My husband is 14 yrs older than me and i am 24 going on 25.My hubby finds it strange and we have weird moments because i am his younger brothers age.I am also only 8 yrs older than his daughter from a previous marriage.He finds it strange to think when i was newborn he was a freshman in highschool.It can also get strange when his brother and i talk because he feels i regress maturity wise.We love each other very much but i sense the age difference bothers him sometime?He loves it though when people at work comment that he got himself a trophy wife.When we met he was my bosses boss and we still work for the same company.I dont understand why he feels this way when around different people?
2007-01-26 06:41:46 · 25 answers · asked by Melrose G 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
We have not been married even a year should i be worried?
2007-01-26 06:43:47 · update #1
He sounds insecure!
2007-01-26 06:46:47 · answer #1 · answered by Gerry 7 · 3⤊ 2⤋
Melrose it sounds like some good relationship counseling may be in need to repair this relationship. He married you so was well aware of the age difference at that time. Certainly there will be plenty of differences as you both grew up in different generations, but you can both learn from each other this way also. I'm certain that your younger friends must feel some discomfort around your husband also. But do not settle for being a trophy wife and try and repair this marriage. As for acting younger while around his brother that is only natural, and once again it probably was the same prior to walking down the aisle. Best of luck and again I would suggest you and your husband attending for some form of couples counseling.
2007-01-26 14:55:54 · answer #2 · answered by crazylegs 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well first off I have had some first hand experience with this so I think I can help. I have dated several guys that are older than me. The relationships that lasted the longest were the one's that we never talked about our age difference, we were both aware of it, but it wasn't important enough to make an issue out of it. We were both fine with where we were in life and we weren't going to worry about something as silly as a number. Also I have been in a couple of relationships that all he could talk about was my age. I couldn't stand to even be around him, by the end. He would say things like, "I can't believe I bagged a younger chick... my buddies are jealous of me... I have a trophy girl!" I just knew that he was only conserned about what it looked like to other people and he wasn't even focused on wheather we had anything in common or not. I completely understand that you probably "LOVE" him which is completely fine but just know that if this relationship is build on things of the flesh that all physical things fade.
2007-01-26 15:01:17 · answer #3 · answered by kssunflower 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
it really depends..on the couple.. 14 years is alot but ive seen alot worse age gaps.. Most people dont usually start fully maturing till their atleast 30 but usually its closer to 40.. which he's right about there, and u have atleast 5 years to go to hit the low end of that.. so it depends, did he marry u cause u were the "trophy" or did he marry u because of who u are on the inside.. do u have alot in common.. like to do the same things, hang out with the same people.. do u think he's embarrassed of your immaturity?
If u both click and mesh well together then age wont matter..but if your not meshing well, there could come a point that he starts feeling more like a father figure to u then a spouse..and treating u like ur a child..
My sister loved her first husband.. she met him when she was 18, they married when she was 21 and he was 21 years older then she was..they lasted about 5 years till they realized he was becoming an old man that was set in his ways and wanted to be a home body, and she was young and wanted to go do things that the young people her age were doing..and my sister has always been older beyonder her years..she's always hung out with adults even when she was a kid..she just never could relate to kids her age.. but she wanted to see the world and do things, not just sit at home and get old...and he had done all that before..and he was ready to just settle down..
Now shes married to a man thats 11 years older then her.. she's 39 he's 50.. he has a daughter from a previous marriage..she has no children of her own.. they talked about having one together, but he told her when they got more financially stable they would she waited 6 years before he finally said he was to old to start over again, but she decided to give up her dreams of having a family to be with him..
For the most part they jive well together, only one problem his daughter..my sister resents his daughter with a passion, she trys to excuse her actions but , his daughter is your typical teenage girl (she'll be 18 next month) but he gives her the world and my sister cant stand it.. shes not a misbehaved girl.. but my sister cant understand alot of things he does for his daughter cause she doesnt know what its like to be a parent herself.. and when push comes to shove his daughter will win...but he does try to appease my sister for the most part not to rock the boat...but u can tell he's growing tired of it..
So it just depends on the people, and the situation at hand.. every marriage is going to have their obsticles.. its how u handle the obsticles that make or break ur marriage..
2007-01-26 15:03:08 · answer #4 · answered by brwneyedgrl 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's nothing to worry about. Just make sure that when your around other people that you don't ignore him, he's just feeling a bit insecure. More than likely you do act younger when your with his brother...that would only be natural, just remember your married to him and he needs a little more attention to make him feel better. (It sounds like he might be a bit jealous when he sees you and his brother talk.) You need to sit down and talk to him about his feelings and let him know that you love him and thats all there is to it...it isn't like he didn't know how young you were so now that your married is not the time for him to start feeling strange about the age difference.
2007-01-26 14:51:24 · answer #5 · answered by little_chipmunk 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
He sounds a little insecure to me. And, while no one here can really say for certain, I do think you have cause for concern. Fourteen years really isn't that bad of an age difference seeing that you are in your mid-twenties.
He loves having a trophy wife when he is with his buddies at work, but at home, he wants an older, more mature woman...hmmm. 'Can't have it both ways.
I think you two should have a serious discussion. IMO, the age difference really shouldn't even be an issue. He should be delighted to have married a younger woman, but in all other respects, it really shouldn't matter. It certainly shouldn't be a cause for having "weird" moments.
2007-01-26 16:01:19 · answer #6 · answered by Leroy 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hmm...
A 10-11 year age difference would be my age limit(which is common in my family and with people I know).
If 14 years works for you and your husband, and if you both have a great marriage and truly love each other, then that's all that matters; however, does this affect his daughter in any way? Is she okay with it?
If so, then what's the problem? My grandparents have an elderly friend who married a woman 20 years older than him. So did Randy Travis.
2007-01-26 14:54:32 · answer #7 · answered by ? 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He should have thought about those implications before you got married. It sounds to me you are pretty mature. My husband is only a year older than me and sometimes I wish he was a little older just to make me feel a little younger!
He needs to accept you for who you are and appreciate that you can have a relationship with his brother. Maybe he feels intimidated by your youth that you might stray if YOU think HE is too "old"?? He can't have it both ways - the trophy wife AND the "old lady" who sits at home that no one will ever be interested in!
2007-01-26 14:50:03 · answer #8 · answered by Tink 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
No, don't worry. In the long run, he will look back on this and say wow, I made a great decision! He got himself something more than a hot young trophy wife though. You've got a good heart. Sound fairly intelligent, and have kept your job even though you married the supervisors boss. That indicates a great work ethic! Dang girl, from where I sit, you have it all! And he has you! Nothing to complain about on his end for sure!
2007-01-26 14:55:33 · answer #9 · answered by delux_version 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I am on the reverse of this. My husband is 12yrs younger. At times it has been difficult. What I have learned is that I have to respect the point in his life that he is at without compromising the place I am at. You both have to constantly find a common ground to stand on. You will not have everything in common and you will not like all of the same things but you can teach other so much along the way. Changing what you think or believe or expecting him to change only causes anger and resentment. Value what brought you together in the first place and let your husband sort through his own insecurities. It is a natural part of finding a solid mutual ground you both feel equal on.
2007-01-26 14:53:38 · answer #10 · answered by Michele M 1 · 2⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like he might b a bit jealous even if u go to a childs level to play with a child it isn't wrong n just becuz u get along with his brother it doesn't mean u r immature either it means u r a person n your hubby needs to learn that this is u .U should just ask him if it bothers him n tell him what u r asking here.Communication is something that every relationship needs and if not addressed things can get bad so talk to him about u would be amazed what u will find out when u ask certain questions.Good luck n hope it all works out.
2007-01-26 14:55:23 · answer #11 · answered by too4barbie 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋