Troubled Pregnancy?

Question

Okay, I know that I wrote about the baby that I'm pregnant with now. But I would also like some advise on moving on from my first pregnancy. See, I had my daughter on Christmas of 2005 at 8:26am. (Some present to open huh?) But she passed away from SIDS on February 2 2006. This is why I wasnt looking to forward to getting pregnant too soon. Im estatic about this new baby and can't wait to start loving him/her, but I don't want to make the mistake of forgetting my daughter with this 'replacement'. As silly and cruel as that may sound I don't mean it in any way what so ever. Im also worried about doing anything that would trigger what happened to Serenity(my daughter) to this new baby since the exact cause of SIDS is unclear. This is driving me insane and I find myself no able to enjoy the simple pleasures of pregnacy. Can anyone offer advise BESIDES counseling? Im sorry but that doesn't help me at all, only irritates.Thanks to anyone who responds

hello everyone! thank you so much for the advise! i actually go to the hosptial tomorrow for an ultrasound to see how far along I am! I am so happy! I promise to update you all! ^_^ Thanks again

Answer 1

This new baby will never replace the baby you lost and you will have room in your heart to love the new baby as much as you would any child you have no matter what has happened in the past. I wish you much love and remember what has happened is unknown and is not your fault. Your baby was a sweet little angel baby that came to earth and returned to heaven. You will always love and remember her. Things happen for a reason and it is hard to understand why our children are taken before they have a chance to grow up. We must keep our faith and believe everything will be fine with the birth of your new baby. Enjoy your pregnancy and don't stress about what has past, it is better if you can move forward now.

Answer 2

I am so very sorry for your loss. My heart goes out to you. I sort of know what you are feeling. I had a miscarriage at 8 weeks my first pregnancy. I know it was really early, but it was still devistating to me. It took me 9 months to conceive again and when I did I was so afraid to share my joy with anyone. Although a few close friends and family members knew, I didn't make it public knowledge of my pregnancy until I was through my first tri-mester. It was really depressing for me because I feel like I missed out on some of the joy of my pregnancy. I am 8 weeks pregnant again and although trying to stay positive, there is a part of me that is nervous. I'm just trying to overcome that and tell myself everything is okay and until I have a reason to worry, I'm not going to.

As far as replacing your daughter, well try to think of things this way, if Serenity was still alive, this baby you are pregnant with would not take her place, so it will not take your memory of her either. She will always have a special place in your heart and you will never forget her. Don't worry what others will think. I can't imagine anyone thinking you are trying to replace Serenity.

I understand your fears. My daughter is 19 months and I still worry about SIDS. The only things that I have heard that can prevent against sids are:

1) Have your baby sleep on their back only.
2) Don't allow the baby around any second hand smoke. Don't smoke in the house or the car that the baby will travel in either.
3) Let the baby sleep with a pacifier. The sucking prevents them from going into that really deep sleep.

If you don't want to go to counseling, have you thought about a support group? I'm sure there are support groups for parents who have lost their children. I don't think you ever fully recover or get over the loss of a child, but it might help to learn to cope with your grief and feelings from those who know exactly what you are going through.

God Bless You. I wish you a safe and healthy pregnancy, delivery and baby.

Answer 3

Commiserations on your loss. SIDS is very rare and is generally of uncertain cause. It is extremely unlikely to occur a second time in your family, however your antenatal notes for this current pregnancy should acknowledge your previous daughter's death. You could ask for an apnoea monitor when this baby is born, but they are not 100% accurate. Sometimes babies simply forget how to breathe, especially if they are premature. I'm sure you know the basics of new mattress, don't keep too warm/too tightly swaddled, put to sleep with their feet touching the bottom of the cot, lying on their back, temperature gauge in the cot, don't have anyone who smokes go near the baby, don't take it into bed with you or go to sleep with it on the sofa etc especially if you have been drinking alcohol. All the best with this pregnancy and I hope you have a healthy happy baby.

Answer 4

I'm so sorry for your loss. This baby is not going to 'replace' your daughter. This is a new life... completely separate.

It's still very recent since the loss of your baby girl... it makes sense that you're having a hard time becoming connected to this pregnancy. This is a different baby... try to always tell yourself that, and experience everything with a new slate.

I think all you can do is become educated about SIDS (which I'm sure you are now)

Answer 5

What a beautiful name that you picked out for your daughter and I am deeply sorry for your loss. The good news is that Sids is a freakish incident and it doesn't occur usually with subsiquent babies. If there is smoke in your home please stop as I understand it that does contribute to the possibility of SIDS.
http://www.sidsfamilies.com/ I looked and found this website for you.

Again I am so sorry to hear about your loss. I doubt that any child would replace another child as each person has a special for place for all of their children in their heart.

Good luck and congrats on your current pregnancy. I know that you will love both your babies equally.

Answer 6

First you can't think of this baby as a replacment for you first child, or you will have a lot of problems emotionally. It sounds like you are still grieving the loss of your daughter and that you have not accepted her death yet. I think that before you can enjoy this pregnancy you need to finish greiving for your daughter, which is not an easy thing and not necessarily something that you can rush. I am truly sorry for your loss and i hope that you are able to finish greiving and can move on but never forget. My thoughts and prayers are with you.

Answer 7

I am sorry for your lose.

It is going to be hard to move on. And I do not believe that once this new baby comes that you will forget about her.

Only time heals.

Be happy that you've been blessed with another baby.

There is nothing anyone can say or do taht will ease your mind. In the back of your mind you will always be concerned with the new baby and SIDS.
Maybe this website can help ease your mind with the new baby...

http://www.keepkidshealthy.com/newborn/newbornquicktips/prevent_SIDS.html

maybe you can give the new baby the first baby name as the new babys middle name.

Answer 8

i would first like to say i am sooo sorry for your loss.God and time heals all wounds.I know to others this may sound lame but you could start a scrapbook for your upcoming baby about his sister.you can add pictures,cards,messages from you and family etc.unfortunately your baby will never get to know their sister.make a book for him that will allow him to know how special she was.it can be a way of healing.and never think that you can replace your daughter.she will always hold a special place in your heart.and though she was on this earth a short while to bless you and your family you can never forget her.and what happened to your daughter wont happen again.your angel in heaven is watching and protecting her lil brother.stay blessed and encouraged.

Answer 9

LIES .. you many times dont even locate out you're pregnant til you have a neglected era, by no skill a similar week, and NO way will intercourse crush the infant decrease than stress ... shes attempting to get you to be along with her or seize you into staying along with her .. circulate away THAT loopy CHICK on my own!!

Answer 10

I honestly dont know what to say, but i'm very sorry for your loss! i cant even imagine what you must have gone through. I hope and pray that your pregnancy and after goes wonderfully.