We're 21. My husband is leaving for Iraq in april. We just got married last July. We have an 11 month old daughter. He used drugs when we dated and when I got pregnant I told him to stay away from me until he stopped. So when our daughter was 3 1/2 months old he came around and told me he was joining the army. That was in June, in July we got married so we could all be together while he did the army thing. I thought he was a normal guy and once the drug using stopped he would level back out. I was wrong. His problems are so deeply seeded and complicated. He has a drinking problem and an anger problem. He is selfish and dishonest. He curses and gets hostile towards me in front of our daughter. I'm fairly certain he may hit me someday if he doesn't get help. I've told him I think he needs help, done a whole bunch of talking about how I care about him and worry about him and how all this stuff hurts me, but he does not care. I worry he will be worse when he gets back from Iraq.
2007-01-26 04:33:17 · 12 answers · asked by .*AnNa*. 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
This morning he left his cell phone, and he has his x-girlfriends number stored on it, AND a phone sex number. When I checked the internet history this morning there was a bunch of porn sites from last night when he said he was using the computer to do some "homework" his seargent gave him. I was sitting on the couch, he was sitting at the kitchen table with the laptop. Which means he could see me sitting there waiting for him to get done with whatever "homework" while he was looking at porn. I wouldn't put it past him to cheat on me. I wouldn't put it past him to use drugs again. I can't trust him and I do everything in my power to be a good parent and a good person and to be good with god and everything. He has no respect for me or my daughter and does nothing around the house to help. When he goes to Iraq I will be moving back home where my family lives for a year or more. Should I seek counseling and possibly talk to a lawyer in case I have to prepare myself for the worst?
2007-01-26 04:37:02 · update #1
Should I start working when I move back home and put the money into a savings account in my hometown in case of an emergency? I'm certain if things went bad he would do everything he could to make it hard for me to leave. Like keeping the cars, not giving me any money, trying to keep me from taking our daughter's things. I'm worried how the divorce would go since he would have army legal support and I would have to pay for a random attourney. I'm afraid no one will take me seriously about the situation and his emotional instability. I'm afraid he would try to take my daughter from me. I'm afraid of him having her by himself for visits. He doesn't even know how to take care of her! I don't know what to do, but I hope I can figure things out while he is away, or at least prepare myself should I have to take action. I was very happy when I was single and with my daughter. She's such a cutie and I love her more than anything, I don't want to let these problems hurt her. She's so precious!
2007-01-26 04:56:34 · update #2
It sounds like you really have your work cut out for you. Your first priority is to keep your daughter and yourself safe. His behavior (especially in front of his daughter) is unacceptable.
Your husband is lying to you which means he's more concerned about what he wants/needs than what his family wants/needs. You claim that his problems are deep and from what I've read, none are going to be easy to deal with.I'm glad that you recognize that his anger and acting out will most likely escalate.
You seem to know instinctively that this isn't going to get better. He does need help to take care of his anger issues and drug usage. If he doesn't care, your only choice is to get out and start a life without him. He's still very young so I hope for every ones sake he will get the help he desperately needs.
Take care of yourself and your daughter. It is her right to grow up in an emotionally stable family, without violence. Good luck to you and your baby girl.
2007-01-26 04:48:51 · answer #1 · answered by katydid 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Dear Anna:
You are wise to be concerned. He definitely needs counseling and therapy now to break his addiction to alcohol and/or rage and abuse, and the war environment may send him over the edge. Even psychologically sound people often require counseling and therapy after post-traumatic stress disorder experienced in war. So he is already at risk.
Is there any way to check with the military or doctors concerning his psychological profile? There were indications of severe issues with Steve Green's background, who was implicated in the pre-meditated rape and murder concerning the 15-year old woman and her family in Iraq. That violent tragedy could have been prevented with proper screening in advance.
Of course he will not appear to care, since he is repressing his problems. He needs help now, and I would NOT recommend him for military service. He might benefit from the disciplined training but I would not put him in actual combat or deployment.
Is there any way for you to contact authorities, either with the military or the mental health system, about your concerns?
If you need help, I will glad to write your husband a letter and explain that I care about you and him and his family, etc. Let me know!
Yours truly,
Emily
Emily Nghiem
My email address is the same as my name and account
at hotmail or yahoo.com
2007-01-26 04:42:43 · answer #2 · answered by emilynghiem 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think you should begin to make sure you can take care of yourself. While he's in Iraq will be a great time for you to make sure you can care for your daughter and be a strong mother and role model for her. He has some deep seeded issues, going to Iraq is only going to make them so much worse. Get yourself in order, move on for the sake of your daughter. Do you want her to think that's how women are to be treated?
2007-01-26 04:41:10 · answer #3 · answered by Jilli Bean 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
wow you have a lot on your plate first I think the both of you could use some marriage counseling get this started before he leaves and try and get this resolved soon if your afraid the best thing would be to leave as soon as possible I'm sure there are lots of families out their that wish their daughters or sisters had left before it was to late I wish you the best and do whats in the best interest of you and your daughter
2007-01-26 04:39:58 · answer #4 · answered by youhoo it's me 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
He does care for you deeply. The problem is that a substance(s) is controlling him and he is not making good decisions. You need to decide if you are going to allow him to continue to steamroll over you, or if you are going to take a stand.
He needs help - to check into a treatment program. The government has one. If he is unwilling, or tries and fails. Get your daughter, file for protection, and leave the state if you can and start a new life.
2007-01-26 04:40:05 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Get out of there, maybe he will realize what he's been doing. I would feel so hurt by all of this. I would start the separation process before he left to Iraq, so you could start getting child support sooner. then it will give him time to figure out how to fix the problems he caused.
2007-01-26 04:40:13 · answer #6 · answered by Heather 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Stay with him till he's in iraq but, hun get out why you can. You might want to move and go somewhere where he can't find you and get a restraining order or something. If your daughter wants to meet him later in her life then get visitation rights and prolly get a divorce. This is for your protection
Good luck!
2007-01-26 04:38:16 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
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2016-12-16 14:07:35 · answer #8 · answered by briana 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
to be honest, he probably will be worse. it is very stressful and people change after going through all that horror. the thing i suggest is going through a separation, so he can see how he is hurting you and decide whether you are important enough to change for. and if he does go to therapy and gets his anger under control, then you see he really is trying.
2007-01-26 04:39:00 · answer #9 · answered by pikachu 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like you were better off b4 wothout him, and should go back to that. You must take care of yourself first, and he is doing nothing for your well being
2007-01-26 04:40:10 · answer #10 · answered by Tom A 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋