How to survive part 2?

Question

Please read my "How to survive a heartbroken read through?" question and then help me with part 2:

Now that I have great advice helping my son get over it, how do I get over it? The shock has worn off and now I'm hugely offended and insulted that my son got dissed and frankly I know I will have a lot of trouble respecting this director and pulling off my part during this play. I think another theater member who did decline to be involved after getting dissed herself did the right thing. But my son wants to do it anyways. So we're in. I admit he's being the better person here.

Any advice in how to successfully work with this director in this play in these circumstances? When his shocking replacement sings the whole play off key and off pitch can I think "I told you so?" Help me to stop being bitter!

I think the hardest part for him is that we have been a part of productions with this theater for 4 years with other directors. My son is now 10. There unfortunately has often been favoritism and politics involved in casting but always with fit to the part being the utmost consideration. This is the first time with this director and the first time he (and some others) has been slighted. One of the leads was cast with a kid who did an excellent job at auditions and we understand that one. The other lead was cast with a kid who bombed the singing audition (for a very major singing part) but I believe is a particular favorite of this director. This is why I feel bitter and he feels upset, because it really is personal. It also isn't helpful that the two kids cast in the lead roles were both girls and the parts are both male.

Answer 1

Dreamer and DeeCee both make excellent points, but I think the real crux of your post is summed up in the last sentence, "Help me to stop being bitter".
I'm not sure anyone other than you can do that.
It would be helpful to know your son's age and the show in question, but from what you have told us, I make these educated guesses:
Talking with your son about the reason he accepted a bit part, will likely help you to see things in a different light. My suspicion is that he is less concerned with "starring" in the show than he is in just being part of the process, learning and having fun. If I'm right about that, maybe you could take a page from his book (but NOT his script, for cryin' out loud!). Let go and just be there for the fun of it. After all, that's what community theatre is supposed to be about, anyway. That's not to say that it can't be an excellent training ground for bigger and better things down the road. Just not this time. Besides, you can learn things from the wings that you could never learn while onstage, and that's all valuable stuff, too.
At the community theatre level, there are no award shows, no agents with contract offers, none of the "glamour" one associates with theatre and acting. You'll likely be expected to grab a hammer and help tear down the set after the last performance, just like a regular carpenter.
Maybe the director is a jerk, or maybe your perception is colored by your bitterness. If you genuinely don't like him, don't audition for him next time. There are plenty of others.
Now stop worrying about what might have been or should have been, and go have fun! I have no doubt your son will reap rewards from this experience that he never could have if he'd gotten the lead. Maybe not the rewards you'd have hoped for, but valuable ones nonetheless. And they all count.

Answer 2

It can be extremely difficult not to feel offended when you or someone else, in this case your son, does not get cast for a part that they/you were hoping for. The important things to remember are
A. The director has no bias, and is therefore often able to cast people in the roles that they are most-suited to. (This is not always the case, of course)
B. It is not being "Dissed" when a person is not cast in a certain role. It does not mean that the person is considered a bad actor.
C. Quitting just because you don't get what you want is never ever a good way to achieve things in life. Theatre is no different in that respect. Just because you didn't get what you had been hoping for, does not mean you can't have a good time.
D. Perhaps, the person that got the role had a great audition and your sons was not his best. Auditions are not always tell alls.

There is no way to help you stop being bitter. That you have to do on your own. Just remember that life goes on. If your son is happy, you can try and be happy, and after a while, you might just forget all about this.

Answer 3

First you have to stop thinking of it as being "dissed." Somebody else was chosen. The director wanted pound cake and your kid is angel food. I was amazed when I saw Evita that the woman who played the dumped mistress was a much better singer than the woman who played the lead. But the woman who played the lead was a dynamite actress. And the whole show was really good. You aren't going to enjoy show biz if you are going to take it personally and get angry every time things don't go your way. I think your kid is awesome for being willing to accept a bit part. People will be watching and his professional attitude will be appreciated.

Answer 4

I know that it's really hard to not get angry or upset when you wanted a role in a play or something (this also applys to your son) and didn't get it even though you thought that you were the best. What helps is trying not to think about it too much. That way you can focus your mind on other things and move on.