The closer our wedding date gets, the more I'm willing to let my fiance go. It's not that I don't love him, it's just that there are hordes of beautiful women with stimulating minds out there that would love to be with him. I'm getting sick to my stomach thinking that he's settling with me.
He's so positive, up-beat, laid back and doesn't let anything get to him. I am the exact oposite. And I see how he intereacts with people like him: he glows and seems alive. With me, it's like he loses his color and vibrance. I feel like he's making a huge mistake with me. I really do feel like I weigh him down.
I've talked to him about this before but he's reassured me it's all in my head. But I honestly can't shake this feeling. I love him dearly and I all I want is to see him happy, even if it's not with me.
Why do I have such low self-esteem right now? Is this even a self-esteem issue? What's going on?
2007-01-26 08:25:44 · 39 answers · asked by Joa5 5 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
He loves YOU, and he's not settling for them. Do you think he doesn't see all of those other beautiful women out there also? You must be the prettiest of all to him, cause he's chosen you!!!
2007-01-26 08:35:31 · answer #1 · answered by K.W. 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would very much like to reassure you that you are not crazy. Sure, it is highly unpleasant to feel as you do, and yes, I do suspect you may have *some* self-esteem issues. However, it's also highly likely that you are simply attempting realistically to look at your situation and make the best possible judgment. I'm not going to tell you "get married" or "don't get married"; that's something you'll have to decide for yourself. If your doubts are just so strong and bad that you can't hardly stand them, it might be worth it to call of the wedding, or at least postpone it, in order to give yourself some relief. However, if you're just pretty unsure and merely doubtful, a bit nervous and/or anxious, it might be a good idea to push yourself a little, to demonstrate some courage and take a risk on getting a husband you clearly think is wonderful. You are in a really exciting time in your life right now, to be faced with such a momentous decision regarding a man you obviously adore. Ask yourself where you would like to be 10 years from now, looking back on these times -- that will give you a big clue about which direction to go.
2007-01-26 08:44:07 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Looks like your tearing yourself down so that you'll have an excuse to get out of the wedding babe. It's your mind playing tricks on you. What you have is called cold feet. You may not be ready to take such a big step yet. Maybe you can go to your local library and research your symptoms ... classic low self-esteem issues. But do you feel like this ALL the time - like before you two got engaged? Before you even got with him did you feel this way about yourself? Search within yourself and figure out the REAL reason you don't want to get married yet ... it's within you somewhere ... you just have to find it. Good Luck love ... hope everything works out for both you and your fiance!
2007-01-26 08:40:11 · answer #3 · answered by msdrdn 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I see a few problems in the making here....
1. You seem to believe you aren't good enough.
2. Low opinion of yourself
3. Unaware of the qualities you have
4. Low self-esteem.
5. Pessimistic
Unless you adjust your thinking, your marriage will ultimately fail. He loves you...isn't that enough? Isn't that what it's all about? He is going to tire of your insecurities. he doesn't want to spend the next 10-20-30 years constantly trying to reassure you that you are OK.
I recommend you get some help before you marry...or undoubtedly...the marriage will not last.
You seem to be incomplete as a person and until you complete yourself..... he will never be able to enhance your life.
2007-01-26 08:52:55 · answer #4 · answered by westfield47130 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First of all, it is a self esteem issue. You don't think you're good enough for him..and you know in your heart that's not true. Let him take the lead and look again at yourself. Do you not love yourself as you love him? Do you not like yourself as you like him? Really look in the mirror of your soul and find out what is eating you up. Is the past-is it something someone told you a long time ago?
You can be happy if you let yourself BE happy.
Pray about this situation. And you know what? He loves you very much. Take it at face value and run...you're very lucky to have him and him you!!
Good luck!
2007-01-26 09:08:27 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'd recommend a good book, "The Introvert Advantage."
Sometimes, "low-energy" people think they have to be like everyone else. This expectaion sometime creates self doubt.
The probem is you're just not wired with all that energy. And you have to take some time to think before you speak. That makes people think you have a self-esteem problem, or you're shy.
They just don't get it. These high-energy people can't slow down enough to take the time to understand it.
But going farther than that, you last comment "like to see him happy..."
People just don't understand us, who have difficulty feeling emotions on our own. We end up experiencing joy by seeing others joy, and being amoung them.
Some say codependence is when you put other before your needs, but few recognize maybe you can't determine what makes you feel joy. I think some people are helped out of destructive habits by codepenence groups, but some just learn to fake their own joy.
2007-01-26 08:47:17 · answer #6 · answered by mt_hopper 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
1. Get help with your self esteem issues, regardless what else you do.
2. Answer the following questions:
Does he love you? I don't mean all those feelings. Does he perform loving actions and/or is willing to learn and perform what you consider to be loving actions toward you.
Do you love him? Are you willing to perform what he considers to be loving actions.
If you love him and he loves you, with real love and not just hormones and feelings, but the actions that make up real love, then you two will have a much better chance at a fufilling relationship.
Even if you don't marry him, seek help for what appears to me to be low self-esteem.
2007-01-26 08:36:59 · answer #7 · answered by camys_daddy 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Looks only last so long, he obviously loves you for the person you are, or he wouldn't have gone to all the trouble of proposing and buying a ring. I know how you feel though- I am about to be married myself! It's a stessful time. Find someone to talk to and work it out- insecurity is nothing you should bring into a new marriage.
Focus on the things he loves about you!
2007-01-26 08:36:46 · answer #8 · answered by 1912 Hudson 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I believe you have a low self-esteem as well as insecurities...
You need to find out exactly what it is that is bothering you, it seems that there is more to it... I would suggest you go speak with someone that can help you....
In the meantime, just enjoy your fiance and the time you have spent and will spend with him... Regardless, of how well he socializes with people and other women want him, HE CHOSE YOU....
Look Deep down in your inner soul and with the one above you can help you... You will find your answers....
GOOD LUCK AND GOD BLESS!
2007-01-26 08:34:20 · answer #9 · answered by Torres 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
This sounds like exactly what happened with me and my now wife. We have been married for 5 years now, but sadly they are not what we all imagined for each other.
Marriage is hard, it's the hardest thing you'll ever do, the last thing you want is to give yourself into marriage with second thoughts.
I pressured my wife into getting married, she was having second thoughts and so was I, but I thought everybody has second thoughts. I have seen other people get married without second thoughts, and I think they do so much better in their relationships than ours.
Divorce is often a subject in our relationship, I wish I didn't marry someone who had second thoughts. My suggestion would be to postpone marriage until your absolutely sure. It sounds like he loves and wants you, but you are not so sure about him or his future faithfulness to you.
Work on your self esteem and seek professional counseling.
2007-01-26 09:11:21 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You know, I think this might be cold feet, it's not that you think he may deserve better, but that you have serious doubts or questions about marriage and/or your relationship with him, and i'ts coming out in this odd manner. Somehow in your mind, it's easier to blame yourself, tell yourself that you are weighing him down and he's better off without you, than to figure out what the real problem is. Maybe you guys aren't a good match, but it's too painful for you to just admit it, so in your mind you have created this whole elaborate, somehow more acceptable version?
2007-01-26 08:34:40 · answer #11 · answered by reddevilbloodymary 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋