We haven't been getting along so he's be staying at his dads house and i have a secret way to check the history on the computer and when i look at it all he watches is porn from the minute he wakes up to the time he goes to bed but when we hang out he wants nothing sexually to do with me i'm worried that he could be doing more than watches i think he may even be cheated on me so if anyone can help me with some advice.
2007-01-26 11:22:04 · 9 answers · asked by katiew36 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
We haven't been getting along so he's be staying at his dads house and i have a secret way to check the history on the computer and when i look at it all he watches is porn from the minute he wakes up to the time he goes to bed but when we hang out he wants nothing sexually to do with me i'm worried that he could be doing more than watches i think he may even be cheating on me when i ask him about whether or not he watches it he lies right to my face i just want to tell him look i've seen the history i know what you've been up to i feel so hurt and horrible about my self so if anyone can help me with some advice.
2007-01-26 11:30:28 · update #1
Here's a quote from Dr. Phils website;
Pornography isn't real, it's a fantasy. It's makeup, beauty lenses, hair extensions, camera angles, lighting and silicone! It's also somebody's daughter who has taken a really, really wrong turn. She's demeaning herself, debasing herself, humiliating herself and she's being exploited by people who are funded by you. It is a sick, demented, twisted world. It's not healthy, it's not natural and it's not normal {end quote}
I really dont understand how people can say there is nothing wrong with porn , when it ruins a LOT of relashionships, usually makes the woman feel as thou they do not mesure up the the *porn* women, destorys self esteem.
2007-01-27 02:45:40 · answer #1 · answered by beth z 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I can relate somewhat to this issue,.. Your husband is watching porn to get the stimulation he needs because he's not comfortable having sex with you right now. Whether or not he finds you sexually attractive right now, I cannot answer that, but don't think that he's not still attracted to you. He just needs that visual stimulation to satisfy the urges for sex,.. which is actually a good thing too. If he wasn't watching porn he might then be out finding women for sex.
As far as him "lying" about it,.. I don't think that's the case at all. I'm willing to bet any amount of money that he's more embarassed than anything and that's why he hides it from you. He more than likely feels ashamed because he knows how you feel about it or how you might react to it. If you are totally against it, then just let him keep this little secret to himself and maybe down the road it will come out into the open. If you have no issues with him watching porn, tell him in a subtle way. If you are not offended by it, then maybe you can let him know that it's okay and you understand. You might even like to watch it with him, if you're interested, and that will bring back that sexual bond between you. If he's not comfortable making love to you right now, fine, but try to bring it into the relationship somehow if that's what you're both in need of.
I felt odd making love to my wife while she was pregnant as well at first, but I overcame that issue once we discussed it. I was worried about hurting her, hurting the baby, causing her to go into pre-term labor,.. I mean, there is a lot of stress on a guy too when his wife is pregnant.
This is also probably leading to the problems that you two have been going through. You're emotional and think something is going on behind your back, and he is embarassed by his actions and stressed out by the entire situation. You both need to communicate regardless of how uncomfortable the converstation will be. Trust me,.. once it's all out in the open, you'll both be so much happier.
By the way, when you bring the porn up (if you do), don't tell him that you have been checking the history on the computer because that will start a fight. Just tell him that you understand that he has needs and that you aren't exactly able to fulfill those needs right now, so you'd like to know if he would object to you buying him a DVD (porn) or something to that effect. This should open up the floor for more along that line,..... Good luck. It will all pass.
2007-01-26 12:48:25 · answer #2 · answered by Justin W 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
What is really bothering you? The fact that he watches porn or the fact that he hasn't been paying attention to you. Make sure that when you talk to him, you confront him with the REAL issue.
If you are bold enough to go through the computer history then you need to be bold enough to confront him with it. You can't just ask him whether or not he watches porn...tell him that you KNOW he does and also tell him how you know. Men will deny anything that they think you can't prove. He needs to know that he is being insensitive. You are at a time in your life when his love and support is most needed and he is backing away. Tell your husband that you feel that the two of you are growing apart and that you are no longer secure and happy with your relationship. Also, go do something for yourself. Start hanging out with friends a little more during the day and doing more things on your own just to show him that you are capable of doing that.
2007-01-26 12:35:33 · answer #3 · answered by Patrice B 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First of all you need to question yourself on why you feel his watching porn is such a bad thing. Women watch romance movies and yearn for the love and attention they see men giving chicks on tv, but if a guy watches porn he is cheating. Women watch porn too and enjoy it just as much as men do. If you're 8 months pregnant he may not be attracted to you at the moment and that is painful but it is true for lots of men. Sex is a physical thing primarily for men where as it is mostly emotional for women so what excites us is very different usually. If your husband is seeing someone else I would be concerned but just to watch porn and maybe masturbate is nothing to feel hurt over. Cheating is giving his love to another if he is just watching and masturbating he's only loving himself. Maybe he is uncomfortable for various reasons having sex with you so far into pregnancy. Lots of men have hangups on pregnant sex. There are lots of avenues to explore on why he is not active with you. As for him lying, most women completly flip out over porn and I'm sure he thinks you would too. Why deal with that when he could just keep from admitting it to save the drama? I'm sure he is thinking along those lines. Having a baby does more than change the life of the pregnant woman, it changes the man tremendously and some need additional help to understand that things can and will be ok despite the baby. Try understanding him without judging him negatively and you'll find the answers to putting you two back in a happy place.
2007-01-26 12:10:41 · answer #4 · answered by Love to Love 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Thats a shame if he doesnt find you attractive just because you are with child. I for one find pregnant women very sexy!
I don't believe watching or looking at porn in any fashion is cheating. Men are visual beings and women should not take it personally. He may be just enjoying the mental stimulation but has no physical sex drive?
Science has shown men get more arroused with visual stimulation than women do. But if you really think he might be cheating, hire a private detective!
2007-01-26 12:09:50 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
watching porn isn't cheating, but when your a pregnant woman it can be a painful thing to find since we already feel "fat" and sometimes unattractive, I personally had a terrible time with depression when I was pregnant. It doesn't help that he is staying with his dad either.The problem I see with porn is that it can and does become addictive for some people. They get to a point where only porn gets them aroused. be careful and take care of yourself.
2007-01-26 12:45:54 · answer #6 · answered by swtlilblonde31 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
OK.... I don't believe watching porn is cheating....perhaps you should rent or buy your own porn movie and have him watch it with you. Get "frisky" and see what develops. Obviously their is something that you want to save with this man.
2007-01-26 12:57:51 · answer #7 · answered by jmarvelous1943 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Men are the creature created by God, and they cannot live a life without watching porn forever. You should complain to God.
2007-01-26 16:08:36 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
Have you talked to HIM about his porn fixation????????
Communication is key in a relationship.
I don't consider looking at porn cheating either.
2007-01-26 12:32:32 · answer #9 · answered by Terri 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋