A year and almost a half I have been with my 25 year old boyfriend. We have an almost live in situation with the date of March1st to make that next step official. However, just yesterday I took a pregnancy test after about a week of odd behavior from dizziness, sleeping a lot, not eating the foods I would normally eat, to eating only dairy products. I sat down with my boyfriend and told him about the issue. He was calm, until I told him that I sat on the middle of fence with either keeping this child, or having an abortion. In the past we had talked about getting an abortion as I believe most us do not think while being responsible that you are going to go through this. He proceeded to tell me not to tell his family about this situation. I wasn't fine about being told this, as it tells me the obcious, but later in the evening he was angry, emotional, yelling...telling me he doesn't trust me. He was concerned for his life only and stated over he wanted a family in like 5 years.
2007-01-26 06:42:02 · 28 answers · asked by eurazianbeauty 2 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Pregnancy
He's a college educated man, owns his own condo, makes 70k per year. While young he is not some guy who doesn't have it together, except obviously for maturity.
2007-01-26 06:42:53 · update #1
He tells me he only supports me if I get an abortion.
2007-01-26 06:43:31 · update #2
Why would you even CONSIDER listening to him?!?!? That's a CHILD, a HUMAN BEING inside of you..Not a piece of paper, You can just choose to keep, or throw away.
If he doesn't support you, Then leave him, Be on your way, And have your child and raise her.
You wouldn't be the first, Nor the last single mother. :]
And if he's that well off, After the child is born, Get support.
What a loser (him) for ONLY supporting an abortion, Maybe he should've thought about the possibility of pregnancy before he stuck his winky in you unprotected. :]
2007-01-26 06:51:21 · answer #1 · answered by ? 3 · 3⤊ 0⤋
I was in a similar situation 6 years ago, although my BF had always said he didn't want children. I wasn't very happy about this cos he said 'me or the baby' and I thought about what a good partnership we had for the previous 5 years and whether I could justify possibly bringing a baby into the world, causing a great relationship to break up and possibly hating the baby because of this. I decided regretfully to terminate the pregnancy (I do not agree with termination on social grounds; you may call me a hypocrite but I knew the date I had conceived and as I am able to perform ultrasound I could date the pregnancy extremely accurately. I therefore had a medical termination at approximately 4 weeks post conception ie before the cardiac cycle had started which was the only way I could justify this to myself). Unfortunately this is a little late for you. You need to think very carefully about this as the consequences will affect the rest of your life one way or another. I have no regrets about what I did, and the BF is now my husband of 5 years. You however are not at the state we were in and it is difficult to come to terms with living with a guy at first, let alone being pregnant as well. The trust issue that he was so mad about is pathetic, because it was not the immaculate conception. Maybe he is just nervous about the life changes a baby would bring to him. I don't know how old you are, but if he wants a family in 5 years what's the problem with bringing it forward? I wish you all the best whatever your decision and I hope maybe he has calmed down a bit by now and got his head round the situation.
2007-01-26 07:05:24 · answer #2 · answered by ratbag 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Here's my take on the situation and I'm terribly sorry if this comes off sounding rude.
As far as he's concerned, he's an a$$ plain and simple, immature and self absorbed. The baby is better off without him...true the baby MIGHT have more stuff in a household bringing in 70K a year...but if that baby's in a house where s/he isn't wanted all the "stuff" in the world won't help.
If you would seriously consider getting an abortion simply to apease him and to keep yourself "almost living together" with him (from what I read into the question, based on the fact that he brings in 70K a year) the baby is better off without you as well. However abortion is monumentally unfair to a baby that did absolutely nothing wrong. Abortion as a form of birth control is beyond sickening.
Talk to Mr. wonderful about the possibility of continuing the pregnancy but adopting the baby out once s/he's born. Nobody's committed murder, the baby winds up in a loving home where they're wanted and you guys have zero responsibility after baby's born so you can continue to do whatever it is you do for the next 5 years till you figure you're ready for kids.
This came off sounding a whole lot worse than it was originally intended to. But as a woman who is part of a couple "on the waiting list" to adopt a baby, it just really pains me to see the lack of concern a lot of people have over human life nowadays.
Whatever you decide I really do wish you happiness, and wish you well.
2007-01-26 07:26:48 · answer #3 · answered by gords_babygirl 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Its your body and your choice and if you keep the baby, which i think should be the only choice, and he doesnt want to be around then screw him. No matter what your child comes first! He will have to support it no matter what, so he can be apart of its life or just pay you every month eaither way that child deserves a chance. My bestfriend, now 25, had an abortion when she was 13 because her boyfriend was 19 and her parents said that is she didnt get an abortion then he was going to jail. Even though she was way to young to have a baby she still feels an emense amount of guilt about it. She now has two little boys and she says that she sometimes just thinks about the baby and how old it would be and shell just cry because she feels like she chose that guy over the baby, and this is 12 years later. You really really need to think about this before you make a decison
2007-01-26 07:05:59 · answer #4 · answered by Angel 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
While I am against abortion, you two had talked in the past about what you would do if this situation were to arise, so its somewhat understandable that he's reacted this way.
It's also understandable that now that you're pregnant you feel differently about keeping the baby. Plus, when you two had that original talk about abortion you may not have been as committed as you are now that you've been together so long.
I guess in my opinion you have 3 choices:
#1 Keep the baby, lose the guy (as for his "support" you'll get it financially if nothing else)
#2 Abort the baby, keep the guy...but how will you feel in 5 years when he's finally ready to have a baby with you and you will have known that for the last 5 years you could have had that kid and provided for it.
#3 Abort the baby, abort the guy--now that you've learned A LOT about his character, who wants him with or without a baby?
2007-01-26 06:57:54 · answer #5 · answered by Heather Y 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
It is your body and ironically your baby. I would tell him to suck it up and deal. Especially if you want the baby. Obviously I believe that every child has the right to live and that adoption is a better decision because there are so many women who want babies and can't conceive them. Tough situation I guess the answer is in your heart. Don't let him boss you around if he is college educated he know that there is pretty much always a chance of pregnancy. Also it sounds like he could use some anger managment classes. Good luck you will do what is right for you. Remember your baby now has a heart beat and a face forming.
2007-01-26 06:52:11 · answer #6 · answered by fuzzyfontaine 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Abortions are for pregnancies as result of rape, for the extremely young and I mean under 15, and for sever genetic deformities. When i found out i was pregnant my mother asked me if i was aware of all my options and I decied to keep it (19 weeks along right now) I am old enought to be responsible for the consequences of my actions. And as for you boyfriend, he is having a hard time comprehending what is happening right now. Mine still is too. He threw up he was so nervous when I told him and still is very worried and has a lot of anxiety about being a father. BUT he is excited and very happy, now and then we'll get in a really big fight and wonder if we are making the right decision, but we love eachother and everytime we think about it we are amazed, THERE IS A LIFE THAT WE CREATED LIVING AND GROWING INSIDE ME, IT IS A PART OF BOTH OF US!!! oh, and when he says anything about wanting a family in 5 years, justtell him it's bad timing NOT a mistake. A CHILD IS NEVER A MISTAKE!
2007-01-26 07:01:01 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I would sit down and talk about it calmly. Listen to him, but know that the final decision lies with you. Do you want to keep this child? If so, tell him you've made your decision.
Now he must make his. You have to prepare yourself for the possibility that he may leave. Obviously he would still be legally responsible for helping to support the child.
And although some people think that its wrong to expect him to support it if he doesn't want it-you have been in a relationship with him for well over a year. Anytime there is intimacy, there is a chance of pregnancy.
It sounds like you want this child-good for you. Don't let anyone talk you into making a choice you may regret.
2007-01-26 06:57:03 · answer #8 · answered by redhead77 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You will have huge regrets and guilt if you get an abortion. especailly later when you want to start a family.
You are obviously in a less than ideal situation. Obviously he needs to mature up, especially now. Its a shock for both of you, take some time to get used to the situation and let him do that too. Then do what is best for the baby.
Having a baby is the experience of a lifetime, and the baby deserves to have all the love and attention it can get.
2007-01-26 06:54:36 · answer #9 · answered by G's Random Thoughts 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
No matter what... leave him. You are seriously doing yourself a disservice if you stay with him. Life is never easy with a baby, but millions and millions of women do it. It is hard. BUT ask any woman with a baby is it worth it and the answer is always yes. If you are pregnant then that baby deserves to be here. You obviously are not as selfish as your boyfriend. I wouldn't have a single expectation out of him except child support. Lean on people who care about YOU. Life can be tough and not always the way we chose for it to be. I am a firm believer that God knows what we can handle. Once you have that baby he may come around and want to be a part of the baby's life and your baby would benefit by giving him that chance but that doesn't mean you have to be with an unsupporting spouse.
2007-01-26 06:57:30 · answer #10 · answered by 2hpy4wds 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋