Is confessing to an affair "honesty" or "selfishness" (read details, please)?

Question

I have always herd both points argued. On one hand, "if you screwed up, you have to face the consequences and if she/he decides to ...", on the other hand, there is the argument "that by confessing, you ease your guilt and feel better at the expense of the partner's (who would carry the pain from there on), and therefore it is the ultimate selfish act in an affair". What are your thoughts?

Hey, this is a hypothetical question only. So stop telling me to stop it. lol

Answer 1

I think if it's truly over and you don't intend to repeat you mistake then it is selfish to unburden yourself, ease your conscience at her expense.

If, on the other hand, this is a pattern for you and it is going to continue to affect your relationship and your life then you will need some help, some forgiveness and her hand in starting over.

If she is even remotely likely to hear it from someone else, then you MUST tell her as this would be setting her up for humiliation. Hearing it from you early would allow her to be the first to know and give her a chance to be the one to decide what happens next.

So, I think it depends upon the circumstances. Just do avoid the confession that serves no purpose other than to break a heart.

Answer 2

Honest for telling the truth but, selfish for not taking family into consideration and the consequences to follow.

Answer 3

i believe in owning up to an affair even if it causes your spouse to divorce you honesty is the best because your spouse could catch you anyway and the persopn who cheats may feel guilty and its adultrey

Answer 4

if I tell about one does it mean I have to tell about all of them?

Answer 5

deny deny deny. then pray that you never get caught and stop it already your married.

Answer 6

tell if u get caught...