my husband and i have 5 kids....?

Question

and he does nothing to help me in the house...i do ALL the house work( in addition to all other adult resonsibilities) we work diff shifts and when i am at work he lets the kids make a total mess of the house while i am at work...its so bad that it takes all day to clean it and i go sometimes 5 days without sleep and he thinks this ok....im tired of being the maid and have gone on strike! i refuse to be a maid....is this the right approach?

Answer 1

Well first off this isnt right. You and your husband should be a team, you should share the same rules for your children, that way, when you are home with them, or he is home with them, the household is ran the same way.
How old are your kids? Its never to Young to start them early on learning to clean and pick up after themselves...If you start when they are young, it will teach them responsibilty and also, if they dont clean up, they wont appreciate what they have, Teach them to clean and take care of there things, so they will appreciate what they have.
Talk with your husband and let him know how much this is stressing you out, talk with your children...
Its not right, esp when you both work outside the home..
Wishing you the best..

Answer 2

Definitely, NO. Now nothing will ever get done and eventually you're going be so fed up with the disaster the house is going to be in that you'll explode and things will only get worse.

If your kids are old enough to help out, they really should. Even if they only do a haphazard clean up...any clean up is good. Buy a calendar and pencil in chores for the kids. Make it a habit from now on...the kids need to do this for their own development. They need to learn responsibilities.

So, don't give up. Set a reward system as well. If your kids clean up, they'll start getting an allowance. Trade your frustration for $100 a month...budget that amount for your kids in a month...or less, whatever you and your husband can manage. At the end of the week, you pay your kids for helping around the house. Maybe once or twice a year you'll have a wild month where whoever did the most cleaning gets the total amount of the allowance...imagine that!!! One of the kids getting $100 for cleaning!

That would be so awesome for your kids, they would feel accomplishment, with rewards. They would feel responsible and learn to be responsible, the basics for working in the real world when they're older.

Give it a try for a few months and see how it all goes.


Good Luck.

But don't give up, women are the glue that keeps the family together. Without you, things just fall apart.

Answer 3

Well first off (IMO) thats way to many kids ( I swear i dont know what it is with humans having this urgent need to procreate)

But hey in any event its 50% his fault and responsibility anyway (they make pills & stuff for that ya know)

Sure he should be helping you around the house if ya are both working.. if yer a stay at home mom thats different.. but that dosent seem to be tha case...

Going on strike may not do a whole lot though.. but its prob a good an idea as any... Maybe you should just quit your job.. take care of the house & kids and let him work and provide the money (that will go over really well most likely) Thats fair I think.

Do you know a good divorce attorney? My crystal ball sez yer likely gonna need one.. LOL and if you really wanna get even with him in the divorce.. give him primary custody of all 5 kids (you cant get anymore evil than that hahaha)

Answer 4

You have 5 kids? Your husband and ALL the kids should have responsibilities at home. The chores should fit their age, but nobody in a family should be doing nothing around the house. It will be hard to change their habits, take it one step at a time, but you need to make some big changes around your house. Each one should have a turn to cook each week, each one should be taking out the trash in their room, picking up clothes off the floor, vacuuming. Try a star chart or other way of keeping track and reward system. And if the house is a big mess, let it stay that way, don't do any one else's work.

Answer 5

I want to say YES STRIKE!! my husband and I have six children.. until recently I worked all day and then did the "at home work" when I had fed, bathed and tucked all in.... I was pregnant, large and so tired.... well while I was in the hospital having number six last November..... he got a good taste... I told my mother NO she was to help my sister only (she had just had her 8th... big family... lol) anyway... and just "babysit" while he was at work.. leave the mess, clothes, dishes, grubby little faces.... etc.... and read to, play with the kids while you are there... relax and enjoy..... he came home after work the first night and had to clean... he made a crack to mother (the saint!) the next day when he came home to the same... and she came back with her role is not as his maid... but his mother in law... not as their mother or father but grandmother... and if your wife can do it for six years? you can do it at least for a week, can't you? he did.... it woke him up.... somewhat... a year later I have to nudge.... lol.. but he helps...... I do not think striking will help... good way to vent? no help... I do not think going into the hospital to have another is the answer... but the key is there? leave him holding the bag (without the "strike")go on a retreat? spa? not really expensive things... I know.. five kids? what money?! lol... but... look into maybe finding some place close enough that you could be home fast (if a problem arises?) but far enough away that you are not tempted to run and "rescue" him from himself? without you for a few days.... then whomever you get to "help out"? make sure you make it clear... NO housework! and then either you (via calling to check up after how things are?) or the "sitter" can just let him know... it is his job... you do it and he has no problem... what's wrong with him doing it? and THEN have a chat with him about how things need to change... you can not keep doing it all... you are not super woman... either he lends a hand? or he works enough extra hours to pay for you to have a cleaning lady... DAILY.... maybe it will wake him up to not only the worth of what you do there? but he will pitch in.... and make it up to you.....

Answer 6

Hmmmm well that is quite the pickle your in huh? I would say it is the right approach but the kids shouldnt have to live in filth. Perhaps FORCE them to clean up after themselves or take away something you know they will be miserable without (ie: ps2 or bike or watever they really love) As for the hubby...what can I say? Men are like that...i would say cut off the adult resonsibilities..but then again he is a man and they will get their kicks else where right? IDK that will need a different approach well hope i helped a bit.

Answer 7

Your husband should be helping you with the house chores! However most men do nothing to help in that department. Going on strike could help if you do it right. Here is some ideas:
1) Don't wash any of his cloths, make him do it.
2) Tell him that if you are going to cook, then he is going to do all of the dishes or he can cook it himself.
3) Make a list of things that he can do around the house to help out, and if he doesn't do them, then he gets NO sex!!

Good luck

Answer 8

Going on strike is an outward display of anger, and can cause damage. It sounds like you need to communicate.

Also, sounds like your kids (at least the older ones) could use some "don't trash the place" training, so that they clean up their messes, or don't make them. Might sound impossible, but there are perfectly clean kids out there.

But all in all, I'd say you really need to communicate with your husband (in a friendly, conversational way). If he hears, he should listen, and respond.

Answer 9

all adult responsibilities?
do you mean paying the bills?

I have good news - you are not the maid - you are the organizer of the home - you married him - you gave birth to 5 beautiful children and
I have bad news for you -
The bad news is you have 6 children - until he grows up - some men never grow up - so mom you are in charge - like it or not

You did not say what ages your children are or whether any of the children are capable of doing chores. You should be able to enlist the help of your older children to pick up their own toys and belongings that are scattered around the home when they play.

On a [ large! ] monthly wall calendar - a plastic coated wipe off with a wipe off marker - list chores and schedule to do times
with some allowance for flexibility.

make a list of chores and determine how frequently they need to be done according to your family's needs.
my examples include:
clearing dishes, loading & unloading dishwasher -
dusting in designated room
loading laundry and changing loads from washer to dryer
sorting and folding laundry and returning to various rooms or having the owner claim laundry in the laundry room.
picking up and returning belongings and toys to other rooms
vacuuming in designated rooms

- group according to room - kitchen - laundry - bathroom - bedroom - living room - etc - according to your family's needs.

get everybody involved

best wishes!

Answer 10

I would sit him down and explain to him that he is also a parent like you are. It is not fair for his behavior to continue. He has a responsibility to you and his children to help you with the kids and the housework. And tell him this cannot continue or something might break in half--look him in the eye and say ME. Do you understand what I;m saying to you honey? Me.