My wife has a habit of raising her voice on me and the kids. It runs in her family and I have seen her parents raise their voice for very small issues. I think that now she subconciously thinks that if she raises her voice, she is right. I have told her countless times, but it does not do any good. It is driving myself and the kids to the point that we do not want to talk to her about issues. I would appreciate any advice.
2007-01-26 14:19:28 · 30 answers · asked by Samuel 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
Try the book "Crucial Conversations." She's allowing herself to escalate her emotions, going to a "fight or flight" mode (she's fighting), and making assumptions about everyone else's motives. This book helps to deal with people like that.
Also, since it's your wife, you might also want to read "The 5 Love Languages" by Gary Chapman. That might be a good point for BOTH of you to start with.
2007-01-26 14:23:37 · answer #1 · answered by It's Me 5 · 2⤊ 1⤋
Sounds like a generational thing. It's sad, actually, because that is probably all she's heard her whole life...so that's the only way she's accustomed to handling issues. Even sadder,...your children will possibly end up with the same issue unless your wife finds a way to stop. I was raised in a similar situation and deal with almost the same thing. I do it and then feel guilty for it. However, it is then too late. It's almost uncontrollable...2nd nature. 1st of all, pray for her. Then, maybe consider some help. Maybe...some anger/anxiety help. I'm sure her doc will know how to help...maybe a referral. Just don't give up on her. She doesn't mean to do it, I'm sure. And it drives her just as crazy inside as it does you. She may not admit that, but it does. It'll work out. Just hang in there and tell her how frustrating it is to you. Love will conquer all.
2007-01-26 22:34:07 · answer #2 · answered by ashlynmadelynmommy 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Granted, I am a christian so this might sound crazy. But this might be a spiritual problem. I would probably pray about this. Because it sounds like a very negative unhealthy thing for you and the kids. I mean it is. But before anything, I would get her to a counselor. If she does not comply then I would have to say, you may need to leave her. Because this is not appropriate behavior. And it will have devastating effects on your children as it may have already. Especially now that they and you are no longer comfortable bringing up issues with her.
I myself have been through this with my mother. And I can tell that it has everything to do with the things of the spirit. Especially with her family doing the same thing.
2007-01-26 22:34:46 · answer #3 · answered by Noodles 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I can't stand that. It's a way to control others. They think if they scream then you will shut up. Tell her she's driving a wedge between herself and you and the kids. You should turn your back on her and walk away when she screams. Don't talk to her at all. Then walk out. Don't sleep with her that night. Keep doing this each time she screams. Tell her you want nothing to do with her when she does that. Then be warm and loving to her when she is reasonable.
2007-01-26 22:26:51 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I am here to help us much as I can but if you ask me according to what you say that it runs in the family maybe you should try to talking to a doctor or family counselor to see how they can help like maybe something in her life is not coming out so perfect but if she still doesn't stop talk to her privately and tell her how you feel as well as your kids if she gets mad I am truly sorry but someway somehow you to will come to a agreement because you married her and you must have loved her to want to get married to her good luck God Bless
2007-01-26 22:29:57 · answer #5 · answered by nuttymunkeyjunkey 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i have a friend that does that, and u'r right they think loudest wins. I just talk very slow and in a very low tone. it's very tough at 1st and they get real pissed which makes them even louder, but they do get the hint esp. if u can maintain the low tone all of the time- don't let her push the buttons to get u yelling back. know what the triggers are and be prepared for them.
2007-01-26 22:32:30 · answer #6 · answered by cher 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Do it back to her one time when the kids aren't there. Ask her how it makes her feel when you raise your voice over small issues. Tell her you don't appreciate her treating you and the children that way and you expect her to talk to you with the same respect as you talk to her.
2007-01-26 22:24:17 · answer #7 · answered by chemky1 3 · 0⤊ 2⤋
Pretend she is a kindergartner. Say in your softest fatherly voice, "I'm sorry, I cannot hear you in that voice. Please use your indoor voice with me so I can understand you better."
Don't engage in conversation when she yells. Don't raise your voice back, don't let her make you angry and bait you into it.
Continue to talk to her like she is a small child until she is forced to calm down, then have a productive conversation.
2007-01-26 22:25:27 · answer #8 · answered by mamacatto2 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Your wife is a ***** and my fiance of 13 years is too, life is a ***** and then you marry one.....My fiance sreams from morning till nite, I have post tramitic stress syndrome, I am shattered emotionally, physically,financially, and every way from Tuesday, if I could find a way out I'd go, it's pathetic that I have stayed this long....he also threatens to beat the hell out of me at least 3 times a day. Get out if u can, just get out I tell you ...run like the wind, don't look back, if I had a little more guts I'd go too!!
2007-01-26 22:26:59 · answer #9 · answered by angel 2 · 0⤊ 2⤋
talk to her when it's quiet and the kids are in bed,tell her it is upsetting the household and you have had enough and would appreciate it if she would do something about it,as you love her and would just like some peace and harmony
2007-01-26 22:28:29 · answer #10 · answered by jewel 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋