I have a very complicated issue here about anorexia... pleas read the description and help out.?

Question

I am a 14 year old guy... and I am very close with a friend who many of our inner circle to be anorexic. At lunch, she does not eat anything, and she constantly tells us how at home she also does not eat much, if anything at all.

However, the real problem is this: one of us refuses to believe that this girl is anorexic. Recently, five of us went to our guidance counselor and put forward the issue that we are worried about our friend, the anorexic. However, we did not include the girl that refuses to believe our friend is anorexic, because she is too immature to understand what is really going on.

Now, the friend that denies our other friend has an eating disorder is outraged that we did not include her, and she also is angry that we would "go behind (the girl who has an eating disorder)'s back."

To make matters worse, the girl who denies our friend has an eating disorder is also my ex-girlfriend (we just broke up recently), and she has also suffered from bulimia.

Can anyone help?

Answer 1

Alright, this is definitely a sensitive issue, but the key is to remain above the likely drama and what not that is bound to come about, given your relationship with this ex-girlfriend.

It's possible that because she has had an eating problem, she doesn't feel she sees the same types of things going on in your friend in question that were going on in her. I'm presuming you guys had significant reason for going to talk to a counselor, so you could just say she's in denial (she might have a point though).

In the end however, if you guys feel that the girl has a problem, it's was definitely worth it to have seen the counselor behind the ex's back. If she feels cut out, you can tell her she can go see the counselor with you guys and she can tell her side of the story. I'm sure she just feels hurt that she's not a part of this. Regardless, your counselor now knows, and can hopefully take this issue more out your guy's hand.

Just rest comfortable knowing that you feel you did your best and hopefully your friend can get the help she needs, if she does need it. With the ex, time has a way of healing things, and if you apologize to her and she still isn't satisfied, even if you offer to go see the counselor with her, then there really isn't anything you can do.

Answer 2

Funny, I had already guessed your ex had an eating disorder before you'd mentioned it at the end. And THAT is probably the reason she protested the other girl getting help.

You see, if her circle of friends work to get your friend help, she may be thinking the spotlight will be on her next. And sounds like she's not ready to change her own eating problem.

You've done fantastic work - you and your friends - by trying to get her help. For now the best thing you can do is let your ex go through her negative emotions. You don't have to fix her feelings, nor should you try. She'll come around in her own due time (or not). Just relax and know that her negativity is not really about you or your friends, its all about her own fear. Good luck.

Answer 3

Ignore your ex, she has to much issues of her own to be involved in anyone else's problems. How can she see your friends disease for what it really is when she is dealing with one herself?Follow up with the guidance counselor about your possibly anorexic friend's case. If this doesnt lead you anywhere, talk to her parents, and if not possible, a teacher you trust. Going behind someones back only counts when you are doing something hurtful or harmful like spreading rumors and such, not trying to get them help. I've dealt with this eating disorder lightly myself in the past, sometimes you just need people who really love you to make a stand and make sure your have the right people to talk to and the right treatment to get better.

Answer 4

You have had a great group relationship up to this point don't leave each other out of the picture have a group meeting and bring up the group worries and let each other know it is because you care about them that you are willing to put your neck out Just ask your anorexic friend to have a general check up with the DR and say you will be there no matter what they say. Let them know you are just concerned because of what you have learnt on the subject that you don't want them to suffer like that you would rather prevent it .
It will be a hard road but stick at being there friend.

Answer 5

Caring about your friend is great but be very careful about telling others about her problem because confronting her might make her hide it and deny it even more. Tell your possibly anorexic friend what you did and that you only did it because you care about her and let her know that she can talk to you or to a counselor. Don't worry about the other girl, she's your ex now not your girlfriend.

Answer 6

No offense, but way too much drama. Focus on your friend who may or may not be sick. It's good that you went to the guidance counselor. Perhaps he'll talk to your friend and get her parents involved. Continue to be a support to your friend. As for the other girl, tell her to relax. What's done is done, tell her that you all need to support your friend right now.

But I hope that you guys have voiced your concerns to your friend. There's nothing worse than having a big meeting of the minds to discuss someone's "problem" without having them involved. I know you're doing this because you care about her, but again, it's too much drama to run around and involve all kinds of people without first keeping it real with the girl you think has the problem.

Answer 7

First of all, congrat on telling soemone about your ana friend. Anorexia is very dangerous and sad.

So your problem is your one friend who doesn't believe the other friend is anorexic (Let's call the anorexic friend Ann and the non believer Jenn) So Jenn doesn't think Ann has a problem? Well, no wonder you didn't include her in your visit to the guidance counselor's office. I doubt she would have gone. She just feels left out. Explain to her that you understand she feels left out, but you had to do something you strongly believed you had to do, and she wasn't supportive of it. When you feel left out, you tend to just think about yourself. What she doesn't get is this isn't about her.

Also Jenn may not want to be drawing attention to eating disorders because she herself has one. That is understandable. I don't know what you want to do about her...I'm sure you're worried about her...but I'd suggest someone other than you go to the guidance counselor about her as well (maybe not you because she's already upset with you and might feel you are doing it just to spite her). Be sure to explain to her that you are worried about her and don't want to lose her.

Answer 8

holy crap thats confusing lol ummmm you need to explain to her and tell her the truth that you didnt think she would help bc 1. she doesnt admit her friends eating problem and 2. she is too immature. Why is it such a big deal that you guys went to the guidance counselor without her and its not her business what you do behind her(the anorexic girl)'s back YOU ARE TRYING TO HELP THE ANOREXIC GIRLS HEALTH SHE SHOULD REALIZE IT!!! but yeah your welcome for the help if it... ya know helped lol hope this solves the problem

Answer 9

First of all, you are a true friend. Your ex girlfriend is not a true friend to her. If you need to go further up the chain, do it. It might piss someone off, but this is a serious disease that needs to be addressed.
As for the person that said you shouldn't of gone behind her back, and adressed it with her. I am sure you have addressed it with her before, I am sure she always would deny help, and she needs this help. This is a serious issue. She needs help.

Answer 10

nicely, i'm bulimic with anorexic dispositions, and definite young babies are demise of starvation. So, are you assisting them? No? nicely, this is only as we are doing. An eating ailment is a psychological ailment. this is addictive, and each so often impossible to renounce. this is only no longer that trouble-free. i'm only asserting I hate while people throw up the "starving young babies" card. you need to use that on wasteful people, wealthy people, those with ED's, etc. inspite of whether I consume or no longer it won't feed that baby. and in keeping with risk this is egocentric, yet no longer for those motives. this is egocentric via fact i'm hurting myself, my acquaintances, my family contributors, and that i won't be able to grant up.