My husband and I are both neat freaks. We live alone in a large home (our daughter moved out this summer to attend college). Anyone that comes over to our home says it is beautiful and SPOTLESS. It really is clean. I cook supper every night and clean the kitchen and do laundry and keep things neat through the week. My husband is off every other Friday and almost always calls me and say, "We have to clean this house this weekend." I know that he grew up poor and that his home was messy as a child. But we both have good jobs and a lot of luxuries and live a very nice life now. We have been together 16 years and I have a lot to be thankful for, BUT this little habit just drives me insane. Today he called and said, "We have to clean this filthy house.". I am easy going and all but boy does his attitude really tick me off. I am not the arguing type.
What would you do?
And just FYI I asked in this section because these are the people who's opinions I value!
2007-01-26 05:17:57 · 15 answers · asked by Anonymous in Society & Culture ➔ Cultures & Groups ➔ Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, and Transgender
It sounds to me like a little overcorrection lingering from childhood! At least you both are on the same page.
I can relate on a different level. I grew up with relatively little in the way of material things. After years of hard work, my husband and I have managed to settle into a very comfortable life with a lot of disposable money.
However, I still have to keep a certain amount of money in our checking account. Its rediculous, I know, to go crazy when I dip below the threshold I apparantly set. And I still have more than enough money for the things we want and need. The money is doing me no good in the checking account, but I still find it hard to part with, even it its a safer place!
I've committed myself to moving the money to someplace more profitable this year. At the same time, working at changing my extremely cautious handling of money.
You sound similar with cleaning! It gives you the control you did not used to have.
We, too, have been together for sixteen years and we have similar views on such things as money, cleaning (in our case, not so much), etc. :)
2007-01-26 05:31:26 · answer #1 · answered by Lisa F 1 · 2⤊ 1⤋
Sounds like you two both lack perspective about this 'cleaning issue'. Having a clean house is important, but it shouldn't be the focus of anyone's life.
Maybe you both need some hobbies that don't include scrubbing, polishing, scouring, dusting, mopping, vacuuming, sweeping, brushing, raking, washing, drying, and folding.
Perhaps you could volunteer, (I have done that) and get away from the house for a while. By the way, being poor and being clean are not mutually exclusive. But being obsessed with something like 'cleaning' is downright despressing!
If you both work so much, maybe having a housekeeper come once or twice a month would allow you two time to GET OUT, more often. Just an idea, you can take it or leave it.
But if i was arguing about cleaning, I would book a vacation for two as soon as possible!!!
2007-01-26 06:09:32 · answer #2 · answered by Kedar 7 · 4⤊ 0⤋
My MIL is the same. She grew up poor and is a bit obsessive about keeping her house clean. A few years ago it got to the point where her husband snapped - he does very physically demanding work and didn't want to spend his weekends cleaning house. What they ended up doing was hiring someone to come clean for them every week. MIL wasn't too happy about this at first, but over time she learned to let go and enjoy her free time more. She still vacuums and dusts every day, but she's less intense about it. You might try suggesting to your husband that you both hire someone to clean on a trial basis and see how that works out. You could even see about having the cleaner show up on Friday and the two of you go away or spend the next few weekends out of the house so that you can try to get him out of the habit of cleaning every weekend.
2007-01-26 05:41:58 · answer #3 · answered by Rose D 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
There is no doubt that the 2 of you need to sit down and discuss this.
The idea of hiring a cleaner sounds good. Another alternative is to find things for the 2 of you to do, away from the house. Instead of cleaning the house on friday night, go out for dinner and a movie.
2007-01-26 05:54:49 · answer #4 · answered by Tegarst 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well you have to talk to him about it in a fairly calm way. Tell him that your house is nice and clean, that it doesn't get much cleaner than this and that it really bothers you that he feels that you should clean the house when it is clean. He might not actually realize that he is being a bit compulsive about this. He might actually have a condition that he needs help for that he isn't even aware of by being so compulsive about cleaning. Maybe you two can come to compromise about cleaning, or discuss getting him some help so he can calm down on this clean obsession.
2007-01-26 05:27:24 · answer #5 · answered by gypsyiiiis 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
My chum i recognize you've some undesirable days and that i want i might want to take your discomfort away yet i imagine a strong week or 2 on the sea coast might want to do you wonders Come on %. your bags and that i'll take you for walks on the sea coast and Down Broadway on the sea coast there is a few action occurring even now this overdue contained in the three hundred and sixty 5 days yet I do trust that the clean Ocean air and a powerful dip contained in the sea is so as I allow you to recognize some days when I damage really undesirable climate or not that's on the interior or the exterior that walk and that little swim I handle presently washes maximum of it away! Your Welcome any time and also you recognize that Deb!! xoxoxoxxo
2016-12-03 02:05:22 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
you really only have two choices - either ignore it and try to understand that he probably doesn't mean anything by it, or try to talk to him about how you feel.
you've been together for a long time and if this is the only thing that he does that bothers you then you're lucky.
i've been married for 30 years and there are several things that my husband does that irritates me, but i'm sure there are things that i do that bothers him.
unless it's something major i just ignore it and put it down as one of the things that make him him.
you know the house isn't filthy so why worry about it.
2007-01-26 05:36:00 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
My husband has OCD and so has his own way of cleaning...When he thinks the house needs to be cleaned, he cleans it. He works on Saturday, so that is usually my day to clean. Simple solution, if hubby feels it is dirty, let him clean it. Not being mean just making a statement. If he does have OCD you are not going to clean the way he thinks it should be cleaned. After 16 years you to should be able to get past this.
2007-01-26 05:44:28 · answer #8 · answered by M 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would calmly explain how I felt. If he has a problem with it just explain to him that you have raised your child and your house is already the envy of everyone. It is now time to start living a little on the weekends. I am sure you have both earned it. If he prefers to stay home a nd spens his weekends cleaning then let him.
2007-01-26 05:24:39 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 0⤋
You should hire a cleaner. In this way you will have an objective viewpoint regarding what "clean" is.
Make sure that it is hubby's job to hire them, so that he can keep doing it over and over again until they clean to his standards.
Either the standards and the attitude will drop, or you will see a parade of cleaners.
See if you can arrange it so most of them are hotties. :o)
Good luck!
[Boy, am I glad my husbear is as messy as I am!]
2007-01-26 05:28:06 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 0⤋