Hi guys:
I need some advice here. My ex-husband disappeared 15 years ago to avoid paying child support to another country. He still lives there, is married and has 3 other kids (we have 2). I found his website first, I kept searching and now have his address and telephone number.
We also have to kids now 26 & 22. In all those years we never saw a dime, no phone call to the kids, no birthday cards and no Christmas gift. He is a grandfather by my oldest child and doesn't know it.
Should I contact him or should I leave it alone? My kids do not want any contact with him.
2007-01-26 08:04:14 · 34 answers · asked by majajarany 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
YOU SHOULD CONTACT A LAWYER IF YOU EVER TOOK HIM TO COURT HE STILL OWES YOU THAT MONEY****
2007-01-26 08:11:39 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 3⤋
You know for anyone who has never been in the same boat as you it's very easy to tell you to 'leave it alone'. Personally I think they have no right because it depends on you and only you. Having gone through a similar experience myself I can tell you that when the ex took me to court claiming he couldn't pay $165.00 for a child that I had WITH HIM but could afford to go on 3 month long winter vacations overseas every year, own a cell phone, a car and send money to his other wife (yes we were still married when he remarried) it's disgusting how some of these men think they can destroy a woman's life then move on and marry another one. And these other women are stupid enough to take them.
If you think you can live with yourself and not contact him then you should do so. But, I think you would like to do so otherwise you would not be asking. Believing that, I will tell you I think yes you should absolutely contact him but do not give the children's status to him. He does not deserve to know since he is such a jerk. You should tell him to give you back child support as you did not have to option to say 'I can't afford it so I don't think I will clothes and feed the kids this month'
Even if he doesn't give you any money (which I believe will be the case) it will at least bring it to the forefront of his mind and he will either suffer with guilt or have problems with his new wife and kids.
2007-01-26 09:14:32 · answer #2 · answered by madibazir 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If your children don't want anything to do with him, then don't contact him. It is their call on this. I know you are angry that he abandon your children, I would be too, but if you really must do something, contact an attorney and ask the attorney if you can go for back child support, even though they are grown now. You may be able to get something, and I understand that making him pay one way or another is going to feel great. Try to go legal and if you can't then let it be. As for the person who said don't dare step on the new wife's toes or his, she is so lame! She hasn't a clue as to what doing without child support does to someone,and having to raise children totally alone will do to someone. You are not being selfish, do what you need to do.
2007-01-26 08:17:32 · answer #3 · answered by Premo Mom 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If your adult children don't want any contact with their father, that is a choice you should honor. In regards to contacting him, if you do, it could be that his current family doesn't know about you and your children. On the other hand, since he is a deadbeat, non-paying supporter of his own children, I say contact him and make life miserable for him. If the courts ordered him to pay support, give the info you have on him to the courts to see if they would go after him. Some countries/states are posting deadbeat dads on the Internet. Let the world know about him not supporting his family/children.
2007-01-26 08:35:53 · answer #4 · answered by oldfireman19 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Leave this one alone. He has restarted as well as you and the Children. 15 years is enough time to forget. Let him find you if he is curious. Dragging yourself into this will bring trama to all of your joints and mind thinking. What if? Oh well! Sounds like you did the right thing doing what you needed to do to survive this long, and others supporting you also. As for childsupport, if it is just financial gain you are looking for, forget it. You would never receive it anyhow, even with a court order. Keep going in your direction, dont look back now! GL
2007-01-26 08:12:55 · answer #5 · answered by Tired of Users 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Since he has not paid child support and had no interest in being a father to your children when they were little Why would he care if he is a grandfather. He has a new family. The only way I would be contacting him is through the courts for back child support + interest. If you are not interested in the money then your children are right leave it alone.
2007-01-26 08:12:46 · answer #6 · answered by Kat G 6 · 2⤊ 1⤋
If you had a court order for child support he'll have to pay it ! And even still you can still make him pay - I'd stay low key and talk to a lawyer before you contact him if you contact him - You might could go through your lawyer for now,without contacting him - Good Luck to you - Your children and you deserve it -- These are my thoughts
2007-01-26 08:18:47 · answer #7 · answered by pattijohughes 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Let sleeping dogs lie darlin. The man wanted nothing to do with his responsibilities in the past and there is nothing to say it has changed. His actions state quite clearly that he has no compunction about leaving you high and dry, there is no reason why he wouldn't do it again.
The kids don't want anything to do with him, you haven't seen him for fifteen years. The man's actions prove that he will go to extremes (leaving the country?) to avoid you and his kids.
What is in it for him if you contact him? Nothing! So he doesn't want any connection to you or your children.
Leave the boy alone. Let sleeping dogs lie.
2007-01-26 08:15:47 · answer #8 · answered by the old dog 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Leave it alone. If you got anything from him now- your kids don't sound like they would accept it- and what would you be getting it for? For you?
Be proud that you raised the kids to adulthood by yourself. That is quite an accomplishment. I am not saying that you could not have done with the help. He should have supported you all, regardless. If your kids don't want to know their father, and you two obviously split for a reason, there is no need to have him in your lives, especially if it will be in the context of another unpleasant incident.
2007-01-26 08:14:35 · answer #9 · answered by Sweet Tooth 5 · 0⤊ 2⤋
Contact DCF and turn him in. In many states you can get back payments evn though the kids are now grown. It'll make for a nice way to let him know that the WWW isn't quite so private.
2007-01-26 08:36:35 · answer #10 · answered by Iggy 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
if the kids don't want contact what good comes from letting him know you know where he is? even in another country you can get him for back support give child support his new address and # and let them contact him.
2007-01-26 08:11:04 · answer #11 · answered by ally'smom 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋