My boyfriend of 18 months just asked me to marry him for the second time the first time I felt like It was too soon and I wasn't ready but this time I'm hesitating I know he won't wait forever but I really love him but I'm scared to go that far I have had my heart broken sooooooooo many times I don't want to settle down because I don't know what would happen am i afraid of commitment or am I afraid of what I think may happen I think it may sound weird but I have felt this way for all the time we have been together I tried to talk to him but the words wouldn't come out my mouth what is wrong with me.................
2007-01-26 11:23:17 · 15 answers · asked by Kitty 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
You have this man who wants to marry you and has asked you twice before, don't you think that he does care and love you to even wait the second time around? Not sure how old both of you are, but if you are still young, and not ready, then don't marry.
Stop comparing this man with people who have broken your heart before. If he says he is not like them, then believe him!
Are you afraid to fail in your marriage? People fail and get back up, that's how we learn each day. Just like the marriage vows say, "For better, for worse" those words are promises that must be kept.
So, if you think that you might be too immature to get married, then don't get married yet. Wait a little longer, but don't expect him to wait that long if he wants to make a committment with you now. He is ready to get married and wants a wife.
Because when you two are married, it could be a big mistake when you start having some problems because you may not have the trust in him and start having doubts in him because you feel insecure. Just make sure you are doing the right thing.
I guess you could stop having those doubts and look forward to what can happen when you two are married to eachother. I am pretty sure he wants to take care of you and there is no need to feel insecure if he has promised to provide for you and love you. So don't be afraid and don't make comparisons about him.Plus, how can you be afraid of commitments when you have this man who is willing to do what ever it takes to make you happy? (smile) Hasn't he proved to you enough already by waiting that long to ask you to marry him once again? You have a jewel in your hands now, don't let him get away! (smile)
2007-01-26 13:47:21 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's a smart thing to ask the questions you have. Here's what I would suggest, get engaged but set the date of the wedding far far off into the future. Tell him that you would like to work on yourself for the next few years, you'd like to either go to college or start a career. You would like to accomplish those things before you actually consummated the relationship in marriage. He will probably retort by saying that you could do those things while being married, but respond by saying that you cannot be anchored down to the "wifely" thing (I'm being very olde fashioned there, by "wifely" I mean have dinner waiting, cooking, cleaning, etc).
Tell him that if he truly loves & respects you, he will respect your wishes which are to fulfill some of your dreams that you harbor in your heart.
I wish you two the best of luck . . .
2007-01-26 11:34:38 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think the more likely question is, "what is wrong with him". If you've been dating for 18 months, and you still can't envision yourself married to him, there has got to be a problem.
Sit down and make a list of the things you like and dislike about him. Be brutally honest. Then look at the dislikes list, one by one, and decide - I mean really decide - if it's something you want to live with. If the likes list really makes you happy, and there's nothing in the dislikes list that's a deal breaker, that should help you decide to take the leap.
2007-01-26 11:32:39 · answer #3 · answered by Terri J 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Nothing is wrong with YOU but something is very wrong with the relationship.
Marriage is a hard road, with all kinds of twists and turns, bumps and potholes. Don't take it without being very very sure of your feelings and the union itself. Even when all is in place before the marriage it's hard enough without the doubts you are having.
I just can't stress enough that if you go thru with this you will live to regret your decision. It doesn't mean you need to dump him altogether but do talk straight with him, work on the relationship, get therapy if you can and wait until and if things change.
2007-01-26 11:51:53 · answer #4 · answered by Ande 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Honestly, the only thing that makes the taboos of marriage real is our acceptance of them as a fact for everyone. Your marriage could be great if you worked at being open and real with yourself and operating out of self love that allows you to act out of love in all you do with and for him because it makes you happy will be the glue to keeping all the rest of the negative taboos away. Marriage itself is not the big act. Devotion is the big act. Putting it on paper, so what! It cost about $250 in Texas to divorce politely without a lawyer. If you do not feel you can devote yourself to him and to a commitment of love no matter what then do not get married. That is the only true question here, taking his name so what! Wearing a ring, so what! Loving that man in his good and learning to accept his bad while staying responsible for making sure you love yourself and behave with virtue is what you should concern yourself with. It isn't a commitment to him you have problem with. It is a commitment to devout love you have a problem with. Search your heart and be honest with yourself and you'll make the right decision.
2007-01-26 11:41:04 · answer #5 · answered by Love to Love 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to date for at least another year. If he can't respect that then why would you want to spend the rest of your life with him. You really don't know a person after 18 months. 3 years is good enough to see the whole person, not just a front. Keep dating and if he truly cares and respects you, he'll wait.
2007-01-26 11:28:43 · answer #6 · answered by SillyKimmie 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
There's nothing wrong with you at all! It sounds like you've got
it on the cap (good sense of judgment/smart). Most of the time
if we follow our 'Gut' instinct we're less likely to make a mistake.
Reach out, plug in, confide in some really good friends, including
your parents if you think they would be of help! Obviously you
have some serious reservations that need to be spoken about,
otherwise you're gonna find yourself banging your head against
the wall, and no Results. You'll be fine good luck.
2007-01-26 11:48:28 · answer #7 · answered by jon 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are nervous as well you should be that is a big step an any relationship. You could accept the ring if you know that you do want to spend your life with him and you could tell him that you just want to be engaged until you guys decide whether you want to get married or not.
2007-01-26 11:29:46 · answer #8 · answered by badazz_51 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Nothing is wrong with you. It is possible to love and care for someone and not be ready for marriage. Don't get married if you're not sure - he may not be "the one". They say that when you find the one, you just know it.
2007-01-26 11:31:06 · answer #9 · answered by beaner250 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
This anxiety that you're feeling is a sign. It is a sign that you are not ready for marriage yet. Let him know that, and if he is really committed, he will stay with you. If he doesn't stay with you, well, then he probably wouldn't have stayed with you if you were married, anyways.
Good luck!
2007-01-26 11:28:37 · answer #10 · answered by wnk 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋