I moved in with Jeremy 3 years ago. 1.5 years ago, his 2 kids moved in with us out of an abusive home. The kids are 7 and 9 and call me "mom". They see their birth mom regularly now. We went through some financial and emotional trials with the addition to the new family. Lots of arguments and sad times. All is set right now, and there is open honest trusting communication in this house. The kids are being diagnosed AD/HD, and I am the one taking them to all their appointments, helping with homework, cooking dinners, teaching values and basicly being their parent. Their father, Jeremy still hasn't committed to me with marriage. I consider myself his wife, but we have not tied the knot yet. How do I get him to figure out that I NEED to be a wife, not an underpaid whore and nanny?
2007-01-26 08:21:23 · 7 answers · asked by KimBauer24 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I am the only sane mother those children have ever known. The kids chose to call me mom. What would the damage be on those kids if I moved out. That's just a dumb idea.
He wants to marry me. Wants to call me his wife, but doesn't want to PLAN.
2007-01-26 08:40:44 · update #1
I have asked when over and over and over again, and it always gets put on the back burner. I am tired of asking permission to plan it. I want to just do it now, but I guess I'm a little scared, thinking I will be doing all the planning myself.
2007-01-26 08:45:02 · update #2
Why are you trying to "get him to..." that sounds so manipulative.
Just ask him when you are going to get married, and stop with the manipulation.
If you want to get married, then be an adult and ask.
If doing all the things you are doing causes the resentment that I believe you are writing here, then stop doing those things.
You are giving him entirely too much control over you in one fashion. Yet ironically, you are seeking control in your pursuit to "get him to..."
Ask him, and stop doing things that lead to resentment.
2007-01-26 08:41:05 · answer #1 · answered by camys_daddy 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i would suggest to have a conversation with him and just tell him that you think its time to get married, and if I were you, which is actually what are going to do, don't have a big wedding, you two are already committed to each other, just go and get married in church or whatever, you take care of whatever it is you want to have at your wedding and tell him to just be there with you on the day that you choose. I wouldn't stress over it anymore, if he wants to marry you and the only thing that he doesn't want to do is plan, then you do the planning and you just make sure that the day that you pick is fine with him. Don't make yourself crazy, big wedding are so overrated and the most important part is that you two will be married!
2007-01-26 08:48:12 · answer #2 · answered by wantstoknow 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Obviously he doesn't WANT to get married, Just because you NEED to be a wife doesn't mean that he NEEDS to be a husband. You CHOSE to move in with him three years ago and therefore YOU put yourself in the position of being an underpaid whore and nanny. Stop expecting something you're not going to get and wake up to reality.
2007-01-26 09:08:46 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
Didn't read anyone elses answers yet.....but here goes mine.............
Plan a small, elegant ceremony and dinner yourself.
Yes, I said yourself. Most men do not like being involved in the planning, they just go along because they think they have to.
You sound like an amazing woman, by the way. I wish you every happiness you can find in this world. You will one day reap many, many untold rewards for all you are doing right now.
Stand by your man, and plan your day. Like I suggested, keep it small, but super elegant!
Best wishes to you!!!!
2007-01-26 08:49:07 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you already know what you need to do. We ,women I mean, cannot assume that men get it. I am not trying to be disrespectful to men, I just know that they sometimes just dont get it. So part of our jobs as women is to let them know. THEY REALLY DONT READ MINDS. So even if you feel he should be figuring all of this out on his own, be realistic, and sit him down and let him know the low down. Sitting back and waiting for him to figure out what YOU NEED is a waste of time. He may be thinking everything is cool, after all, YOU haven't complained. Think about it, GOOD LUCK!!
2007-01-26 08:46:14 · answer #5 · answered by eagfan5 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Just arrange it and tell him to show up. The morning of, put him in the car and drive him to the ceremony. Easy enough.
2007-01-26 08:38:02 · answer #6 · answered by Iggy 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Move out.
Move out.
Move out.
When he's ready to marry you, get married and move in.
You're not their mother, you're not his wife- quit pretending.
2007-01-26 08:36:29 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 2⤋