my wife slept with a work colleague how common is it and what are the reasons for betrayal?

Answer 1

These days, infedility is more and more common. The percentages of a spouse cheating are very high these days. The main reason women cheat is NOT for sex, but love and attention.

Answer 2

I'm not sure how common it is. You've had a lot of people respond to your question and basically say "yep, been there, done that" but bear in mind that people are only likely to respond to your question if they have some experience of this, so the fact that say, 15 out of 20 answerers say they've done it, doesn't mean that 75% of the population has done it. If that makes sense.

Here are the reasons I have gathered, based on the experiences of people I know who have been in similar situations:

Firstly, the partner who strays may feel like their husband/wife is not paying them enough attention. I know of a man who cheated with a colleague because he felt like he lacked attention from his wife. However, she was at home being the primary caregiver to two or three small children with little help from him, so she probably didn't have time nor energy to give him enough attention.

Another reason I know of, but I'd like to think it probably applies more to men who cheat rather than women who cheat, is the whole attraction of still being able to pull someone who might be hotter/younger/whatever than their partner. If you think this could apply in your situation, don't take it personally. It could be some kind of mid-life life crisis.

Also, could it have just been a drunken mistake? This is of course no excuse for an ongoing affair, but I assume from the way your question is worded that she only did it once. Our company has a lot of entertainment provided which involves alcohol (and other drugs which might not be quite so legal) and there have been a number of drunken hook-ups after these events.

Some people might also do it if they believe they will get something out of it - a pay rise or a promotion. I've known employees in my company try to make a move on Directors for this reason (not that it's ever gotten them anywhere).

Hang in there and you'll work things out. It sounds from your question like you're blaming yourself, but don't. In fact, why don't you just ask her why she did it if this will put your mind at rest?

Answer 3

It's not a matter of it being common or not. It's not right for you. Your love for her will probably allow you to make excuses for her, but what she did is wrong no matter what. Its up to you if you want to forgive. She can try to do whatever she wants to justify her actions, but I think you would not have handled the situation that way. Don't think about her and what she needs, focus on what you need. You need to be in a relationship where you don't have to second guess someone. When trust is gone, it will take a lot of work (her trying and you forgiving). Do you have it in you? Especially knowing what she is capable of doing now.

Answer 4

Some reasons could be too much time @ work, and not enough at home. There is always going to be some type of attraction on the job, you just have to know how to handle it, and be wise about it. It starts with flirting, and it leads to the ultimate betrayal, however, those involved should know how to not feed into temptation. I take marriage very seriously(married for 8 yrs, ,to my jr high school sweetheart). Keep you head up, and hopefully she has learned her lesson! Unfortunately it is very common!!

Answer 5

62% of all infidelities happen with someone at the workplace, because this is the one place they have others who know what they are going through, what the work stresses are, co-workers are more compassionate, listen etc etc, because they share the same things. You end up spending more time with co-workers than your spouses/partners, and for the ones whose marriages are shaky, this is too much of a temptation. It happens a lot! You need to decide if you can forgive/forget and trust her again, thats a hard one and I hope for the best. I've been cheated on and its so hurtful, you will probably never forget, and forgiving someone who shares your heart for something like that is difficult at best.
Good luck

Answer 6

The workplace is the scene for most infidelity between adults, its all about opportunity I'm afraid, simple as that, when people are away from home and at work they get an unrealistic feeling of freedom, this is particularly true around Christmas when office/works parties take place.Hope you and your wife can work this problem out between you, believe me it's not impossible if its what you both want - Very Good Luck To You Both.

Answer 7

its very common,your wife has slept with all her work colleague's,reasons well need you ask?

Answer 8

i dont know how common it is for wives to sleep with a co-worker, but i know relationships between co-workers happen all the time..

all i can tell u is most women that cheat on their spouse its because they feel they are lacking some kind of emotional need from their husbands.. ie u'll hear women complain that :

Their husbands dont seem to notice them anymore ..they dont say "wow u look beautiful today" anymore

that they feel neglected, unappreciated, dont feel desired, theres no romance, no spontinaity, no communication, ect...

Women who cheat usually are in a low, a funk in their marriage, then this guy comes along and makes her feel pretty again, listens to her, laughs with her, makes her feel wanted, desired and needed again.. and she forms a relationship with him, and eventually the grass looks greener on the other side and she cheats..

Answer 9

You are failing in your matrimonial duties. She wanted a thrill and sure as hell her work colleague who was possibly better endowed and a good lay provided, an on the spot release, which you could not. Its quite a common occurence.

Answer 10

your wife maybe feels unloved and un wanted by you, if you want to work out things with your wife then I think that you both need couples counselling. Relate do a good service. good luck