I was involved with a separated man. I knew this man for almost 2 years before I noticed I had feelings for him. Funny thing is, his wife always accused me of having feelings for him when I didn't. We had a very open friendship and could always tell each other anything. We were co-workers and everyone always said we had a weird friendship because we were so close. Anyways, he became unhappy with his wife about a year and a half into our friend relationship. They were constantly fighting, had nothing in common anymore, and were unhappy. He separated from her. Immediately after he separated we started a relationship. It was a close one, perfect match. He told me he loved me first :) and I loved him. Eventually, he began to miss his kids and decided to return to his wife in order to stay true to his vowels. I loved him, and it hurt me when he decided to go back to her. All i could do day and night was think about him. Everything reminded me of him. I couldn't understand why he could give up the special relationship we had. And then the more I thought about it the more I realized that he's an awesome man. Trying to endure, and overcome the obstacles he had with his wife. What it all comes down to is he made a commitment to his wife, and a real man honors that.
From your story it sounds like he's trying to honor that commitment he made to his wife I know right now you think you want to be with him, but you deserve to find someone better. Love is hard, and it sounds like you love him a lot, but you couldn't be happy with him even if he were to divorce his wife. There are plenty of other men out there on this very large planet and you are lucky that you have the opportunity to find someone that you can connect with.
I still love my ex, and I always will cause of the closeness we had/have. But I know I would not be happy staying with a married man, always being the other woman. And yes, I know how it is to be the other woman and people don't understand how it is to be that woman unless you've been in those shoes. For your sake, you need to get out of this relationship cause you deserve to be happy. I think you're holding onto false hope that he will get a divorce (that's what I had).
2007-01-26 15:03:26
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answer #1
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answered by I know 2
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Sorry, but you aren't going to get the answer you want to hear--not from anyone that cares about YOU. (I know from experience). My advice is to RUN, get as much space as you can between you and him. His wife is not the problem. He is! He does not deserve your love and will not be able to love you back. Not the way you love him.
Look at it this way: If he would cheat on her, why wouldn't he cheat on you? You are fooling yourself if you think he wouldn't. Even if you could accept that, you shouldn't!
You CAN have someone who will not use you because you are convenient!! Say, "Good-bye, I love you, but I need to leave!" You don't owe him an explanation and there's no reason to have an unpleasant confrontation with the man or his wife. (His wife should also try to understand that he is the problem, as he is breaking vows, not you)! If you don't make a scene, you can go back later (take the police, if necessary), and get the bulk of your things.
Time and those you love will ease your heartache. Rely on them, pour your energy into friends or family! Or work or therapy or exercise or art or music--whatever you are passionate about. You will get past it and be able to move forward. Really!
In my situation, it's been over three years since I left my husband (a great man that I still love, who has recently moved on) and I haven't seen the other one I love(d) in over a year. I can't say the pain is totally gone, but I think of him less and less. I am truly glad that things worked out the way they did. I am happy living alone, without all the drama!
With true empathy!
2007-01-26 16:27:01
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answer #2
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answered by Amy 1
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What would I do with a married man that was separated from his wife, but still what he is doing is cheating with you?
KICK THAT ***** TO THE CURB!
Who needs the grief of a liar and cheater? Try to keep in mind at all that tigers do not change their stripes, leopards don't change their spots, and you cannot change a coward, liar, and cheater into the person you want to love and deserve. You may fool yourself for a while, but when given a reality check you'll find out like all women who stay with and even marry men that were married when they met... WHAT HE DID TO SOMEONE ELSE (abuse emotional, mental, physical) HE WILL GET AROUND TO DOING TO YOU. It's a shame, but people just don't change.
I can't blame you if you do not take my advice. Let his wife have him. You don't need the baggage he wants to load onto you.
Do you know how I lost 130 lbs. of painful, embarrassing ugly fat? I divorced him. He was married when I met him at age 17. I was too stupid, involved abused then too lacking in self-esteem to get free. When I realized that I would kill him or myself to stop the beatings a friend told me a divorce would be cheaper. He was right.
That man has gone on and married 6 times since our divorce. I was his third wife.
So, get away as fast as you can. The cure for a man is another man, or two.
2007-01-26 14:54:12
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answer #3
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answered by sundown15 1
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I would of already expected him to make his decision. Sounds like he's playing you. He done told you he's using you. Depending on who's place ur living at. If it's urs I'd stay if it's his I'd have options if necessary. She might be some crazy woman. If it's both of ur guys place I would stay.
Sounds to me he a waste of ur precious time. Sounds like it's a one way love. He's takin it all and given you nothing.
Girl there are so many men out there why deal with drama! Go out have a few drinks with some friends n meet some new men.
Lifes too short waiting form someone who doesn't seem to love you the way you love him.
In allll L I F E ' S T O O O S H O R T ! ! !
2007-01-26 14:30:00
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answer #4
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answered by Anna e 1
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This doesn't sound much like love to me and I think you know it. If it were love he would be divorced and the pair of you would be so happy together. I suspect that deep inside youself you know this just isn't going to work out. He is having sex with two people and feels he can come and go as he pleases. Have respect for yourself, put an end to it and go and find yourself someone who will commit to you for real. Good luck
2007-01-26 14:28:29
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answer #5
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answered by smilingtalker_au 4
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I'd seek counseling to find out why I loved someone who wanted to walk all over me and obviously is a dramatist! What will you do when he brings in the vat of mud for the two of you to wrestle in? He might as well! Listen, sweetie, you know how to take care of yourself. You already know you need to get packing, so go ahead and do it. Don't stay until you have no self respect to take with you!
2007-01-26 14:30:15
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answer #6
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answered by amazingly intelligent 7
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When you really love a man who treats you this way you have to ask yourself why you love him....
I think you made changes in your life that he wished you hadn't made and now he's stuck.
It'll be very hard but the best thing is for you to leave him alone and figure out a way to get your life back on track again.
2007-01-26 14:23:25
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answer #7
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answered by daljack -a girl 7
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you can tell how someone really feels by their actions. his actions are not saying that he loves you. then he has the ordacity to tell you and your still hanging on? honey, you gotta let go. no woman deserves that type of treatment. your only hurting yourself by trying to hold on to something thats not worth the fight. you say he's all wishy washy so for someone like that you gotta help them make up their mind. surprise his butt one morning with a note that you deserve better.
2007-01-26 14:39:34
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answer #8
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answered by Anonymous
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Go back in the military and find someone else who does not have this baggage. He is playing you by the way.
2007-01-26 16:16:53
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answer #9
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answered by Anonymous
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Sorry that you love this man. I think he is using you. You should let him go and find a man who only has eyes for you. You deserve better. Good luck!
2007-01-26 14:22:19
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answer #10
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answered by chemky1 3
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