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Think again and read "The unexpected legacy of divorce." This was a study of "children" of divorce for more than 20 years. This is not ME ME ME 60s 70s 80s pop psychology. It is real.

2007-01-26 04:51:47 · 12 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships Marriage & Divorce

LOST and CONFUSED should be added as a case study proving the point of the book! The others are merely parents continuing to justify. Let's hear from the kids. Not you PRETENDING to be a kid, but the kids.

2007-01-26 05:06:26 · update #1

12 answers

I'm a product of divorce and feel that I have done just fine in life.

The main difference is that I have a totally different view of marriage than my wife and her family(her parents married her whole life). They are very against the idea that we are getting divorced, while my parents tell me to do what makes me happy.

2007-01-26 04:57:51 · answer #1 · answered by Back in the game... 5 · 0 1

no, they will not. The absence of one of the parents posts a problem for the kids. When they lose a parent by death they suffer, how about divorce then?
Well, I've thought about it a lot. When parents divorce, what do children do? How do they live and how do they cope with life's problems when they have problems existing at home?
It is hard esp. when they meet their friends who have both parents together. It is real hard. They suffer a lot and feel that they have the right to live just like other kids. Why don't I have my two parents living together just like ...........? Oh how I wish mummy and daddy are nice to each other.
On the other hand it is hard for the parents too. If one of them can not live with the other then they have to leave each other (maybe leaving each other for a while might solve their problems or maybe they might rethink or try to change for the sake of the kids till they grow up and can depend on themselves).
Well, I hope every parent thinking of divorce to think again. To try to change for his kids' sake. This would be better for everyone
Good Luck

2007-01-26 13:06:10 · answer #2 · answered by drfarfour 2 · 0 0

As a kid I did not care that my parents had a divorce but they screwed me over as an adult and now they are getting old and its even worse.

My personal opinion is that if the parents are using the kids as a weapon to get revenge from the other one parent must lose contact with the kids and send only a paycheck . (I will try to do that if a ever get divorce hope my kids understands)

Ps read some views see what I mean divorce is ok bitter parents the real problem.

2007-01-26 13:37:52 · answer #3 · answered by Takis 3 · 0 0

If the parents work harder at raising their kids, than they did their marriage, your kids will be fine. Its tough, its compromise, its being linked to that ex for the rest of your life, dealing with the raising of the children, and trying to start a new life with a new person, blended families...etc...etc. WOW, if you can't commit to all of that, 100% whole heartedly, your children will not be okay. I did, many years ago, and I have fantastic kids who love both parents, and neither their dad nor I ever said a bad word against the other, and we worked together even if we didn't really agree, we'd have our differences but the kids never knew about it. Get ready for headaches, heartaches, but in the end you'll have fantastic well-adjusted children! good luck

2007-01-26 13:03:25 · answer #4 · answered by Cute Stuff 3 · 1 0

I believe you. My parents divorced. It has taken me most of my life to get over it. I've grown up to be normal by society's standards (wife, house, kids, full-time job, no criminal record) but I've always had something missing. I love them both. I love their spouses. I forgive both of them. But it hurt me deeply.

Your kids may tell you that they are just "fine" or that they are happier for the two of you because you aren't under so much tension. But, the best possible scenario would be for the marriage to work. You can't tell me that it's better to cut and run like a coward than to take the time to work on your marriage.

I've been in a bad marriage. I've been at the kitchen table at 3am dividing up my assests with my wife. I've driven around the block after work hoping she'd be in bed before I got home and revving the engine so she could hear me coming because she so deseperately wanted to be in the bed and pretend to be asleep before I came in. I've been to the point of packing a bag, kissing my son goodbye and walking out on EVERYTHING I had in my heart and home. The difference is, I drew a line in the sand where my parents failed. I got on my knees and prayed. I swore to God that I would serve Him, my wife and my children for the rest of my life. I promised that never again would I put my needs above others.

I wish I could tell you from that minute it's been easy. It's not. Marriage isn't easy. I wish I could tell you that we all smile and sing and dance around a white picket fence with no cares in the world. The truth is life. We still have to pay bills, work jobs, discipline the children, fix the furnace, care for each other when we are sick. We still have to compromise on everything every other couple in the world does. But, we love each other and we serve each other and we promise God that we will see this vow we made before him through. 'TIL DEATH DO YOU PART! Anybody remember that one?

2007-01-26 13:20:58 · answer #5 · answered by penhead72 5 · 0 0

My parents got divorced when I was 6 years old and it was very difficult for me growing because my father was never around and my mother turned into a bitter angry woman. I had a hard time trusting men and did not know how to deal with them on a romantic level..

2007-01-26 13:33:40 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 2 0

They can do just fine if the parents act like adults and never pull the kids into their disputes...my children both have told me things were better after we split up....they didnt have to live with the tension of a loveless marriage anymore

2007-01-26 13:13:30 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0 1

I think kids could be fine. I think that a child's parents set their future for their child. Some parents get along in the eyes of their kids. Some go crazy, do crazy things, and say crazy things in front of their children. So its really the way the parents get along that leads the path of their childs future.

2007-01-26 12:59:45 · answer #8 · answered by Rica 82 5 · 2 1

All I can say, is from my own experience, the kids DID do better after me and their Mom got divorced. In fact, they came to me after, and asked why we didn't do it sooner! They lived in the tension, anger, and frustration of a non-working marriage. After the divorce, we were both better parents to our children. If the marriage is NOT working, and especially if there is abuse involved, DIVORCE is a God-send!! I didn't get divorced for me necessarily....I got divorced for THEM! They deserved better!

2007-01-26 13:01:48 · answer #9 · answered by olderbutwiser 7 · 2 1

i'm not married but i think that divorce is one of GOD's graces.i feel sometimes divorce is better for the children than to continue in an unsuccessful marriage.but i think that divorce affects the children in a way or another.


good luck

2007-01-26 13:11:18 · answer #10 · answered by sarah 3 · 0 1

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