has the baby around this sort of substance abuser. I'm surprised you have exposed your own daughter to this man as long as you have. I hope you come around but most desperate low self esteem women don't so good luck.
2007-01-26 22:34:34 · answer #6 · answered by Lucinda M 3 · 2⤊ 1⤋
U cannot burden ur daughter with ur problem. Stop working at night before u let him in.
2007-01-26 23:03:31 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
i would stay in contact with my husband and I would continue to encourage him to get treatment.
His addiction should be the reason he's not living in your home...not your daughter.
At this time it would be a good idea to help her get a handle on her life...a teenager who's been pregnant twice in 3 months should be your main concern right now....she has problems
2007-01-26 22:32:26 · answer #8 · answered by daljack -a girl 7 · 4⤊ 0⤋
Don't let him come back. I know your lonely and stressed but he wouldn't make things better - only worse. You'll be okay, you may even meet someone worthwhile. Good luck hun.
2007-01-26 22:34:41 · answer #9 · answered by ? 6 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Truthfully? if you cant handle him being an addict .. stay away... forever...
'Angel (always addicted to one thing or another)
2007-01-26 22:44:14 · answer #10 · answered by darchangel_3 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋