Leave him or not?

Question

I am with a man who for a lack of words treats me and my child like crap. We also have a child together. My child is not treated the same way by his family nor him that the other child is. he is always drinking beer and never at home. Only my heart says the total opposite thing that my head says. Which one do I listen to.

Answer 1

Life is too short to be unhappy.

Answer 2

I think you answered your own question really. If you want someone that is going to treat you like crap, then stay there. If you don't, then find someone that will treat you the way you like to be treated. It's that simple. If he's never at home anyways, and it more concerned about drinking than you and your children, what are you really going to be losing? I think if you really think about it, your heart and your head are really saying the same thing. You're just confused because you love him. That doesn't mean you have to put up with a bunch of crapola forever.

Answer 3

I was not in the same situation as you, but close... we had a child together, and he was awful to both of us.

I truly believed for a long time that I loved him, and he deserved every chance I gave him, and I believed every time he told me he was sorry and would change. I was sure, every night looking out the window that I'd see him coming home, just to wake up in the same place come morning.

I wasted ten years doing what I thought was best for him and best for our son.

What happened, is that my son got older and started questioning why his father was doing certain things, and I began to see his life which was just beginning to form, starting to turn sour. How could I do that to my child? He at least deserved a chance for a good life. My husband may have been beyond help, or change, but my son was still developing, and it killed me to think he could end up like his father. I decided the cycle would stop there.

I divorced him two and a half years ago, and at the time it was the hardest thing I ever had to do, but with the support of family and friends, and the unconditional love of my little boy, I've made it through just fine.

What I came to realize were the real emotions I felt for him, none of which resembled love anymore. The more time that passes, the more objective I can be about what I lived through with him.

He is the same as when I left, still a sorry excuse for a man. I stopped trying to be his savior, and make a family with him. I also said I would never again waste a decade of my life with any man ever again.

I am now with a man in the military. I didn't think anyone would want me with my "baggage", and yet here came this gorgeous creature who I thought was way above me, and scooped me up and made me his. He is "Dad" to my son, we are the true meaning of a family. There are no fights, my son goes to bed happy each night. I'm living what I only believed could be a dream, or fiction.

It's out there, and you deserve it as much as anyone else in your position. In the long run, it's all up to you. How much time do you want to invest in someone?

Once someone has reached adulthood, the likeliness of their personality changing is extremely small. They've already formed who they are going to be, and have been set in living that way for a while. You don't really want to be with someone you have to change anyway. Either they are good to you and your child or they are not. It is that simple.

Once you make your decision, don't doubt yourself. Remain positive, and don't let your child feel the stress, or your worry. I'm sure you are a wonderful mother, and will do what is right for you.

Take care of yourself and your two children, good luck!

Answer 4

Do yourself a favor. Either he goes to counseling with you or get rid of him. Most men do not take to someone else's child. Woman can marry a man with children and accept them as own - but I have seen very few men be able to do this. You have 1 with him and 1 of yours. Do you want your first child to grow up with all sorts of problems because of this? And then the first child will always resent the younger one. It is not a nice situation. You have to protect both of them as a mother. So please - even if he won't go - go to counseling yourself because you will be pulling your hair out later in life. How could your heart tell you to love a man that can't be nice to your child. It is a part of you and if he loves you he would accept that and not treat the children differently. He knew it was a package deal when he married you and I am sure you would not have done that to his child if he brought one into the marriage.

Answer 5

Listen to your heart because thats the one that will usually make the right choice. I would also have to agree with one of the other writers on this question life is really to short to be unhappy.
If he treats you and the kids like crap get out he is not going to change since it also appears he may have a serious drinking problem.

Answer 6

This man obviously is not someone you should be with especially if he treats your child like crap. Get out of the situation if not for you for your precious children. Listen to your head, if he's out drinking all the time and never home he obviously isn't worried about you or your feelings. Dump the loser.

Answer 7

Your heart is confused, but it wont be for very long if you'll just listen to your head. It may hurt more right at first (not very long as you begin to clear your thoughts and gain your perspective), but there's light at the end of that tunnel. Otherwise, you will just be indefinitely prolonging that dull ache inside telling you that how you're living your life right now is so wrong. Respect yourself and do what's best for you. Know that your children are learning from you as well. You don't have to settle for less than what feels right inside to you. You can make your own choices. Whether they "hurt" him or not is not the important thing. It's whether or not they feel right for you, with respect to your children as well. Good luck.

Answer 8

ok well umm do u too have a good sex life cause that might be why he drinks and y he treat u guy like he does... If u dont valentines day is coming up you might do somthign special for him maybe use somthign new that u have never done before... New thing always make IT great... I enjoy it. idk know what else to say to help you if he is like this and thats not the problem then get out . you dont need to live a life in hell cause hes like this.. sry but good luck and i kow this may seem weird but do u go to church because God is always there for me. Get ur self a bible and read and pray best thing in the world.. to do ... He is one person that will always be there for u good luck girl

Answer 9

I believe you know what you have to do, but are procrastinating because it's hard to make such a drastic change in one's life. You need support from some good friends and/or your family who will help you get out of such a horrible situation. Life is too short to be unhappy. Nobody deserves to be treated like he treats you. If anything do it for your child, because he/she will be damaged if you continue to be exposed to such a harsh unhealthy situation. Be strong and do what you have to do. It's scary to think about it right now, but years later you'll be thankful that you were able to make that change. good luck to you.

Answer 10

You should leave him. you and your child you not be treated like that and you should listen to the one that say that you guys should have a break from each other and try to work things out.

Answer 11

Suggest marriage counseling to him. Let him know that you want to be married to him and want to work on our marriage to have a better one. If he refuses, then I'd hate to say it, but I would leave. I hate divorce, but if he isn't willing to try harder, then maybe. You too are causing problems in this relationship, what things do you think you need to work on? You may want to try something....An extra hug, kiss or I love you each day, a little bit more affection and encouragement. I can almost guarantee he will come around. Men are easy. If you give, you will receive just as much if not more back.