am i wrong?

Question

do you think it's wrong of me not speaking to my in laws..... we never had a fight but their never there for me or my children.... they did not even give my kids anything for christmas or their birthdays...... i never call this lady or her husband.... my husband is always right in her eyes and i'm wrong... she has done some pretty messed up things to me.... but i have never disrespected her but i just don't ever call her or visit her... my husband goes alone with the children to visit her.... i just feel like that family is a fake, i did not even call her for christmas... am i wrong? or do i have the right not to speak to his family... to be honest i feel like his family are my enemies....

i honestly feel that this is a situation only GOD can heal.... because right now i can not see them.... she once was buying my husband plane tickets behind my back so that he can go to our country, she did not want me to go.... she has spread rumors about me when me and my husband are having problems.... and i don't even call her to tell her about it... this lady has some wickedness in her.... i have made my decision to stay farrrrrr away has possible.... i hate the fact my children go over there sometimes, she even accused her grandson who was 3 at the time trying to kiss her 2 yr old granddaughter....

Answer 1

It sounds like your husband doesnt feel the need to help you with his family. Meaning, he doesnt want to try and see if his family will be nice to you, offer to come over to see you, him and the kids, or ever even have them call to talk to you. I think your not doing anything wrong. If anything, you need to talk to your husband about all this. Ask him why he doesnt feel y'all should talk or see eachother. Hopefully things will get worked out. I wish you the best!

Answer 2

Well you can feel that way and act that way as much as you want but that will only drive a large stake thru the middle of your marriage. Who cares if she thinks he is alwasy right? That's her son, of course she will think that, would you not side with your own children over something? Her son goes home with you, so you win ultimately anyway. I am not saying your reasons for not liking the family are not valid, I am just saying that doesn't mean you have to stoop to the same level. Have you ever heard of kill them with kindness? It really really works and you always end up looking good. Also, in this way all you do is add to the drama and make your husband see you as one more source of stress, think of how great, sexy and beautiful you would appear to him if you went over with him and acted like the sweet wonderful woman he married, regardless of what his mother or father are acting like. He knows how they are, he grew up with them. This is just a suggestion of course, but since acting rudel or ignoring them isn't going to change anything, then why not try something different and if they are still jerks, so be it, but at least you come out looking fresh as a daisy and you'll be in a better mood too b/c you won't have had that negativity going on in your head.

Answer 3

It's good that you at least let your husband take the kids to visit them. The problem here is, I can't tell if they're merely annoying, difficult, or truly destructive. The fact that they don't give the kids presents should not be a problem. Kids need to learn that love doesn't always carry gift with it anyway. If that is the type of thing we're talking about, I'd try to learn to be in the same room with them comfortably.

Hubby can still visit with them without you. But maybe you can invite them to gatherings from time to time. Do it when other people will be there. Maybe they'll be too embarrassed to act nasty in front of others.

If, however, their behavior becomes destructive, you need to separate from them.

Answer 4

Is the children yours from a previous marriage and not biologically your husband's? If that is the case and they are not responding to the children for that reason, then you are not wrong. If this is the case, then I wouldnt allow my husband to take the kids with him to see his parents.
I dont know your situation personally but perhaps they cannot afford presents? I think you and your husband need to sit down and have a heart to heart talk about this.
I hope things get better for you and your family.

Answer 5

No, you're not wrong. Heck, I won't even talk to my own family if they were that way. I do not speak to my husband's family for the same reasons you said of yours. You have a responsibility toward yourself to make sure that you are surrounded by love and comfort and if being around them removes your atmosphere of love then you should not subject yourself to it. If you really thought your kids were miserable seeing them you wouldn't allow it, so why treat yourself any different? We as adults forget to love ourselves and care for ourselves as we would our children and loves. Protect your heart and emotions and do not give anyone the place that only belongs to God.

Answer 6

if they don't get thier grandkids anything for christmas thats mean unless thier low on money i would try to be friends if they will give you a chance i guess you feel like your in prison because of the way your inlaws treats you i felt like that when i was married to my 1st husband his mother bossed too much i felt like i was in jail i got a divorce and got my kids out from that mess

Answer 7

Try to be mature and act cordial around them. Just because they aren't offering to babysit and giving your kids and probably you any presents doesn't mean you should give them the cold shoulder. Maybe you should quit being immature and talk to your in laws about it. That's the only way problems get solved.

Answer 8

I love my husband's family, we are seperated. I have been told my husband's family hates me,by him.Over the last 2 years, they have not been there 4 me, to support me emotionally w/ our situation.They have choosen 2 pick sides and get deeply involved... where they should have been nuetral.We have children together and they have shown me their love for me just because I was his wife.

Answer 9

Wow, I feel the same way! I just feel like I should be polite to them for his sake if I HAVE to see them. But never do I go out of my way to contact or speak with them. Do not feel like you are wrong - it's ok! :)

Answer 10

Yes you are. And you are setting yourself up for a divorce. You could at least be civil, you do not have to be bosom buddies, but I would certainly be at my husband's side when he goes over there.