How do I get my husband to stop wanting videogames?

Question

He gave them up about a month ago to save our marriage. I cant stand them in the first place, but when it became a pattern of him coming home, giving me a kiss, sitting down and picking up the controller, I had enough. He whines about not being able to relax the way he wants to but when we were dating and engaged the way he relaxed was cleaning. Of course now that we're married, there's no such thing as "cleaning" anymore, all he has to make him relax from 'a hard day at a shoe store' is video games. Not talking to me, playing with our dogs... Im glad he gave them up, Im sure he gets his fixes when Im not around, but why the whining? He makes me think the marriage isnt worth it.

How about this. I've tried to sit down and play with him, he gets angry and impatent. HE GAVE THEM UP ON HIS OWN. That was his compromise with me. I wouldnt spent hours at my family's house if he wouldnt spend hours with video games. He sold his console on his own, and gave his games to his firends. I want to know why he still whines like I made him do it. It makes me think HE doesnt think the marriage is worth it.

Answer 1

Well, all I can say is just be glad that he's home with you and not out at the bar. That's what my friends tell me and it took me a long time to realize they were right. Sure, playing video games isn't fun for you at all, but he enjoys them. Don't ask him to give them up completely, just ask him if he'll only play for like an hour or two while you make dinner and then he needs to stay off the rest of the night and be with you. My husband is the same way, he'll come home and take all his stuff off right by the door, take a shower and then plop on the couch. When I ask him for help he tells me that he worked all day and just wants to relax. When I was unemployed, I didn't mind so much because I understood. Now that I'm working too, I expect equal treatment and I expect him to eat dinner with me and then spend the evening watching our shows together. You know what, he does. He doesn't argue with me because he loves me and he knows I'm right. How long have you been married? My husband and I just hit our year mark. If it's early in your marriage, give him some time. He needs to adjust to married life. It isn't as easy for a man where its just virtually automatic for us. If he loves you and wants to be with you, he'll cut his gaming time down. Marriage IS worth it but it's compromise. He needs to work WITH you, not against you. If he fights with you about it then leave and stay with a girlfriend for a couple days and he'll realize that having your warm, soft body next to him at night is much better than a cold, hard plastic controller.

Answer 2

Really? Is it the actual video games themselves? Or the fact that he isn't spending time with you?

You tell Al Bundy over there that he needs to spend time with you and give you a little attention from time to time. I mean, I think that's really the gist of the problem here. Not so much the video games. I just think he resents the fact that you are telling him what to do. Marriage is a lot about compromise, as you well know. But railroading somebody into, or in this case, out of something, is well, detrimental to a healthy relationship.

Honestly, my wife does the same thing. So what I've done is made sure that I spend time with her when I get home. I help her cook dinner, do some chores, etc. Then we watch some of our favorite shows together, then if I really feel like i need to play (and I'm gonna brag here) my Wii, Xbox360, OR PS3....I'll play them for a few hours and then go to bed.

I think you're just at that stage in a marriage where things seem to have slowed down between you too. But trust me, it comes and goes in cycles. Just give it a little time. And if push comes to shove, talk to him, let him know what the real problem is. And if that doesn't work....counseling...followed by separation. But here's to hoping that it will never come down to that.

Good luck!

Answer 3

Because video games ARE relaxing. I play a video game every night for a couple of hours - more on the weekends. I don't do it to the exclusion of everything else, but I do like to not have to come home and "invent" something to do - it's right there; there's nothing wrong with a moderate amount of mindless entertainment. My husband has no problem with it, sometimes he plays with me, but more often than not he is busy with his own stuff. I don't know if your husband is so addicted that he is dysfunctional - or if you're over-reacting. I've seen people who can barely do anything else because all they do is play videogames; but most of my friends simply enjoy playing, and like to log on for an hour or two every night. I don't see much harm in that.

He's whining because he's going through withdrawals. I would be whining too. Just be patient, and show him how to have fun outside the video game world. Good luck.

Answer 4

10

Answer 5

You actually sound controlling and abusive the way that comes off.
Granted, there should be good communication and he should do more than give you a peck on the cheek and do his thing.
I think a compromise is needed. Sit down, talk to him for a while. If he wants to spend an hour or so in the evening playing a game, so be it. I am sure you also have things you would like to do as well.
If there is a lack of communication, it is not the fault of the games, or dogs, or anything else. Work on that first, and the rest will work out.
See a counsellor if you need to as well.

Answer 6

Let me guess, you probably have the attitude that he needs to grow up in many areas of life. My wife is just like you. I'm 27 and I still like to play video games. You know why? They don't complain, they don't nag, and even if you suck at them, you can set the difficultly low enough that you can always win! You are selfish...why not pick up the controller and play with him??? Would that be so hard??

I'm sure you love each other very much...compromise or get a divorce and quit being miserable.

Edit: After your additional info...if you have tried to play with him, then maybe he should have more patience for you. I know my wife tried a few times, and became frustrated herself, but I was always just happy that she was playing. She then stopped. It's a tough situation...especially if he is holding a grudge, that is not healthy for a relationship.

Answer 7

I thought MY wife was bad because she wanted me to give up my MySpace page; THANK GOD I'm not married to you!! At least I can see my wife's point of view; MySpace has the ability to ruin marriages depending on if the guy meets a new girl (which didn't happen in my case). But a VIDEO GAME???? What's Mario gonna do, come out of the screen and get your hubby drunk so he'll hook up with Princess Toadstool?

In related news, Lara Croft (Tomb Raider) is not a real person, and neither are the girls of Dead Or Alive: Extreme Beach Volleyball.

In conclusion, do him a favor and leave him, so he can find someone better than you. Thank you in advance:)

Answer 8

Video games can be very addicting. I'm probably addicted to them too and I have to fight myself from falling into that scenario that you just described.

What works for me is a good distraction. Do something together whether its watching a movie, playing a board game or getting intimate (I know no man who will play a video game when he can do this).

Another thing that works for me is allowing myself a certain number of hours each night to play. That assumes that there is nothing else going on, like the above-mentioned activities. When there really is nothing else going on, I'll limit it to 2 hours. Have him keep track of time, he'll probably be surprised (and in denial) about how much time he really spends doing it.

Answer 9

my husband is a ps3 addict, the worst thing i can wake up to is him playing video games all night long and even missing work for it. i made it very clear to him that this machine is jeoprodizing our relationship, and i wouldn't mind if he played it 2 or even three hours aday. but not 12 hours!!! thank god...ps3 games are quiet expensive, otherwise he would be full throttle on it. im sorry this may not seem like an answer. . but i wouldn't walk out of marriage because of it..what i will do is get him more involved and busy with other matters that involves both of us.

Answer 10

Do not completely take the video games away from him but let him play them at times just work together with him to have him learn how to control them better. Play the games with him since he likes to do that and love him where he is at. What do you like to do and ask him to do fun stuff with you. Have him clean with you at times like maybe one day a week. Do not nag him ask him nicely and offer to play video games with him if he spends time with you cleaning. Hope this helps some.