I am married to a wonderful woman who loves to create chaos and drama, need help?

Question

We never see each other, work overtime each week, she has huge debt (had before we were married), so why does she keep wanting to dig herself deeper into the hole? I pay for everything, send her flowers, shower her with love, affection & attention. She just constantly wants to create chaos, for example, I am paying for daycare for her children and now she says she wants to help out a friend by babysitting her 2 babies because she feels sorry for her! What about us! Our kids are in daycare, we spend little time with them but she thinks she has time to watch other people's kids for FREE?

Answer 1

This does not sound like a wonderful woman. Not unless your idea of wonderful is a train wreck.

Answer 2

It may not be the answer in Iraq, but the "cut and run" strategy would work in this situation. You said you pay for the daycare for "her kids". I assume they are not yours. If that is the case, I would be gone. She has someone picking up the tab for her, so she can do what she wants. I would stop the flowers and such, as I really don't think she appreciates it.

Does she work? Just wonder when she would have time to watch these kids. And, if she has that time, why is she not watching her kids, or working more overtime to pay off this debt she has.

Personally, I would be out of there. Nice to meet you, have a nice day, and throw up the deuce.

Answer 3

There is nothing wrong with lending a friend a hand. As long as it doesn't disrupt your family life and your quality time, then why not. I enjoy having other kids at my house, my son loves to have other kids to play with as well. I used to care of my neighbors 3 month old baby once in a while (free of charge) just so she could go out with her husband.

Friendship is not about the money, is about helping each other. You can exchange baby-sitting favors so you can go on a date with your wife without the kids.

I believe that the real issue here is that you don't have enough quality time together and you feel threatend by the possility of more time taken away from YOU. I suggest for you to plan family dates and dates with your spouse. Make sure she knows that she cannot babysit during those established days when both of you are off from work.


Good luck

Answer 4

Stop letting her manipulate you into paying for her baggage (kids) and her friends. Where is the father for the children, he should be paying for half their daycare and daily expenses.
For now though you should really talk to her about the bills. If she is working she should be paying for her debt (not you) and she should be paying for the daycare to start with. Your contribution should be what you feel comfortable with (providing a roof over their head is more than enough). If she is not willing to contribute anything I would really think about if she is worth keeping around.
Set the ultimatum now unless you enjoy being used, abused and in debt because of her. If she truly loves you and wants to be with you she'll understand. If she doesn't, she's just a user and not worthy of your love, she just wants your money.

Answer 5

This is an example of someone who is more interested in how they appear to others than being practical. This is a personality flaw, I don't know how to tell you to "fix" it, this is the person you chose, so I don't think you can really change her. It sounds like she was the typical damsel in distress that you rescued and now you have... a distressed damsel, that is her environment, what she thrives in. Maybe one of you can consider staying at home while the other works so that you're not working just to pay for daycare just so you can work, cut expenses, sell one of your cars and let her be a stay at home mom. Then she can take care of everyone's kids. Even her own. Imagine that!

Answer 6

She is not to wonderful if she only sees you as a income. Tell her no to watching other peoples kids your not running a daycare. Also if she is going to be apart of this family she should learn to take care of her own kids and help with the bills. My mother took care of four child and paid off her debt with out the help of our father or a daycare. Good Luck with your wonderful woman!

Answer 7

I would tell her how you feel.. The reslationship always has to have three things: communication, trust and respect.

Let her know that it is okay to help others, but unless you can get your home and things in order, then helping others should be secondary or the last thought in her mind.

Let her know that the relationship between you and your kids and one another, is very important and with life being busy and the struggles that you face. You need to hold that dear and nurture that, otherwise it will fall apart.

Also, let her know your stresses and that you both need to work as a team for things to work out! 50/50

Answer 8

Your wife needs to get her priorities straight. Charity begins at home. You are within your rights to be pissed. Maybe make her pay for the daycare, then she will understand what she is risking. Good luck

Answer 9

wow thats kinda rough i understand where your comming from and i understand you need help. consider marriage counsiling possibly you and her could work out your problems in a more controled envoirtment and understand each other verses at home where you could be screaming at each other and letting her/your children hear it all. its best you confront her with a more meaningfull aportch attemp getting in contact with a therpist. they go help alot and it will be easier for you to get things off your cheast knowing that she wont completly freek out on you. hope i helped

Answer 10

You have issues here hon in your marriage toooooooo many to discuss here.... Get a few sessions of counseling, and if she won't go, go alone.... best $$ you will ever spend...