My son was such a sweet boy before he turn 13 (5wks ago)?

Question

I'm a single mom raising a great 13yr old. We just recently (4yrs ago) went through a very tramatic divorce and my son was great throughout the whole ordeal. Since the divorce I've had 1 serious relationship (I don't belive in bring dates around my son), which my friend was unable to bond with him (they could not find common ground). Needless to say that relationship ended. Just recently I started dating my HS sweetheart. Things are pretty good between his daughter and I however have made it an effort for my son not to feel like an outsider. He has said that he doesn't mind sharing his mom because at the end of the day I'm still HIS mom. I've stated all of the previous because I am unsure if that has brought on the recent change in attitude. My son has/will come first until he is of age I will not risk his happiness for mine. It seem as if down to the second of the anniversary of his birth we began to argue and he is slowly and softly began losing his doggone mind.
HELP!!!

Answer 1

Sigh.. probably the age, the divirce, the new relationship, all of it. I have been there and feel your pain.

Do you know who Dr. Drew is? He has a show on TV that mainly deals with questions about sex but sometimes he deals with other relationship issues and a\I recently saw an episode that blew my mind. He had on a guest who was talking about teens and puberty. Did you know that when a teen is going through puberty, your phrase "losing his doggone mind" is actually right on target and completely the case? Believe it or not, teenagers' brains actually completely rewire during puberty. All of the existing connections are broken and re-established. During your teen years your brain cuts away unnecessary wiring, making your neural circuits stronger and more efficient. Your brain is maturing and preparing you for adult life so it is a use-it-or-lose-it kind of situation. What cells he is not using will be eliminated and his emotional growth can be arrested at that age. It's amazing - but when they discussed this they were adamant that as parents we udnerstand this is normal and try to keep our heads. I know it's very hard (I have 4 - 13, 11, 8, and 5 months) but I wanted you to know you're not alone and your son actually does have a biological reason for being such a little $h!T...
Also the book How to Parent Your Teen Without Losing Your Mind: Questions & Answers for Parents from Today's Experts comes highly recommended. You can find it on Amazon.

Good luck! You can do it.

Answer 2

All kids loose their mind at 13 go whit the flow mom! just be their for him and let him no how you feel. Make sure you ask him if he wants you to be involved with a man. I am a signal mom too. I have bin by my self because of my kids. I don't date I work and spend all my time with them My boy is 18 my girl is 16 I am 36. I talk with them all the time they are my best friends. I just keep them in touch with my life I never found someone that would love my kids the way I do, so I choose to be alone until they grow up. Two more years to go and counting. That is my choose, I made because I love them so much. Not telling you to do the same, But keep in mind they never ask to be borough into the world.

Answer 3

That's the age, all right -- right where the fun starts. I've raised two girls and am now raising a son (17). I swear, they girls were sweet as pie one day and hell on wheels the next -- as soon as they reached that magic age of 13! This is natural, though, so don't worry too much. Just make sure you set firm limits and stick to them. Remember that YOU are the adult, and what you say goes. There's an excellent Yahoo group that addresses these issues and more. It's called Parenting Our Teens. Here's a link:
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/ParentingOurTeens/

Answer 4

Sounds more like typical teenage hormones to me, right on cue, than anything to do with your family situation. 13 is typically when they start defining themselves and becoming a separate person, not just their mother's child. It's very stressful to be a boy one minute and a man the next, wanting to be independent and cuddled and protected all at the same time, dealing with dramatic changes in your body that you don't really understand and with feelings you've never had before. Rebellion is part of the process. It's all natural. And survivable. For both of you. Be patient, he's still your loving son underneath it all.

But don't downplay the importance of your own happiness. Protect your son, but you don't have to coddle him. You are also entitled to your own life and your own happiness. If you're not happy, you're not going to be the best Mom you can be. Trust me, boys really do understand that, maybe better than girls.

Answer 5

What kind of activities is he in? As much as possible, get him involved in activities, activities, activities - that he enjoys. It will fill his time with good experiences. That will lift his spirits in general. Make sure that he has time to squeeze in
homework - you should make sure he does a certain time every day when he just works on schoolwork. Decent grades and things that he likes... that makes a huge difference in the way a kid feels in a crowd. If your son is truly to come first with you, as you say, then you have to spend the time yourself on this stuff - drive him to and from activities and sit in on some of them with other parents. Don't just say, 'I'm so tired' (even if you are) and send him out with instructions to do a lot of things to keep him busy. Independence will come later, when he's older.
I remember when I was the kid in a family that had a temporary separation and then a permanent separation; even though I did know kids whose parents were divorced, I wanted to be a normal kid in a normal house with a normal two-parent family. It was really unsettling not to be that. I didn't care how sincere my mother was about her problems - I just wanted plain vanilla stability and envied everyone who had that. Being active, getting recognition, busy and getting good grades ---- all that goes a long way to making a kid feel that he fits in.
By the way, my brother used to lie and say we were a two-parent family - which just shows you how deeply he was hurting.

Answer 6

Dont you just love the age of puberty? Im pretty sure that even if you were in a stable marriage with his real father this would be happening. You sound like a great mother - keep doing what your doing. I wish I could say its gonna easier but he has a few years before he totally loses his mind and wont find it for another couple of years. Take Care honey.

Answer 7

well first off i like to say that it sounds like u are a very aswsome mom. but as far as your son goes he probably is bealy realizing that his mom is dating some one else besides his dad. ur son might seem like nothing wrong he might tell u he dont mind but he honestly does. just give him some time to adjust for a while. dont try topush the whole accepting this guyonhim. because from experienced i didnt like the idea of a new parent in mylife it took me awhile. but a big way to avoid a fight is to keep ur new guy that u aredating out when u and your son have amisunderstanding .

Answer 8

It's the age, not the divorce. You are clearly a good, loving mother. Just keep letting him know that he is your priority and that you love him. (Don't let him disrespect you, though!) He will look back at these years with a little grimace and a lot of appreciation.

Answer 9

he is begging to act like a teen u should be happy it means his going to a normal teen like metamorphosis



i was sweet before i was 13 to but when i turn like in the late 16 im begging to to be normal again im 17

Answer 10

Do you remember all of the changes you went thru at the same age................puberty...............
It appears he is handling it just fine but do expect changes because of his body changing. Puberty does strange things to teenagers. He will need lots of help getting thru this in a positive manner.