Divorce without killing your soon to be ex?

Question

I'm on year 3 of trying to get a divorce. I've had to hire an attorney and go through mediation. My soon to be ex treats our children like bargaining chips. He quit a great job and no longer carries medical insurance on the kids. I have to carry the insurance. I had to get a support order for him to pay child support. He just keeps finding ways to keep the divorce from happening.
I figured he would want it over quickly because he is engaged to the woman he left me for. How do I get through this without killing him? Not that I'd really do that, but you know what I mean.

Answer 1

I don't know what to tell you other than keep your chin up and keep plugging away. He's bound and determined to be spiteful, and it may take a while before he gets it out of his system, if ever. I really feel sorry for the kids, so make sure you spend a lot of extra time and love on them.

Answer 2

U just keep going his job nor lack of child support shouldnt hold u back from getting the divorce, if he quit his job intentionally, u can let the courts know this, and because this is a game that is commonly played..the judge usually will want to see a W2 or pay stub of the Job he quit because that shows the cabability to earn that much..

As far as u having the kids covered , u can request..that if u have to have the kids on ur policy that he has to pay not only half of the premiums, but also half of all co-pays..

Then u have it to where he has to pay you through the courts and not directly to u..that way when he doesnt pay they go after him, and u dont have to try and come up with more money to take him back to court every time he decides not to pay..

He's trying to use the kids as baragining chips because thats all he has that can work on ur emotions..dont let him.. u stay ur course, dont cower to him..and u do everything possible to protect the well being of your childeren ..

Good luck..

Answer 3

I wouldn't take him serious to be honest. I had a b/f some 20 years ago who pulled that number. He went into the bathroom with a knife and towel and sat on the loo moping. I went after him and told him to commit suicide outside because I don't want the mess in the apartment (basically called his bluff). Needless to say he never did. It's emotional blackmail. If he really wanted to commit suicide, he'd have done it already. If you really are concerned that he's going to do it, then tell him that you intend to call the police within the next minute to stop him from doing something stupid. See if that doesn't cure his act really quickly. I'm sure he won't like having the cops come around and be forced to spend a night at the hospital... and get a record of the event. Sounds like a load of BS to me.

Answer 4

How difficult this must be for you. It took 8 months for my divorce and I thought that was a long time. What does your attorney say?

I would at least keep a record of every move, every conversation, every incident with your children, etc., just to help better your case. If and when this goes to court, the judge may hopefully grant you your divorce.

I would maybe try other attorneys also to see what opinions they may have. Their has to be an end to this somehow.

I greatly feel for you.

Answer 5

Make a point of telling your attorney that you want this marriage over and done with and tell your soon to be ex the same thing . You are sick of this going on and on . You should have this thing already done with after 3 yrs . If nothing else helps hire another attorney and get it done with . good luck to you.

Answer 6

Stop talking to the guy.

You are married to an immature idiot. I had an ex that did all he could to slow things down. Asked for counseling (then basically turned into a butt)...then constantly tried to talk not to fix things but to try to get me to say it was me. UGGGGGh!

Make the lawyer do the talking. End all conversations. Send only emails. It is so unfortunate for the kids..but this crap you are dealing with is worse. Using them as bargaining chips is so pathetic. Maybe you should have the chips placed in your favor.

As for the engaged woman...well, he probably isn't dying to remarry. He is just stringing her along.

Best bet...treat him like a business transaction. No matter what. Just get it over with. Act like you are buying hoisery. Hard to imagine but I am trying to make it as unemotional as possible for you.

Also, legally mention this to the mediator and the lawyer. If he is slowing things down in this manner, you have legal rights. Maybe he is being slow to help with his taxes?

Worse case scenario...make it financially beneficial to him to end things now. For every month that he slows things down...make him pay. I am the nice one here. I don't know how to make it painful...but take his lead. Whatever he is draggin his feet on...figure it out, then use it against him.

People do what they have to do when it gets uncomfortable for them. Figure out why he wants things to be slow.

Answer 7

Hang in there, It's a waiting game now. I COMPLETLY understand how you feel, but even after the divorce, it won't be over, then it will be the visitation arguments and so on and so forth.

I'm so glad that my ex-h lives out of state and even so I can't stand his guts. Despite my determination to remain civil, he just continues dissapointiing, lying, blackstabbing and dragging his feet. He has brought me to the point that I don't even want to talk to him anymore.

The only advice that I can give you is not to lose your cool and wait, it should be over soon and to limit the contact to the minimum so you don't get all of yoru emotions mixed up again.

Good luck

Answer 8

Unfortunately it sounds like you are doing all that you can do... Sounds like he doesn't want the responsibility of being a father or husband, but doesn't want to let go either. I would go to my attorney and tell him exactly what you've said here. Ask him to do his job, and to speed this up and tie up loose ends so you can move on with your life. Sounds like the attorney is dropping the ball on this. Good luck.

Answer 9

Speaking from experience here....no divorce can ever be final until BOTH SIDES agree on everything. Sounds like he will never agree with you about anything, just like my EX. Its been 3yrs here and my lawyer says that until my ex starts to get along and talk about things, and quits avoiding us, it will go on forever. Don't you wish you knew how hard it was to get rid of them BEFORE you married them?????? I think if it were just as hard to marry them, a lot less divorces would be in the court system. Good Luck!

Answer 10

How long ago did you file? If it was 3 years ago or even 2 years ago the divorce should be concluded. Ask your lawyer what can be done to get the case set for trial and over with.