Help me I am on unfamilair ground and there's a child involved?

Question

Hello, my boyfriend and I been officially dating a month but I have
been around for a few months longer. We both have a pretty bad
relationship history so we are really taking this one slow. We both feel there's
a future together. When I first met him he wanted me to meet his
daughter (10yrs old). I told him no out of respect for him until we were a
little more stable. Now the relationship is moving along.

He hasn't said it but he's asking to bring his daughter along with us.
So I am guessing he wants me to start getting to know her and building
a relationship. I have met her a few times and thus have a really
comfortable relationship with her. Per him, we are just friends in front of
her but she's smart it's only a matter of time til she figures it out,
if she doesn't already know. I told him I don't want to lie to her if
she asks me. I know that eventually she will ask one of us about it.
Also, he made the comment "I don't want her to know we are together
because she's going to think we are going to get married."

My boyfriend and I have totally open communication. I am just in
unfamiliar territory and I am a little unsure about how to progress. Also we
dont have that much time together so there's a little bit of an issue
with alone time (me and him) vs. family time (me, him and her)

So what I would like is general advice on relationships involving a
child, any imput on his comment about the daughter thinking marriage. Also
the time issue, which is more important with strengthening our
relationship? Thank you for your help

Answer 1

There's something wrong with this setup. BF is but and you have .
You also say but it sounds as if he and/or you are confused about what the other person thinks and wants.
You need a serious talk together for both of you to find out what each of you expects and wants (not the same thing).

Answer 2

Do not under any circumstances go against the parents wishes in the particular matter. The daughter very well may entertain thoughts of having a new step mom..so do not put false hopes there unless the guy has asked you to marry him...until that happens you are just friends. The child's feelings and emotions are the most important part of this relationship...part of the problem when dating someone with children. It's nice to see that the father is aware of this and is making it his priority.

Answer 3

i think of you're maximum suitable in assuming a 10 year old will parent it out. i think of the daughter could learn, and while the marriage subject comes up, i could tell her that if at this factor you 2 have not reported it. i think of being open and basic is the main extreme component. Hiding or protecting up some thing is in many situations printed quicker or later, and the guy who's been "shielded" will oftentimes experience greater injury or indignant while the certainty prevails. i myself do no longer techniques on a thank you to make greater time, there in no way seems to be sufficient. although, only rejoice with the situations you do have mutually. superb needs!

Answer 4

I think he wants her to like you, you know it would be a problem if she doesn’t. Also since he is thinking about building something with you, he wants to make sure you both get along. Talk to him tell him you want to spend time w the little girl but also you want alone time for you guys. Bringing her along all the time is not good. And you are right the little girl is smart and probably she knows you guys are together and I think you are doing right by not wanting to lie to her. If she asks you, you can reply with a " Well, what do you want? Is it ok for me to be w your dad? Or something like that. Not accepting it or denying it, that way you don’t lie to her but also respecting the fact that your partner doesn’t want her to know. Good Luck!

Answer 5

to start with he has a child and wants to see how you are with her because if you don't do well with her there is no use in pursuing a relationship with you. and since you are already having issues about alone time you need to stop and think about weather you really want to be with this man because his child will always come first. or at least thats the way it should be.

Answer 6

Being male and having an 11 year old I understand the way your boyfriend feels.However children are much more intelligent than we give them credit for.If you wait to long to tell her and then you and he do get married she will feel betrayed.He should explain that you guys like each other but are taking it slowly and she has nothing to worry about.Good Luck

Answer 7

if you think you have a future with him then you have to get used to the fact that it wont be the two of you very often it will be the three of you. and by dating him you should be prepared to take on the responsibility of a mother