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What happened to the olden days?
They disappear as children miss behave
A wooden stick that would put them in place
Now the government fired them away

The loving family turns into a loved child
A dream turned into a locked up father,
Now the days are bitter and cold
We wash away our children’s souls

What happened to the independent?
They run around to men like there a slave in hamlet
The working age to crack and cocaine
The parents then wash out and take the pain

What about the modest dress
Did u know above the ankles was a prostitute or slave to the press
A flash around of human flesh will burn away with men’s obsess
Let alone the dying age of those of skunk and weed of plague
They rote alone with a horrible pain

What changed about those men?
They scurry round dumb and dim
Not a tiny good piece of mind
A disgrace to human kind

What captured the hit and run?
Thanks to the rappers who showed the kid the gun
The song of drugs and following troops
Gangsters are just people with there head in a loop

Where’s that good path that flew away?
Without guidance we lead astray
A good talk to …then every thinks ok
But not even the toddlers listen now
There already with the game

Where is peace? The light on earth
Wars and attacks
Watch families burn
A shot in the head of the new born
The father cries as he dies throat left chained with a saw

What was the cry the rip and cut?
It was from the teen that was confused and felt unloved
Where is she standing … alone in the world time to take action and change this earth

2007-01-26 06:08:28 · 13 answers · asked by Anonymous in Beauty & Style Fashion & Accessories

13 answers

yeah its pretty good

2007-01-26 06:14:01 · answer #1 · answered by sweetheartstoss25 1 · 0 0

I don't really know if you want us to comment on the poem content or the structure of it. I think the structure gets lost after the first stanza. You should keep the rhyme scheme and tempo more consistent if that's what you are going for.
Regarding the content, I happen to view it as a bit stubborn and biased. But they are your views and that's what the point of a poem is: to express your views and beliefs. Any poem that does that, whether people react to it possitively or negatively, is a good poem. Poems are meant to provoke emotion and thought and that's what yours does.
So, I'd give you a B-. Not bad, but spelling and grammatical errors along with the inconsistency deducted some points.

2007-01-26 14:30:30 · answer #2 · answered by Xindy 4 · 0 0

It's pretty good. I would recommend spell-check then enter it in a contest. You could always check out poetry.com thehy have opportunities to win lots of money and then your poem will have a copyright too!

2007-01-26 14:26:04 · answer #3 · answered by ♥Karoline♥ 2 · 0 0

It has the potential to be good. However, the spelling mistakes, vague topic, odd line breaks and a general skipping from one thing to another keep this poem from achieving its full potential.

2007-01-26 14:20:31 · answer #4 · answered by JENN K 2 · 2 0

It is a good effort but my friend the topic or context seems very vague......no particular subject you are targetting......and next time make sure you give a catchy title.....all d best

2007-01-26 14:15:26 · answer #5 · answered by Iris 1 · 0 0

Sorry, not very good. Lacking deep meaning or emotion or magic of words.

2007-01-26 14:15:51 · answer #6 · answered by seek_fulfill 4 · 1 0

wow, i liked that alot, that is really good, trust me, i like writing too, and i love reading other people writing, if you ever need another opinion here is my e-mail heartbreakersrp@yahoo.com

liked the poem alot

2007-01-26 14:32:17 · answer #7 · answered by JUSTAGIRL 2 · 0 0

Shows talent, some wonderful lines. But please take some advice....no matter how good you are, no one will read your stuff if you spell incorrectly and use wrong grammar.

2007-01-26 14:17:04 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0 0

I didn't like it. sorry. it didn't really have feel and emotion in it. it kinda just felt like words, rambling on. Sorry

2007-01-26 14:26:31 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0 0

Yeah, it is pretty good! but there is room for improvement.

2007-01-26 14:25:21 · answer #10 · answered by Ldy Bug 3 · 0 0

Don't quit your day job.

2007-01-26 14:18:05 · answer #11 · answered by notyou311 7 · 0 0

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