Do you have BAD kids too?

Question

Why do children at the age of 11 and 12 insist on not behaving? They have cost me 3 jobs and no longer have day care because they have been kicked out of all of them. Their father is a dead beat dad and the boys are in counseling for all of their issues, but nothing seems to snap them out of it. My younger son is failing 1/2 of his classes, and my older son is finally getting better grades, but fights at school, or has detention. He is very aggressive! I am at the point that I am afraid of him, and that is not right! We have had the police at our house to control him, and he has been taken to the hospital for the agression, only to be sent home (12 hours later) to see a counselor once a week. I cannot get them to do any chores, or even let the dog out after they get home from school...HELP!!!!!!!

Answer 1

These are very common problems for single mothers without a strong male presence in the life of their children. BTW, their behavior is also a reflection on you and the lack of discipline between your four walls. Bad children are not born they are created through the lack of a strong and absolute system of reward and punishment. Your children do not do what you tell them because they do not respect you and see you as a dominant figure that they should listen too.

The very first thing you need to do is strip them of every single privelege they have (and take for granted). They get NOTHING from you unless they earn it. If you budge on this even slightly, you have already lost. Next, you need to make sure that an adult is always watching, whether it is you or someone else. These kids are 11 & 12, not something to be feared. The only fear should be their fear of you if they don't straighten up. Be strong and aggressive or expect to be visiting them behind plate glass within the next 6-10 years.

Answer 2

I Have A Friend Who's Family Is NAUGHTY! The Kids Hit And Yell At There Parnets. And The Mother Is Practiclly Single Cause The Father Works. I Suggest That You Get Strick. Take Away Video Games And TV. Take The Doors Off. Make Play Time Limted And More Chores And Family Time. =] Or Call Super Nanny.

Answer 3

You need to look at yourself, set boundaries, tasks for money, if the tasks aren't done then you can ensure they do not have enough money to go out and do what they want. Never back down but don't make it a fight. if they don't let the dog out then you don't let them out.

All unruly kids I know are mainly because mum gives in to easily.

If your scared of him, he will damn well know, and will use this to his advantage.

When all is calm Talk to him, be open, ask him what you do that makes him agressive, explain why you do it but offer an alternative and ask how he would feel or if he had any suggestions, explain (not nag or lecture) to him how his behaviour is no longer acceptable, and that you want to change to help him, try and get some middle ground with him. (be ready for him to dig his heels in - try really, really hard not to faulter on your agreement - this will earn the respect back that you need)

Try and find ways you can teach him to control his anger, does he ever let off steam in any sport ?

Good luck - stay strong.

Answer 4

I'm not sure there is anything you can do now. It is important to get control of your children when they are younger. I hate to be negative because I know this must be difficult for you. A child must learn to respect his parents and others at an early age. Disobeying rules is something you shouldn't take lightly. I would encourage you to continue with the therapy but it sounds like all of you should be involved in this. Maybe some parenting skills would help. Good Luck.

Answer 5

See if there is a Big Brother- Big Sister program in your area and sign them up. Your kids are shouting for attention, more than you can provide (no fault of your own). Also, have you talked to their counselor? How about family counseling, not just your kids by themselves? And consider that the counselor they are seeing just isn't very effective. Not all counselors are alike. I sympathize with you, but I feel sorry for your little guys, too, they are so helpless and angry and don't know what to do about it so they act out. It does help if they know that you know what they're struggling with, even if they don't always show it. Good luck.

Answer 6

I take it you cook for them, clean for them and wash there clothes, STOP and see how they like it. I am serious, do not buy food or anything else they say they need or want. Take the T.V out of the house too. Do not do there laundry , no phone,take it out of the house, no computer , time for some tough love and you are the one who is going to have to do it. stick to your guns it will work. when they behave then they get a meal made for them and some laundry done, if they continue to behave them you can slowly bring in the other things and then if they regress take it away again.
there dead beat dad is where??? this will work on him to if he is in the house which i hope he is not.

Answer 7

Take away all their privileges and make them earn them. Get rid of everything like internet, video games, computer (except for schoolwork or make them go to library), cable or satellite. Make them learn to appreciate those things and earn them. It really makes it difficult I'm sure that their father is not involved. Make sure they keep going to counseling. Get the younger one in counseling before he gets worse.

Answer 8

I don't believe in Bad kids--just kids that do bad. You need to get a firm grip on those boys--hard rules-- that they cannot get away with--you must be consistent in your discipline, and most of all let them know how much you love them and that you know that they are worth the effort !! Dont just tell them--show them Be the best Mom you can, It is going to be harder on you than them---

Answer 9

Sounds like they need to go to juvenille detention for about a month. Then when they figure mommy and daddy aren't playing games, they will understand .

Answer 10

please read and look up RAD on the Internet, reactive attachment disorder, it sounds a lot like it it is NOT your fault but important to get the right kind of help, the wrong kind of therapy can do a lot of damage this illness is often misdiagnosed til its almost too late. This illness is hardest on the mom, i know i have a rad, please know you are not alone, feel free to email me if you want to talk [e-mail]